Black Shadow, Piercing Light
by supernaturalove
Summary: All his life he had kept moving, in pursuit of strength, needing a cause, living so fast he killed himself in the process. After ten years in prison, Kenshin must adjust to life as a free man.
1. Shadows

**I think I'm nearly done with the revisions. Anyway, I'm sure by now you know that any promises I make are subject to being broken. Ah well! If you've read this story before I changed a lot of things, so you might want to refresh yourself. Thanks for reading. Ja.**

**Black Shadow, Piercing Light**

Chapter One - Shadows 

Kenshin gazed out of the small window just a few feet above his head. There was not much to see, the occasional insect, then the watchtower, far away. This was his view of the world, year after year. If he were lucky, a bird might land nearby. His cell was located in the basement. His tiny window provided him with a restricted view of the outside world. But it was a view that Kenshin cherished. Waking to the light of day, sleeping with the darkness of night, the ability to judge the passing of time with his eyes was a privilege. After spending years in solitary confinement under a sentence of silent treatment, Kenshin had learned to privately treasure every sight and sound of the living world.

Kenshin stepped closer to his window, fingering the black steel bars on the window.

_'This view is for my eyes alone. Only I can see the world like this, from behind these bars. I love all I see.'_

Gracefully, he crouched on the floor, wrapping his arms around bent knees. He bowed his to contemplate, tangled, unwashed red hair brushing across his cheek. He needed to prepare himself for the night. Kenshin's cell was sparsely furnished, a tattered worn futon, and small tarnished urinal and sink completed the arrangement. The walls were stone gray and cracked in various places. Though his surroundings were less than beautiful, Kenshin considered himself lucky to have his cell.

Small particles of dirt covered the floor.__

Kenshin's thoughts were a strange mix of myriad emotions. Nervousness, fear, anticipation, and trepidation plagued his soul. The world was waiting for him, theoretically.

After ten years he would be part of the world again.

Kenshin stood and looked out of his tiny window. He looked towards the light of the sky, letting his eyes slowly drop to his hands. His hands had done so much, and yet so little in twenty-eight years. His hands, his body, had created and destroyed. He had been god and man, caged according to his own will. He had been taken from the world and restrained in a house of steel and menace.

He would be free. That is, should everything go well with psychological review by the parole board.

A scream rang out down the hall. Someone was being strangled. Kenshin knew these sounds well, having lived most of his life amidst violence. This violence was commonplace in maximum-security prison.

Suddenly he felt compressed by his situation. Even after ten years in prison, his heart had not yet learned to become truly apathetic. Hope for the future, for freedom, for redemption, only served to make his environment of violence all the more real. Juxtaposing hope and reality, Kenshin's heart fluttered and his mind spun with possibilities and realities. He fought against the various emotions boiling inside. Guilt being his most natural and stable feeling, Kenshin embraced it as he lay down on his cot. He wanted to sleep, get away from the memory of his life, the reality that he would have another chance at being a free man. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried in vain to force bitter memories away from his heart.

Sleep came easy and quickly, despite the fact that his day lacked any strenuous activity of the body. As usual, it was his brain that felt overworked and exhausted.

The psuedo-escape that sleep offered was not to last. He could feel it; the dream was coming back to him. Lately, as the time for his evaluation and possible release grew nearer the dreams had begun to come to him while he was awake. Sleep was never an escape from the pain. Kenshin found that physicality, using his body was his most true and fulfilling release. To channel his emotions through his body, unleash his fire in movement until he was pouring sweat and too tired to worry. If only he had his sword…but they had taken that from him, over a decade ago. Bonded to him, _katana_ understand the fury of his soul and the fragility of his body like nothing else. _Katana_ protected him, strengthened him, killed him, killed her…

Kenshin groaned, realizing his increasingly negative thoughts. The walls of his cell were closing in. It was still daylight outside.

Kenshin closed his eyes. With his stomach regretfully full from the prison mush, he willed himself to drift off to sleep.

_Oozing, wet, darkness filled the recesses of his brain. Kenshin was hot. His skin felt wet. He itched. _

_"It's about life…"_

_Stumbling in a dark void, blinking blood shot eyes, he tried not to focus on the strange feeling of liquid oozing through his brain. He could feel the liquid seeping into every crevice. With a trembling hand he vigorously rubbed his face, trying to rid himself of that unpleasant feeling, like ants were crawling around inside his head. He groaned in desperation, lowering his hands to his wet forearms, attempting to dry them. _

_"No. It's about murder."_

_He was melting away. His skin falling off. The more he rubbed his arms, the more skin flaked away. But he couldn't stop. He was all wet. His eyes twitched in anger, the liquid substance was a part of him. _

_Bloody ants began to crawl out through his eyes, and down his face. Kenshin moaned, he wanted to scream, but he couldn't find the strength. _

_There were voices calling to him. Someone in the distance was trying to tell him how to create righteousness and find tranquility. He shut his eyes tight as tears began to stream down his face. He couldn't keep his body together. Everything was falling away. _

_Falling away…relatively._

_Kenshin looked up as he felt warm droplets of dark red rain, descending upon him. So warm…_

_He liked this feeling. Kenshin turned his eyes towards the rain. _

_'Random warmth is better than pure defiant cold. You should catch as much as you can if you believe in warmth. Don't you want to be alive?'_

_Kenshin opened his mouth, trying to catch the rain. He needed this. He needed this red warmth. Kenshin closed his eyes and his mouth. It would be his downfall or his resurrection. But there was only so much of that metallic taste a mind could take. He opened his eyes…_

_…And there she was, pale and beautiful. Eyes… as black as coal. The red rain fell in thick hard splotches, painting her lovely face a darker shade of pale. _

_ "Look, Kenshin, it's raining."_

__

**_Reviews are appreciated. Thanks. _**


	2. Tired and Beautiful

**Chapter Two**

**Tired and Beautiful**

Usually if she stared at something long enough, she would see something beyond what was obviously there. Usually. Today Kaoru stared at gray walls and could see nothing beyond her annoyance. Sighing, she squirmed in her hard chair, trying to achieve some semblance of comfort. She couldn't believe she was actually sitting in the visiting room of a maximum-security prison.

Kaoru hated prisons – and jails, and courtrooms. She hated particularly anything that had to do with law enforcement. They reminded her of her father…and the corruption that killed him.

"Father," she breathed, letting her head drop between her legs. _'Stay away from this life,'_ she whispered to herself, remembering her father's precious words.

'_Of all the places I could be on a Thursday morning…I'm a student for crying out loud,'_ Kaoru grumbled to herself.

Even so, maybe supporting her friend was worth missing a little school. Perhaps anything was worth missing a little school. Kaoru smiled sardonically at the thought.

Megumi didn't want to go alone. Not that she could blame her. What kind of friend did Megumi need to visit in a maximum-security prison? Recalling their earlier conversation about the visit, Megumi simply stated she needed to see a friend. Kaoru knew very little about Megumi's personal life and she didn't have the current interest to pry. It was obvious from the beginning of their relationship that Megumi had secrets. Kaoru really didn't care about the woman's past. She just let it be. If Megumi didn't want to talk, she was fine with that. Yet, she was curious as to whom Megumi knew in this prison and why she wanted Kaoru to come along.

"Hey! Girl!" Megumi snapped her fingers in front of Kaoru's face.

Kaoru snapped her head up, glaring at her friend. "What?" she muttered as she heard the lock on the door jingle.

"They're bringing my Kenshin. He can only have one visitor at a time for a personal visit, so you'll have to leave," she replied pertly.

Kaoru just stared absently at Megumi, wondering why they were friends and why she was calling this guy hers. Kaoru knew she was seeing some Sano guy. Her violent musing were halted as the door swung open and, a young man, flanked on either side by two muscular guards one of which had spiky hair and was chewing on a cherry stick. The other had tall blond hair, which reminded Kaoru of a broom.

'_I thought prison guards had to adhere to a dress code,'_ Kaoru thought. However, her attentions were quickly diverted as she laid eyes on a most strange man. He had long red hair, somewhere between the color of fire and blood. His eyes were a deep shade of blue-lavender. He was decidedly strange looking, though altogether interesting. His peculiar eyes were red and his shoulders sagged. He looked positively miserable. Before Kaoru could think more on this sadly attractive enigma, Megumi began to shift in her chair. Kaoru glanced at her friend. Megumi actually looked nervous, her face slightly flushed.

The red head smiled ever so slightly, while the spiky haired guard gave Megumi a once over, a smirk forming on his lips. Megumi cut her eyes over him in reply before turning her attention back to the prisoner. Her glance over the guard was quick, too quick for the guard to notice an appreciative, familiar gleam in Megumi's mischievous eyes.

"Sano," Megumi acknowledged his presence with a tilt of her head.

Sano looked disheveled, perhaps a bit miffed.

'_So this is Sano,'_ Kaoru thought. Kaoru had no idea that the man Megumi had recently been dating worked at a prison. Kaoru began to feel more out of place as she wondered about Megumi's associations. She was honestly a bit surprised at this choice. This one looked a bit rough around the edges, compared to the men Megumi had dated since she and Kaoru had been friends.

"Hey. It's been a while, Ms. Takani," the redhead said quietly as he extended a hand towards Megumi, his eyes softening pleasantly. Kaoru blinked at his formality and sudden transformation to happiness. There was something strange about his smile. Perhaps it was the fact that his eyes seemed to be rather sad and angry. Kaoru didn't know if she'd ever seen such a diverse combination of sadness, anger and happiness all one face. Glancing up at Megumi, she wondered if she noticed it too. But Megumi seemed oblivious as she reached out to grasp Kenshin's hand.

"No physical contact ma'am. Sit down." The blond guard looked down at Megumi while pointing to her chair. Kaoru thought this man had a strange face also. He had one lazy eye and toothy grin. His face didn't fit what Kaoru imagined a guard should look like.

The guard's toothy grin widened as Megumi complied with his orders and gave her a once over. He was obviously very pleased with her small act of obedience.

"To bad for you eh?" He glanced at Kenshin. "I'd want to touch her too. Ten years is a long time." The guard pushed Kenshin roughly, clamping down on his shoulders and slamming him into the seat. Kenshin tensed. Sano started. Kaoru's eyes stretched a bit wider at this sudden display of violence.

"Hey! Have some respect! He hasn't done anything!" Megumi slammed her hand down on the table.

"Watch it bitch," the blond guard smirked.

Kaoru blanched and her temper flared. She'd had about enough. She was in a bad mood to begin with and now it looked like she might get caught in fight. Kaoru had possessed a sharp temper ever since she was very young. It didn't take much to rattle her emotions. Nobody was paying attention to the small young woman in the corner, her temper flaring.

Just as she was about to take action, any action, Kenshin, stood up with such force his chair hit the ground and the blond guard stumbled backward. Kenshin's shoulders were taught, his jaw set in a fierce snarl.

Kaoru was shocked once again at his transformation; she almost thought she heard a low growl rumble out of the redhead's throat. Kaoru wondered what Kenshin would have did if Sano hadn't stepped in between the two, his face dangerously close to the blond guard's.

"Shut that shit up Chou! Less' you want me to introduce your cracked teeth to the floor! Don't be starting shit with the visitors cause you got a fix on Kenshin! Especially with cameras in here. You'll get us both written up!" Sano hissed at the blond guard.

Kaoru cocked one unmanicured eyebrow, wondering what kind of situation she'd stepped into. She pursed her lips and crossed her arms, the strangeness of the situation, causing her to become suddenly objective. Sano and the guard Chou were practically radiating aggression. Megumi looked like a cat ready to pounce. Kaoru was beginning to confirm that a low snarl was indeed emanating from the redhead.

Kaoru pressed a finger to her temple. There had to be away to diffuse the situation without anyone getting hurt. Somehow she knew a fight would not be in anyone's best interest. Megumi had never mentioned anything about this Kenshin or prison until recently, yet she seemed fairly well acquainted with both Kenshin and the two guards. Kaoru poised herself for a fight. The situation could get very hot in a matter of seconds.

**ooo**

Kenshin lowered his head, searching for control. He was angry, furious even. Chou had been brimming with aggression since the moment he laid eyes on Kenshin. He was itching for a fight. Some of the guards (especially Chou) got their joy in life from abusing their power and thoroughly screwing prisoners. He'd been pressing Kenshin hard for at least a week now. Kenshin did not want trouble, with his final parole hearing approaching. But trouble was calling him. His body was screaming for action. He wanted to answer Chou's aggression with some of his own.

If he could keep his head down, breathe even and keep his eyes closed, then everything would be all right.

'_Sano can handle this,' _Kenshin thought to himself.

The news of his parole had him acting strangely enough. The fact that everyone wanted to pick a fight with him before he got out didn't help matters. Ever since his earlier dream he had been feeling irritable and on edge. His ruthless side wanted to give Chou a taste of something slow and painful.

Kenshin let his head dip lower. He could pick a fight with his eyes alone. It was taking all of his will to avoid trouble, but he couldn't afford any fights. Not when he was so close to parole.

Chou smirked and dusted himself off. He hadn't missed the frustration on Kenshin's face.

"Shit, Sano, just havin' some fun. The big man knows I wouldn't harm a prisoner" he replied pleasantly, gesturing towards the security cameras. With a scowl, he walked out the door. "Just watch it Himura, one false move and you're back in the hole."

Chou's threat sparked a strange combination of sadistic happiness and fear in Kenshin. He loved and hated the hole; also know as solitary confinement. At good times it was a sanctuary, sealing him off from the world, insuring that he could hurt no one and nobody would hurt him; a place of quiet, were he could meditate. At times like this, the hole could be a welcome respite against the harsh realities of his life. During bad times, the hole was just a dark, dank square that allowed all of his sick thoughts to resurface and bring out that side of him that he would rather stay buried. A place where he could be starved and beaten by the guards, in both body and soul. A place without windows. Kenshin swallowed hard and held his breath.

"I want my window," Kenshin said as he slowly lowered himself to his seat.

He was carelessly aware that he probably looked crazy and all eyes were on him. All the emotions swirling around the room were directed at him. Kenshin was quite used to being a constant object of negative and curious attention. Even when he was free he'd always attracted strange looks and curious stares.

"I'm sorry, I-I apologize," he stammered to the group, his expression regretful and worrisome. They stared back. Sano leaned against a wall and scratched his stomach.

Kaoru twitched in her seat, realizing that she had been forgotten in the conflict. She felt confused, uneasy excitement turning inside her. She felt as if she were witness to some great injustice. The red head was talking crazy and looked truly pitiful. Megumi was frowning. The guard, Sano, looked a strange combination of confused and pissed. Kaoru's heart fluttered a bit. Everyone was silent and discontent. She couldn't stand it.

"Fool!" Kaoru screamed pointing at Kenshin. "How dare you apologize? It wasn't your fault, it was that stupid guard!"

Megumi started at Kaoru's sudden outburst.

"Damn," Sano remarked and leaned against the wall.

Kenshin turned towards the girl sitting in the corner of the room. He had consciously noticed her when he entered, but her presence became muddled with the drama. All eyes were now on this tiny person, with a big mouth.

She had called him a fool. Being beyond flippant insults, Kenshin found himself slightly amused by this pretty, loud, stranger. Her long black hair was tied in a high ponytail. Even in a ponytail, her hair cascaded down her back, nearly reaching her hips. Thick lashes, as well as tiny dark circles framed expressive, dark blue eyes.

She was beautiful…and tired. She was staring at him.

Kenshin returned her stare. He couldn't remember the last time an unfamiliar attractive female had come to visit him. In fact, Kenshin was sure that he'd never been visited by a beautiful female that he'd never seen before. Unable to hold her stare any longer (he often avoided prolonged eye contact) Kenshin relented and looked away. After a second he stole another peak at her as Megumi and Sano simultaneously decided to clear their throats.

For a moment lavender met sapphire in an intense gaze. A few seconds suspended. Kaoru felt her heart skip a beat. Although she was embarrassed and a little scared, she refused to tear her eyes from his heated gaze. Kenshin smiled.


	3. Life in the Mad Dog Ward

**Chapter Three**

**Life in the Mad Dog Ward**

Kaoru tapped her pencil rhythmically against her desk. It occurred to her that she should have been paying attention, but the sights and sounds of the classroom were much more interesting than her history teacher. There was the noise of the chalk scratching against the board, the smooth purr of snores, combined with the excited murmur of covert whispers. Kaoru often found herself temporarily fascinated by the faces and mannerisms of her classmates. She enjoyed staring at students when they weren't paying attention. Their features would contort into the strangest variations of boredom, annoyance and fatigue. For a few fleeting moments, It was fascinating. Then she would return to her own reality. A reality in which she envisioned herself walking along the beach, practicing kendo, teaching or sleeping.

Kaoru moaned to herself and wondered why high school wasn't an option. For Kaoru, social life in high school had gone from annoying, to bad and then worse. While Kaoru was friendly, kind and high-spirited by nature, she was also loud, emotional and outspoken by the same nature. From the beginning, Kaoru was an oddball.

Most of the students in her high school were from wealthy or prominent families and carried themselves that way. From the start, high school was a competition. Entering the classroom was like walking on stage. Everything was on display for the evaluation and judgment of her peers. It was a contest of fashion, the ability to trash one's peers and sexual knowledge. Kaoru failed on each count. While she cared about fashion, she couldn't conform to the latest trends. She didn't have the interest or desire to search, discover and expose the faults of her peers. She was still curious about sex and as a freshman in high school didn't have much experience to brag about. That was soon to change, somewhat to Kaoru's dismay.

At thirteen Kaoru had been short, skinny and a completely flat chested. A rebellious, tomboy she had been somewhat ignored by the opposite sex. Kaoru didn't lack for crushes, but she refused to play the flirting game prevalent among her age group.

At fourteen Kaoru "blossomed". According to her mother, Kaoru had simply blossomed fast. While she was still short, skinny and very much a rebellious tomboy, she now had hips and breasts (which only served to throw her balance in kendo). The older, opposite sex quickly took notice.

Even when she gained experience, Kaoru couldn't find the motivation to brag or even remotely discuss it with her overzealous peers. Kaoru had many casual friends and wasn't necessarily disliked. Still, she couldn't find a place among her peers, especially the girls. There was one girl, Misao, whom Kaoru could relate too. Misao was louder than Kaoru and had no problem making fun of her peers. Soon, Misao and Kaoru became partners in crime, literally. (Misao was a thief, among other things.) While Kaoru was very against stealing and made her opinions known (she had a very strong sense of righteousness), she couldn't really speak against her only friend. Misao's attendance was sporadic at best and soon the young girl dashed off to Kyoto with her boyfriend, Aoshi. Kaoru hadn't heard from Misao in years. Kaoru wondered what became of the spirited little criminal…

High school became much more unbearable after Misao ran away. But it wasn't in her nature to give up or quit something she'd started. Plus, she assumed that she'd need at least a high school diploma if she wanted to continue teaching martial arts or perhaps go into law enforcement (despite her issues with the system). She couldn't shame her parents by becoming a dropout.

Absently, she pulled at the tops of her tall socks and shuffled her feet. Thoughts of yesterday's prison fiasco floated to the front of her mind, along with ideas of skipping the rest of the day. She was just too tired and stressed to stay in school. She wasn't paying attention anyway.

'_How does Megumi do it?'_ Kaoru lamented to herself as she let her head drop to the desk. Megumi was just too cool and mysterious for words. Not only was she tall and beautiful, but she was a medical school student (a productive member of society) who consorted with prisoners and dated their guards. Not that Kaoru wanted anything to do with jailbirds. She had enough drama in her life.

While it was true that Kaoru felt somewhat envious of her boarder, and friend; her feelings, were not entirely that of jealously. Rather, she felt left in the dark and somewhat abandoned by the older woman. When Megumi came into her life, Kaoru was depressed, broken and confused. The death of her father, continually fresh in her heart, wounds from the loss of a mother torn open and bleeding, the memory of a lover and friend tarnished and ruined, Kaoru was hurt and alone. There were voids, emotions, needs that Kaoru had unbeknowingly expected Megumi to fill, with her presence alone. The silence had become deafening.

After the death of her father, Kaoru had initially found the silence of her home to be a haven of sorts. It was easy to loose herself in the silence. Her home was the dark eye of the tornado from which she could hide from the chaotic world. Besides, it shamefully allowed her a bit more privacy with a certain friend. Privacy she might not have had if she'd accepted Dr. Genzai's command (he was her legal guardian) or Tae's offer to share their homes. Memory of that friend made Kaoru frown. She didn't want to think of him.

That existence was a double-edged sword. While the silence allowed for some warped sliver of peace it also affirmed Kaoru's notion that she was truly and utterly alone in the world and that her friend was indeed a loser. There were others, there were true friends of her family who cared, Tae and Dr. Genzai to be specific. But for a 16-year old Kaoru who had just lost her mother a year and half ago, these friends seemed wholly inadequate. She only wanted to be alone. Or so she thought. Then came Megumi.

Beside her loneliness, she found that she could use the extra money that Megumi would bring as her boarder. While her father had been a rather wealthy and prominent man as Chief of Police, her mother's long bought with cancer had cost them considerably. Not to mention the cost of Kaoru's education. High school wasn't free, and her father had made sure that Kaoru went to the best of high schools, even though her grades were marginal at best. Kaoru still wondered if her father bribed the officials at the school to take her, or if they were simply afraid to refuse the daughter of their Police Chief. Either way, she'd fought with her father for days about accepting something she hadn't earned herself. Her young pride was hurt. She didn't want anything she hadn't earned and she hated the idea of being forced. Kaoru smiled slightly at the memory of her wounded emotions. Her father had been both angry and pleased with her. He loved her tenacity, her need to earn her own way. It was how he taught her to be. However, his joy was soon abated as Kaoru began to find trouble at her new high school. She never paid much attention in certain subjects. In high school her grades had went from bad to worst (her private life in high school had been somewhat dramatic to say the least) and her father had spared no expense on tutors. Then there were the constantly increasing costs of her mother's medical care and later her funeral. Her father's funeral came next. Then there were the lawyers and the price of her protection against the press who attempted to ruin her family's good name…

Besides, Megumi had come well recommended. It might be better to say, that Dr. Genzai continuously implored her to take Megumi as her boarder, if she would not come live with him…

Megumi was a young student in her second year of medical school that volunteered at Dr. Genzai's clinic. Having no family of her own to support her, Megumi was in dire need of a place to say, as the price of living in student housing was astronomical and far above her budget.

However, Kaoru did not doubt that Dr. Genzai had other motives for pushing Megumi on her. She suspected that he felt the older woman could be both friendly confidant to Kaoru and a watchdog for him. They both had lost their families in their teens and were winging it alone. Kaoru had tiny hopes of bonding with Megumi, and perhaps relating to her a bit. While Megumi was friendly enough, Kaoru soon discovered that the woman had her own issues and secrets. So at times their friendship seemed superficial (according to Kaoru) at best.

Megumi was of an entirely different opinion. Their visit to the prison was a perfect example of their conflicts in perception. Megumi thought she'd opened up to Kaoru tremendously by sharing that part of her life. Kaoru reflected on Megumi's way of introducing her to Kenshin after she called him a fool. Kaoru had been very embarrassed. For some reason she couldn't stop herself from calling him a fool…

'_Ken let me introduce you to my little friend,' Megumi said with a small smile._

'_This is Kamiya Kaoru.'_

"_Ken" cocked his eyebrow at the mention of her surname, an intense questioning and slightly perplexed look passing over his face._

'_It's a pleasure to meet you Ms. Kamiya.' He bowed deeply, unknowingly placing emphasis on her surname, a strange smile on his face._

'_My name is Kenshin. Himura Kenshin.'_

_Megumi sighed and crossed her legs._

'_Well, now that's over. Sano you can take her outside.'_

While it was utterly foolish, Kaoru could not forget the look in that man's eye, or the condescension in Megumi's tone. Kaoru found his polite way of speaking and the emphasis he placed on her surname to be particularly interesting. Did he know something about her or her father? If he did, Kaoru wanted to know the score.

Kaoru laid her head on her desk, long dark ponytail falling over the side, catching the attention of some of the more attentive boys in the classroom. At the moment, she could care less about the boys in her class. Suddenly, Kaoru felt a sharp yank on her ponytail. This tug was not a tug of friendly affection; rather it was full of prickly cruelty. Kaoru simply reached out and pulled her hair over her shoulder, flopping her head back on to the desk. She could care less about the gossiping girls who had on more than one occasion threatened to snip her hair at the neck or to rip it off her head. No, at this time Kaoru's mind danced with a certain prisoner. His selective stuttering and pitiful apologies coupled with enigmatic eyes that picked fights and bore into hers, these were all an intriguing mystery to her.

Kaoru smiled a little at the thought, and she wasn't sure why. On some level, she wanted to discover more about this Kenshin, and the vague details she got from Megumi only made things worse.

_It had been a few hours since Kaoru and Megumi returned home from the prison. Megumi had retreated to her room in the basement, saying she had to study. Though she was curious about Megumi's prison connections, Kaoru wasn't in the mood to talk either. The day had demanded a bit much and she'd need time to center herself before she grilled the tight-lipped graduate student. _

_After she'd spent an hour online reading fanfiction and engaging in other escapist activities, Kaoru decided it was time to pry Megumi for information. _

_Stumbling downstairs, Kaoru giggled as she noticed the attractive med-school student had fallen asleep over her books. Her mouth was open and a little drool stained the open book._

_After calling her a few times the doctor in training shook herself awake. _

"_What's up girl?" Megumi gurgled through her sleepy haze. She figured Kaoru would come calling tonight. She decided to take it easy on her. She knew she was truly lucky to have found Kaoru while helping out at Dr. Genzai's clinic. At the time she was a struggling, homeless student, barely making ends meet. Graduate school was extremely expensive and she had just been kicked out of the dorms, unable to pay. Kaoru had graciously opened her home to her and for that she was grateful. She was almost regretful that she would be moving out soon, she almost wanted to stay, despite her new scholarship._

"_I just um…um…"_

"_You want to know about Ken?"_

"_Yeah."_

_Megumi sighed as the memory of Kenshin brought back her own painful memories of her time under a drug dealer's heel._

"_Ken is the sweetest, kindest man I know. He's had a hard life." Megumi paused, and pursed her lips. She wanted to choose her words carefully, providing just enough information to bait Kaoru._

"_All I can say is that he does what he thinks is right, even if society disagrees." _

_Another thoughtful pause._

"_He does what he thinks is right…regardless of the consequences, " Megumi said, her voice quivering. _

_Kaoru sat staring, slightly riveted. Megumi could tell by the expression on Kaoru's face that she had struck a nerve. Kaoru had a real soft spot for radical righteous causes._

"_And…" Kaoru started, hoping Megumi would spill something._

"_I don't know much Kaoru, if you want details you better ask him yourself," Megumi said, smiling._

_Kaoru doubted that Megumi was being completely honest._

"_But, I just want to know what he did to end up in prison."_

"_Ken doesn't tell me anything. But I think he needs to talk about it with someone. I think he needs something. I rarely see Kenshin, he doesn't take well to visitors and I know he doesn't talk to that fool Sano."_

"_Why doesn't he like visitors?" Kaoru knew Megumi was hiding something. If he didn't tell her anything, how could she consider him a friend? How did they meet in the first place?_

_Megumi was quiet. "So will you do it?"_

"_Huh?"_

"_Idiot. Will you go see him?" Megumi hadn't missed the way Kenshin looked at Kaoru; maybe the raccoon's stupid smile would brighten his day._

"_I don't know," Kaoru muttered, looking at Megumi cautiously._

"_Maybe."_

Why was she dwelling on this? Perhaps it was because Megumi seemed to want her to visit Kenshin. Or maybe it was because she knew on some subconscious, instinctive level that these little mysteries concerning the prisoner would eventually lead to some sort of trouble that she _should _just pass up. Kaoru sighed to herself. Once she felt compelled, or even slightly curious there was no stopping her.

'_Besides if he was in prison for doing what he thought was right, then he deserves to have friends,'_ Kaoru reasoned to herself as she lay her head back on the desk, wondering why she had to make things so complicated.

_**This chapter was mostly exposition, but I think it's necessary at times. I know the title is a bit off. It's a special reference. Shoot me a line.**_


	4. Destroy This for Something New

**Chapter Four**

**Destroy this…for something new.**

Kenshin was concentrating very hard. The task at hand demanded his complete attention. The large room was hot and steamy, filled with men of all shapes and sizes. Each man stood side by side, some more concerned with the quality of their work than others. Some talked jovially to one another. Kenshin didn't mind a little friendly banter, but too much talking could easily turn into a small disturbance. It was important to get the laundry done in a timely and efficient manner. However, if the laundry were late, perhaps they would increase his punishment and demote him to a washer. Today was Kenshin's rotation as overseer. He preferred to be down in the grime, sticking his hands in the hot steamy water or feeling the rake of his palms through flimsy material against the washboard. Kenshin smirked a little to himself. The stunt he pulled last week wasn't enough to earn him a worthy punishment. Fortunately, most of the guards hadn't discerned that he _liked_ this particular punishment, so they kept dishing it out.

Kenshin had figured out what punishments were routinely given for internal crimes, even down to the wild card punishments that one got after rattling the nerves of an official or the warden. Kenshin new the game. He'd figured out exactly how to get himself thrown into solitary, how to get gym and outside privileges given or revoked. He also knew how to avoid getting beaten to a pile of shit, and how to keep years off a sentence. Kenshin smirked. They couldn't get one over on him!

Suddenly Kenshin stilled and frowned at his thoughts._ 'How far I have fallen, that I find my joy in this.'_

Worry knotted his brow. He was a master inside these walls, the strongest. After ten years he had managed (after giving and receiving many beatings) to remain a complete loner, forging no alliances, making no deals, joining no gangs. Yet this untouchable status only seemed to draw more trouble. His was a fighting life.

Kenshin frowned. He could feel his mood going sour again. He suddenly felt entirely and irrevocably pathetic. What a shame that he should take such joy in the punishment of doing mundane, useless, manual labor. The prison had economy washers and dryers, but the laundry assembly was a punishment for minor disturbances to the well being of the prison community. Supposedly, this punishment was dished out to foster group harmony, and a since of unity, skills necessary to survive in the world outside of prison walls.

Kenshin shrugged his shoulders as his sharp gaze scanned the room. He liked doing laundry.

"I like doing laundry," Kenshin said to himself for no apparent reason. He knew he like laundry. He liked using his hands. He liked making things clean.

Perhaps he could use his skills in the laundry to get some sort of job on the outside, if or when he was released. The thought made him shutter. It was not the thought of doing laundry on the outside alone that made him shutter, rather it was the combined force of being faced with his possible parole and the idea that he'd continue to live like a prisoner on the outside.

'_What can I do? Can I live life again…out there?'_ Kenshin scowled, unconsciously. He found himself increasingly more agitated at the thought of being released. Annoyed at his own sensitivity, he was furthered angered by the fact that he couldn't completely understand his frustration.

'_Shouldn't I be happy? Amazingly, I'm getting parole.'_ Nervousness was natural, but Kenshin didn't think he should harbor anger towards this possible blessing of being free once again.

Soon he would get up and walk around the room to ensure that each man was getting his job done. He would cut his eyes at those who were slacking off. His eyes were enough. If anyone should step out of line…

**ooo**

'_Idiot.' _

Kaoru straightened her snugly fitting navy blue turtleneck over her dark blue flare jeans. She looked at her reflection in the bathroom mirror.

'_Kamiya your life is already too warped for your own good. Don't mess it up even more. Don't involve yourself. You don't have to go there. Why are you looking for drama?'_

Kaoru rubbed her arm nervously as she stared at her worried expression in the mirror. She wished she had someone to talk to, someone to ask for advice. But her list of friends was currently just a few over zero. Her teacher, Tae, Dr. Genzai and Megumi pushing the list up to three. They were all wonderful people. But they just wouldn't understand. She didn't even understand. Actually, Megumi would understand on some level. Kaoru just didn't want the older woman in her business, lest she become the butt of another one of Megumi's joke. Maybe it was no bid deal. She could do whatever she wanted.

Kaoru swallowed. Somehow she needed to see him. Ever since that day at the prison she couldn't get him out of her mind.

Strengthening her resolve, Kaoru grabbed her book bag and forced herself to walk out the bathroom door.

**ooo**

Kenshin stared blankly at the black iron bars of his cell. The clanging of batons against metal and men shouting out their identification numbers could be heard as the guards walked up and down the cells. Roll call had increased, and security tightened ever since the riot two days ago. All visitations would take place behind glass, with the use of a two-way phone. Three prisoners had died and several were injured. Many more had received revoked privileges, increased labor or solitary confinement because of various actions.

Kenshin was not surprised that he had escaped punishment. Even though, it was fairly obvious to everyone that he had been at the center of the riot. This wasn't the first time something like this had happened, yet because of his notorious reputation he had many of the main power-wielders scared stiff. Various brawls he had been in were often overlooked and went unreported. It was widely rumored that Kenshin had never lost a fight, and those who had challenged him on the outside were all dead. As for his time in prison he didn't leave as many dead as he left permanently disfigured or maimed, which could be even worse when one was locked up with some of the most dangerous men in the area. In here, men took full advantage of every weakness. Most of the men preferred to stay off Kenshin's bad side, but being known as the strongest came with fear and fury. Kenshin knew as well as the rest of his fellow inmates that the fastest way to a powerful and respected name in prison and on the outside was through stealing the title of another.

Nonetheless, there had been times when Kenshin was punished severely for seemingly trite offences. He hadn't figured out this enigma. Sometimes Kenshin felt the powers that loomed over this prison _wanted _him to remain violent, tense and on edge, never knowing what would befall him should he engage in unavoidable conflicts. Kenshin sighed as he was reminded once again, that as long as he was know as the strongest, both in here and in the streets, the list of people going for his head would be inexhaustible.

Kenshin squeezed his fists and closed his eyes, trying to center himself and push away violent thoughts.

If he were to be released to the world again, he would only be greeted by countless enemies. This created an uneasy fear inside of Kenshin and an endless array of questions. Was his participation in the riot a mere attempt to get his release reversed? Why had they overlooked the incident? Maybe the parole board didn't know about his participation. Though it seemed that sadistic guards like Chou would have made sure that everyone with any authority knew that Kenshin had fought in the riot. What confused Kenshin even more was the fact that a psychologist had seen him prior to his latest hearing. The psychologist wrote Kenshin a clean bill of mental health. It was surprising to say the least, considering that Kenshin could feel an increasing amount of fear and anxiety building within as the time of freedom drew near.

His fear was not of those who would attack him, Kenshin was more afraid of himself. Afraid of what he would do when he stepped outside.

'_The next time I fight, I should just give it up. One less dreg on the streets, my blood for theirs.'_

But Kenshin knew that he would never do this. While in prison he had developed a strange will to stay alive. He knew it had something to do with his promise to Tomoe. The will was there, but it was weak and incomplete. Sometimes he thought it was mere pride, the fact that he refused to go down or his survival instinct kicking in under the intense pressure of prison life.

Kenshin sighed and began to pace back and forth, his eyes darting from the gray walls, to the black metal bars that locked him in, to the tiny window that allowed yellow warmth to peer into his cell. He knew for a fact that word was out on the streets that his term was up. Megumi had warned him. Relatives of his victims were probably talking.

What would he do if some widow challenged him? Or some bastard child?

'_So many people were happy when I was sentenced. I would gladly give this burden of my name away. Himura Battousai…'_ He winced a little at the thought of his street name. Hanging his head, he jerked his head violently back and forth, trying to shake the thought of himself out of his mind.

'_It's no use. You can't escape yourself. I am what I am. But what am I?' _

"Himura!"

Kenshin slowly raised his head; lifting deadpan eyes to those of the tall lanky guard, with hair the color of sunshine…sticking up and out like a shaggy broom.

"State your number, bitch."

Silence.

"I hope you didn't here me!" Chou reached through the bars and jerked Kenshin up by the collar. In his minds eye, Kenshin could see his heads shooting through the bars and closing around that skinny, pale neck. Squeezing. Kenshin hissed and bore his teeth, snarling.

'_Don't do it.'_

"Because if you did-"

"Hey," came a husky deep baritone, a voice crackling with anger.

Kenshin heard a soft clang on the lower bars as he looked down and discovered a fishbone at his feet.

"You got a problem with him, you take it through me," Sano drawled, hands in his pockets. Chou smirked as he dropped Kenshin, turning to face his fellow guard.

"And what's she to you?"

Sano smirked, biting back the urge to snap the fool's neck. He tossed his head back and laughed instead. Sano cracked his knuckles, and then pounded them into the wall. He could feel his temperature rising. This fight was going to be fun.

"Sano, you should not fight." Kenshin stating quietly, giving Sano an even warning look.

Sano grunted and turned back to Chou. "Shit. I was just wondering if you could tell me more 'bout those three prisons that died of sword wounds," Sano said, as he eyed Chou's baton. It was a well-kept secret that Chou carried a short sword hidden in his baton. The few guards who knew really didn't care if some unlucky prisoners met its tip. However, the warden wouldn't smile on it, for guards who carried swords were probably a little too blood thirsty and might do better lining up with the prisoners they supposedly kept watch over.

Chou didn't miss Sano's look.

"You're lucky Battousai," Chou said, a mischievous smirk crossing his face.

Sano noticed the smug look on Chou's face and the spring in his step as he slithered away.

Sano glanced over to Kenshin who was staring off into space.

"Hey. You alright?"

Silence. Sano liked Kenshin. He and Kenshin had not gotten off to a good start. Their relationship had nearly been the typical guard-prisoner violent, give and take. But Kenshin was Battousai and Sano had a deal with other prisoners to de-claw the beast. Ever sense that fight, Sano had gained a true respect (and uneasy admiration) for Kenshin. Sano would never admit it, but he was practically enamored Kenshin.

"Kenshin. Did you hear me?"

"Aa." Kenshin looked up with a small smile. He continued smiling at Sano as he cocked his head to the side, his eyes blissfully closed.

Sano observed the smiling prisoner for a moment, before deciding to let it drop. He didn't know how to handle Kenshin when he was in this sort of mood.

"Shit. I hate it when you mood swing like that. If I didn't know better I'd thik you were on drugs," Sano said as he walked away.

"And wipe that stupid grin off your face, it's damn scary. You got a visitor, get your walking pass at lunchtime. "

**ooo**

"Kaoru!"

Kaoru stopped in her tracks, her heart sinking as she recognized the chipper voice of Sekihara Tae. Normally she was happy to hear the voice of the woman who had made it her goal in life to look after the now orphaned seventeen year-old. But not today. Not when she was steadfastly heading for the back exit; obviously intent on leaving the school before dismissal.

"Yes?" Kaoru said as she turned to face her teacher.

"Where are you going Kaoru? It's only one o'clock. Do you have an appointment?"

"Yes," Kaoru said with a smile.

'_It's true. It's not a lie. I do have an appointment,'_ Kaoru thought as she cast her eyes to the ground, a goofy smile plastered on her face.

Tae gave her an appraising look.

"You are such a bad liar," Tae said as she placed an arm around Kaoru's shoulder. "What's really going on sweetie?"

"No Tae, it's true! I really do have an appointment. In fact, I'll be late if I don't leave right now!" Kaoru blurted out.

'_It's true, I will be late,' _Kaoru squirmed.

"Are you going to see a boy?" Tae asked, cocking an eyebrow.

"No!" Kaoru squeaked as she blushed. _'It's true. Kenshin is hardly what I would call a boy and I'm not going to see him in the way she's thinking anyway.'_

"Kaoru sweetie, I wish you would tell me what you're really up to. I could get into serious trouble if anybody finds out I'm letting you skip. The students already think I favor you."

Kaoru suddenly felt really bad, _and_ stupid _and_ devious all at the same time. Tae obviously gave Kaoru extra attention. She felt bad for taking advantage. But in her mind, she'd already made her decision.

"Ms. Tae, please…it's important. I'll be helping someone. Someone who really needs a friend."

Tae looked down at the pleading expression of the young girl and felt her defenses weakening.

"Just promise me it's nothing dangerous." Tae knew Kaoru could be reckless when it came to _helping_ people.

"I promise. It's nothing dangerous."

Tae smiled a little and nodded her head, giving the girl consent. Kaoru turned quickly, forgetting to say "thank you" and walked out the door with her head down.

'_Was that a lie? Going to visit a guy in prison isn't necessarily dangerous_,' Kaoru thought as she walked swiftly to her small car, and slipped inside.

'_You might have enemies in that prison.'_

Kaoru swallowed hard as she remembered her violent encounters from times past... She was too young to have enemies. But thanks to her father's name and her sharp temper, she had enough. Closing her eyes, Kaoru let her head fall to the steering wheel.

Never being the type to back down, always lead by her passions, Kaoru started the engine and began driving in the direction of the maximum-security correctional facility.

**ooo**

Kenshin grunted as he finished his bench press. He let his spotter take the heavy weight out his hands and place it back on the bar. Sitting up, he wiped his sweaty face with a ragged brown towel before getting up and allowing another man to use the bench press.

'_I have a visitor,'_ Kenshin thought as he absently continued to wipe the sweat off his bare chest, walking to the place were he would be chained and escorted to the visiting area.

'_Who could it be? Megumi again?'_ The guards sat Kenshin down in a little cubicle equipped with a telephone.

Kenshin closed his eyes and rested his head against the small cubicle wall, trying to let sleep take him again. Noticing his hair was still damp with sweat Kenshin reached up and pulled out the rubber band that held it, shaking it loose, hoping for it to dry faster.

He didn't want to see Megumi. Kenshin was in a mood, a moment in which his thoughts inevitably tended towards the positively negative. It wasn't a good time. Kenshin closed his eyes and tried to retreat to that state of conciousness that made acknowledgement of the outside world was a choice.

**ooo**

Kaoru sat nervously across from Kenshin; she had been there for a while now, but he was sleeping. She was slightly disappointed that there was a barrier between them. She wondered why she had to talk to him over a phone through a glass.

'_What would you do anyway? Touch him?'_

Impatient for him to open his eyes, Kaoru began to bang on the glass.

**ooo**

Kenshin's eyes slid open. Someone was trying to gain his attention.

It was Megumi's pretty little girlfriend. Before attraction could surge, Kenshin pushed it away, deciding instead to be objective. Why had she come? Had Megumi told her something about him? Was this chick in trouble with someone on the inside?

Kaoru continued banging on the glass. She was also yelling something into the phone at him. With a smirk Kenshin took his time picking up the phone as he fixed his gaze on Kaoru.

"Good afternoon," Kenshin stated slowly.

"Hi," Kaoru ground up, Her voice a little rough.

"The glass is sound proof you know. I can't hear you unless my ear is on the receiver. So I'm afraid you'll have to curse me out again."

"Oh. Well that explains a few things." Kenshin noticed her embarrassment, her cheeks lightly staining pink. Her natural blush was beautiful. Kenshin smiled, admiring her face.

"H-How have you been?" Kaoru squeaked

Kenshin looked at her, wondering if he should answer that question and why she'd asked him (as if they were well acquainted). Deciding against it. He continued to study her face intently.

"Why are you here?" Kenshin stated, his voice soft, yet hard as steel.

"What?"

Kenshin just continued to stare at her, his violet gaze boring into her eyes.

"Why are you here?" Kenshin repeated.

Kaoru began to breath a little harder as she struggled to hold his gaze. This nervousness just wouldn't do. So Kaoru did what she always did when nervous, confused or afraid: She took bold, commanding action, seeking to regain control over the situation.

"I'll ask you the same thing. What are you doing here?"

Kenshin cocked an eyebrow. "Isn't it obvious? I'm doing time."

Kaoru muttered a few things under her breath. "No you idiot! I want to know how you got in here!"

Kenshin wasn't expecting that. She was curious about him. But what business of hers was it? He never talked about his past to anyone. He certainly didn't plan on telling her the details of his sentence. Though most of the time his name spoke for itself. But she was too young to remember when the notorious affliction went down in the city and too innocent to know the name Battousai.

"Why do you ask?" Kenshin asked seriously, locking her with a steel gaze. He had to find out her motives.

Kaoru didn't answer immediately. She merely raised her eyebrows and widened her eyes, looking at him imploringly. Finally, she spoke.

"Because…I'm just interested in you," Kaoru whispered softly, her eyes slowly shifting away from his. She shifted in her seat and toyed with a lock of hair. Kaoru yawned before she finally glanced back to a stern Kenshin. His face was hard and serious. Kaoru smirked.

"You idiot. I'm Megumi's friend. I don't have anything up my sleeve. Consider me concerned. Besides, you're behind bars. What could happen?" she said with a soft smile.

Her eyes were wide and expressive, seemingly innocent. He would not tell her, no matter how cute she looked. She could be on a vendetta crusade. But he couldn't help the part of his mind that ran away with the idea that this girl might be really be interested in him. This precious creature had come to see _him_.

"So why are you here? Kenshin." She placed special emphasis on his name, calling him.

Kenshin looked up at Kaoru, studying her once again as she stared back, expecting an answer. He noticed her hair was swept neatly in a high ponytail, a thin, graceful blue ribbon holding her thick, black hair in place. Her purple book bag sat next to her on the floor, adorned with various patches and stickers sporting the names of her favorite bands. Her clothes were inexpensive, yet complimenting and stylish, evidence of her modesty and good taste.

'_What are you thinking? She is right now, skipping school, disobeying her parents to see you. Seeing you will be her story of the week. When she leaves she'll go back to a plush home in a quiet town._

"Kenshin…" Kaoru said, beginning to get annoyed. He had been staring at her, his eyes roving her person, for quite some time.

'_Maybe it's none of your business. Megumi was wrong. Maybe he doesn't want a friend. You shouldn't have asked,'_ she thought. Just as her face began to fall, Kenshin spoke.

"Murder," Kenshin stated casually.

Kenshin noticed the surprised look in her eyes, an arching of her brow, not a hint of repulsion.

"I'm in for a triple murder…in the first degree," Kenshin said as he leaned back in his chair.

Kaoru was stunned at his casual tone. Once he said murder, she knew it had to have been self-defense, but his last sentence and his inflictions shattered those hopes.

"But…" Kaoru whispered more to herself than anyone else. Her cool façade dropping, as she observed his casual demeanor.

"This is among other things. I have killed many more than what I have been convicted for." Kenshin whispered, as he lowered his head, his voice taking a dangerous tone. He had foolishly hoped that the girl would keep smiling at him. He could see her face contorting.

'_Great. You have another person who will think of all that is wrong with the world when she thinks you. I wanted to change the world. I thought I could destroy this place and make something new.'_ Kenshin blinked several times. He wasn't prepared for the way his heart constricted at the thought of his crimes. He often thought of his past; his life was one of eternal regret for his crimes against humanity. He knew he was a killer, a terrorist, but in prison he had only been surrounded with men of like stature. But today, in front of this girl, something new and fresh had broken.

"Did you enjoy it?" Kaoru asked, her voice steel with some unknow emotion, her once bright eyes dimming with the same.

Kenshin instantly repulsed at her question, his heart constricting, assaulted by the memory of those he loved, forever lost at his hand. The memory of a child never born, a woman – his savior, who died so many years ago…of innocence lost in a pool of blood. Anger and sadness surged inside him.

Kaoru gasped as she noticed his eyes water.

She had never meant to make him hurt. She simply had to ask him. She'd been drawn to him from the moment she saw him. She had sensed a strange notion of stern compassion and emotion within him. She couldn't believe, _wouldn't _believe that he was a cold-blooded killer. His response proved her suspensions. His eyes were watering from some deep pain. There had to be an explantion for his crimes. Maybe he had been apart of that attempted revolution so many years ago…but he didn't look old enough.

"Kenshin…" Kaoru murmured, her brows creasing with concern.

Kenshin hated the desperate sound of her voice laden with compassion. What was she trying to do to him? He looked her firmly in the eyes, his expression hard.

"You don't know me. Leave and don't come back," Kenshin commanded, his expression hard.

Kaoru studied him for a brief moment, her heart beating faster. _'Your eyes betray you Kenshin. You're hiding…I can see that now. Father…I'll help him, just as you would do.'_

"I'm not weak. I don't walk away when I see someone in pain," Kaoru replied in a fervent rush.

"Everybody I've ever cared about is _dead_ because they got in my proximity. Unless you want to end up like them you'll stay away from me," Kenshin calmly stated, keeping his eyes locked with hers.

"I'm so sorry," Kaoru softly spoke, her voice shaking ever so slightly.

Kenshin froze as he tied his hair back into a low ponytail.

"What?"

"I'm so sorry, that I caused you this pain. It's none of my business. I just – when I first saw you – I should not have asked."

Kenshin glanced at Kaoru. Her head was down and Kenshin could tell she was shaken.

Slowly Kaoru looked up and met his gaze. Her eyes were fierce and determined.

"But that doesn't mean I'm leaving. I know what it's like to loose everyone you love, to have no one to take care of you. I know what it's like to be completely alone in a crowd of people. I obviously don't know the whole story behind your crimes, so I don't pretend to sympathize or condone what you did, but I will listen, if you would like some release, if you need to confess, I will be here."

Kenshin just stared at her, too shocked to think straight, let alone say anything. Her face was set, her jaw tight. He had never expected to hear words like that from anyone again. While in prison he learned to live without such affection, he took care of himself, he confessed to himself. And yet this young woman that he hardly knew had just offered to share his pain, an open heart for his burden.

"I…I-"

Before Kenshin could respond, the guard stepped up behind him, clapping a cold hand on his shoulder.

"Time's up."

Kenshin got up slowly, the phone still to his ear. He was afraid that she would go home, regret what she said and never come back. He looked at her, both wishing that she would stay and hoping she would leave.

"Don't worry Kenshin…I'll come again," Kaoru said as she hung up the phone, gathered her things and walked out the door.


	5. Sunrise

**Finally! A totally new chapter. I hope you enjoy it. **

**Thank you for all the reviews, I haven't removed any removes from the previous version, I actually still consult some of them. Now for a few responses:**

**T for Teapot: Your review wasn't annoying at all. It was very helpful. I love those kind of reviews. I do enjoy objective criticism and grammar tips. So please keep it coming.**

**Reignashii and others: I totally removed Gohei. The prison attack never happened. Gomen! He'll probably show up later, but for now he's gone. **

**C****hapter Five**

**Sunrise**

_"I don't want to ask why you call me. I don't want to ask why you come."_

_"It's just something I do. I don't want to try an explain it. It doesn't matter anyway."_

_"What are you going to do when…" he hesitated._

_"When you get out?"_

_She'd read his mind once again._

_"Yes."_

_Kaoru giggled. _

"_What's to do? Are you scared I won't be your friend anymore?"_

_Silence._

_"Is that what you consider me?"_

_"What?"_

_"You think…Am I your friend?"_

_"Dumb-ass. Of course you're my friend. Why else would I go through all this trouble to see you?"_

_This time Kenshin laughed. _

_"You're such a strange girl."_

_"Mou!"_

Kenshin looked at the sun. He felt strangely outside of himself. His mind seemed to be traveling to places he hadn't willed. Ignoring the possibility that Kaoru could be the source of his bewilderment, Kenshin choose to blame his wondering mind on the smell of paint and the act of painting. He'd been given art room privileges, much to his relief and joy. Aside from physical exertion, Kenshin found mental release in working with his hands. Though he wasn't aware of his reasons (or his true desires) Kenshin loved using his hands. To change the state of a thing, to mold an object into something new, to _create_ - these things consumed his mind until his worries were forced into submission. Kenshin relished in the fact that his hands could transform a blank canvas into a brilliant array of color. His hands could make the vilest garment clean. Once his hands had planted seeds from which life sprang. Maybe his hands could wash the stains away…

It was Saturday morning. In a few hours he would be escorted to the visiting room. She was coming at noon. She said she would visit him at noon. She'd visited three times. Always at noon. When there were no visits, she'd call. He was only allowed a certain amount of visits and phone calls per month. For the first time in his ten-year sentence he was actually in danger of using all his guest privileges. Kaoru was using them all. Kenshin swallowed. He really didn't need her in his life. He was under too much stress on the inside to have to deal with outsiders.

Though today, Kenshin didn't feel very connected with life on the inside. He'd been feeling very disconnected for some time. It was as if the monotony and madness of life in prison was passing him by. Kenshin hadn't realized that disconnection directly coincided with his increased time with Kaoru. In fact, when she wasn't around, he tried not to think of her all. Though he often failed…especially at night.

**ooo**

Kaoru stumbled down the stairs. She yawned and scratched her stomach before she shuffled across the cold wooden floor towards her kitchen. Still in her morning haze, Kaoru practically tripped over her own feet as she caught sight of a lanky, smelly body, collapsed on her couch. Kaoru cursed silently as she gathered herself to standing. She quickly identified the snoring person, as Sano, his alcoholic stench confirming her suspicions as to why he was sleeping on her couch.

_'Megumi. You could have at least told me he was sleeping over. I could have been in my underwear or something,' _Kaoru grumbled to herself as she contemplated waking Sano up and forcing him to cut her grass. _'He shouldn't get to sleep here for free…'_

Deciding against it, Kaoru continued her trek to the kitchen. This wasn't the first time in the past few weeks that Sano had been to her house, though this was the first time he's slept over – to her knowledge. Megumi lived in the basement, so Kaoru didn't always know when she was home or not.

Kaoru had seen quite a lot of Sano between visiting Kenshin and the thing he had going on with Megumi. Still, she didn't know if she wanted him sleeping over. Kaoru frowned to herself.

_'I can't say anything to Megumi. She'll call me a prude,' _Kaoru thought.

Pulling a bowl and spoon from the cabinet, Kaoru began to pour herself a bowl of cereal. She shifted her wait to one foot and began to recite her plans for the day. It was early morning, and the sun was shining brightly. Though she enjoyed sleep a great deal, Kaoru loved morning. She often woke at first light, just to catch the sunrise. She loved seeing light bleed into the sky until the bright beautiful sun overtook the night. Kaoru smiled. As a child her mother scolded her for looking at the sun. _'But mamma, that's were the fun is,'_ Kaoru sang to herself, remembering one her favorite songs.

"I'll eat first…then I'll shower. Or maybe I'll take a bath. Pray, _kendo_…maybe _judo_ today, pick up the paint, need gas for the car, stop by the bakery for...Kenshin…" Kaoru smiled to herself at the thought of him. She'd taken to the enigmatic prisoner in a way that she hadn't expected. Though he was cool, almost always impersonal, and at times quite mean, she knew he looked forward to seeing her, as she loved seeing him. Kaoru couldn't explain it and wasn't even entirely aware, but visiting Kenshin made her feel purposeful. Seeing him, digging into him…it felt right and she had begun to need it.

_'I'm the light of his day,' _Kaoru mused.

Kaoru's eyes widened slightly at her thoughts as she took a bite of her cereal. _'Way to be humble Kamiya.' _

While Kaoru was still pondering her thoughts, a spiky haired, unshaven man lumbered his way into the kitchen.

"Morning."

Startled, Kaoru nearly choked on her cereal as she turned to face the man. Upon recognizing Sano she cocked her eyebrow, swallowed her cereal and calmed only slightly.

Sano was opening her refrigerator and taking out her milk. Peeved, she snatched it from him and punched his chest.

"What are you doing here? And you stink!"

Sano held up his hands. "Peace. Fox didn't think I should drive. I'm hungry. You got any food?"

Kaoru shrugged. "T.V. diners, ramen."

"What? I want breakfast. Can't you cook something? Wait. Forget that. Fox told me about you."

Kaoru snorted. "Gee, thanks. Have some cereal."

Kaoru took her bowl and sat down at her dining table. Sano soon joined her.

"Were you drunk? Is that why she made you sleep here?"

Sano smirked. Kaoru looked rather cute sitting across from him, stuffing her mouth with cereal and asking ridiculous questions.

"Of course I was drunk. So what? Anyway I got to work for the system today. You going to see your lover boy? Sano smirked.

"W-what?"

"I heard you whispering his name."

"I was not!"

"Were too. I was standing right there."

Kaoru blushed.

"No reason to be embarrassed. But I am curious. What kind of shit does a girl like you talk about with a guy like him?"

Kaoru wrinkled her brow. She didn't really like his tone. "What do you mean, 'a guy like him'?"

Sano crossed his arms. He liked Kaoru. In the past few weeks he had really taken to the spunky girl. Though he couldn't help but wonder what she had going on with Kenshin. He had been surprised the first time he came to visit Megumi at her home. Kaoru's house was big, lush, obviously expensive and located in a rather privileged neighborhood. Sano almost never sat foot in such places. He wondered how a girl like Kaoru could swing such a place at her age. He wondered that is, until he discovered who her late father was.

"Shit, you be asking dumb questions. You know what I'm talking' bout."

"No. I don't. Enlighten me," Kaoru said with a smile.

"Look. I got his back for life. Kenshin's my boy, but you gotta know he's fucked up. Most guys doing his kind of time are."

Kaoru gasped. "I can't believe you said that Sano! You're supposed to be -- "

"Missy, be real. I can admit that and still love him. I hate the system we're in and I even respect him for he what he tried to do to it, but he's locked up for a reason. A good reason. I bet you don't even know what he's in for."

Kaoru faltered. Kenshin still hadn't given her the complete details (and showed no inclination to do so) regarding his incarceration. But none of that mattered to her. Kenshin had shown himself to be a repentant soul in need of healing. Plus, he really liked her.

"I know some of it. But it doesn't matter to me. That's all in his past. Everyone deserves friends."

Sano shrugged his shoulders. Kaoru was free to do whatever she wanted. Sano could never blame a person for going after what they wanted. He liked Kenshin and he also didn't care about his past. Actually, that was a lie. Sano admired Kenshin's past in a strange sort of way. Besides, he'd noticed a change in Kenshin since Kaoru began seeing him.

"You gonna see him today?"

Kaoru nodded.

"You know he's getting out soon."

Kaoru nodded again and changed the subject. "So you're working the morning shift?"

"Yeah. Hope my ride is still working."

**ooo**

An additional set of protocol was added to routine bodily searches of visitors, due to an increase in drug flow from the outside. Thus, Kaoru was detained in the search area for a longer period of time. The guards on duty were unusually paranoid and eager to show their authority, so the cookies and paint she'd brought for Kenshin were disposed of; less they contained any small amount of illegal substances. Kaoru thought it was ridiculous and she was very upset about the entire ordeal. She'd spent good money on those paints and actually went to a bakery to purchase cookies. (She definitely could _not_ bake them herself.) Kaoru demanded to speak with the warden to complain about her lost goods. She felt she should be reimbursed. Though she was not granted an audience with the warden, she did waste thirty minutes demanding to see him, before she finally gave up and allowed herself to be escorted to the visiting area. She was late, so Kenshin was seated before her.

Kenshin leaned back to watch her in fascination as she walked towards him, her slender hips swaying ever so slightly. She smiled. He could tell she was angry about something (Kaoru often came to him with a wide array of moods). But he was happy to see her, face to face. She sat down with a huff and gave him a bright smile before she began to complain about the "system", strangers in her house, and the trouble she'd gone through to find the perfect chocolate chip cookies.

Strange…she surely was a strange girl. Were they really friends? Kenshin didn't know how to feel about her. She made him happy. He liked listening to her talk. He _enjoyed_ her complaints. He looked forward to seeing her. She didn't try too hard to make him confess anything, and he didn't volunteer. He was content to simply listen to her. Often he found that he wanted to contribute more, but he really didn't know how. So he satisfied himself with simply listening and watching her.

Were they at the level where he could trust her? Was it even worth it? There was so much he still did not know about her…and already she'd made his eyes…water, initiated a few nights of physical longing, and even bought him a present. Even if his cookies and paint were at the bottom of the dumpster, she'd bought them for _him_. Kenshin could count the number of presents he'd gotten in his lifetime on one hand …Why had he let her go so far?


	6. Converse

**BSPL 6**

**Conversations**

Kaoru sighed as she sank lower into the tub. The hot steamy water felt good and it brought calm to the myriad feelings running through her heart. She was anxious and not a little conflicted. This afternoon, Kenshin would be released and she would be bringing him home with her. Kaoru clenched her eyes shut and bit her lips at the thought.

'_I don't care what people say. I don't care what my head says. I'm doing this. I've already decided.'_

Kaoru sank lower into the tub, blowing air bubbles as her lips broke the surface

'_This is very stupid. I know this. I can see myself heading for a brick. He's a convicted criminal. He is also most likely crazy. I can see the wall, but still I am running straight for it. Head first.'_

Kaoru smiled.

Megumi hadn't been surprised when she'd told her. Kaoru wasn't sure what reaction to expect from the enigmatic graduate student. She'd halfway expected to be teased about having a crush or being called a stupid raccoon. But neither response came. Megumi had simply stated that she trusted Kenshin and that she believed in Kaoru. That had left Kaoru shocked to say the least. Of all the dramatic statements Megumi could have chosen, one involving trust was what Kaoru expected. She'd always felt that Megumi considered her a dim-witted kid, but that statement implied that Megumi believed she was responsible enough to make her own decisions, stupid thought they may be.

Tae and Dr. Genzai were an entirely different story. She hadn't told either of them of course. She knew that they would both disapprove. Severely. Dr. Genzai never pried too much into her life. He had been a good friend of her father's as the official doctor for all of the Kamiya dojo pupils. He made it a point to check up on her and help her out if she needed anything. In exchange she often watched over his two young daughters Ayame and Suzume. She had no real intentions of telling him, wishing to spare herself an embarrassing lecture on the ways of men.

'_Honestly, it really doesn't matter what he thinks.'_

She had kept her entire relationship with Kenshin secret from Tae. Even though their "relationship" had not existed more than a few weeks. It was surprising, but in that short time, she felt drawn to him, every time she thought of him or spoke to the strange prisoner, she felt as if something were tugging at her heart; beckoning her to him. In the limited time they had together she found herself sharing very personal things with him, exposing herself. It was very difficult to break the ice, and Kenshin almost never talked about himself. His manners towards her were congenial, yet distinctly distant. Sometimes it felt like she was talking to a smiling dummy. It was strange, his lips formed the smile, but he eyes were a different story. Sometimes his eyes seemed to support the line his smile was telling her, other times they were direct contradiction. Kaoru found this immensely interesting.

'_Do I just need someone to talk to? Why am so curious? Am I that lonely?'_

Other times Kenshin was fully engaged, listening intently, and occasionally offering his strange opinion.

Kaoru had not realized it, but she needed someone to talk to. Distant and crazy or not, Kenshin was a willing participant. Perhaps it was because Kaoru was more entertaining then anything else he could do in prison, maybe he really liked her or perhaps he was just lonely, but Kenshin welcomed her visits, her stories.

He indulged her.

After awhile it became more than indulgence. He began to open up, revealing small nuggets of information at random. He was obviously holding back, he never revealed anything critical or serious. Instead he revealed his feelings on more abstract topics. He was always ready to talk politics, art or philosophy. From this Kaoru could glean more clues about his true self. Though sometimes she could sense a change in when they spoke on certain issues. Issues like, the past war, and the current conservative government. Kaoru expected these issues where of personal relevance to Kenshin. He would become tense, and agitated to say the least. Worst of all he would force himself to smile and chat, as he blatantly changed topics. But despite all his dodging acts, Kaoru thought she felt a yearning from him. She sensed a real emotional fragility in him. And according to Kaoru that fragility needed to be coaxed and cradled into the open and clear light of day. Kaoru never believed in hiding wounds. Wounds need to be exposed first and clearly understood if they are to be properly cared for. Or so Kaoru thought, even if she didn't practice this herself.

During their last meeting he had finally cracked. Kaoru blushed slightly as she remembered what went down between them. She had desperately wanted to pull him out into the open. She had exposed so much. It was time for him to do the same. (_Patience was not one of Kaoru's virtues.)_ Kaoru wanted to expose him. In her mind, exposure leads to healing. Healing was exactly what Kenshin needed if he were to survive on the outside. But she had not expected things to move as fast as they did, for them to share as much as they had. This swift progression was welcome, yet unexpected. Kaoru smiled slightly at the thought. It was all her fault of course, as usual.

It wasn't _really_ her fault, Kaoru just could not help that she was an impetuous and emotional girl. Sometimes her feelings were so strong, for Kaoru, words were never enough; she required action to show her affections. Who knew Kenshin would be the same way? He kept himself clenched so tight. Tilting her head to the side she wondered at her strange friendship.

'_Kenshin…' _

At their last meeting Kenshin had been particularly weird and the strain of his behavior was getting to be too much for Kaoru to take.

"You're a pretty bad actor you know."

"Oro"

"Kenshin! Just give it up!"

"Huh? Ah? I don't know what you mean Ms. Kamiya."

Kaoru closed her eyes, and let out a loud sigh. After a few moments she swallowed hard, clenching her fists together.

"Ms. Kamiya…"

"Kenshin! If you call me 'miss' one more time! Arghh! Just! Why are you doing this?"

Kenshin was about to evade her question when he noticed the distinctly hurt expression in her eyes. Cursing inwardly he wondered if he really was he being unreasonable or if she were expecting too much. It was probably both.

Kenshin still wasn't sure what was going with Kaoru. Admittedly, he did not quite know how to act with her. In prison it was too easy to give his warped personality free reign. But here, with this Kaoru, in this short time…she was able to move something on the inside of him. It was as if she could easily see and maybe even understand certain things about him.

"Don't do this to me," Kaoru said, staring him squarely in the face. Her words were soft, but filled with a resolute emotion that he could not name.

Kenshin paused, considering. Her words…He was genuinely perplexed and uncomfortably…touched.

Besides Megumi, he never received pleasant visits. Megumi was indebted to him. It was her obligation. Nearly all of the people he associated with before prison were dead, crazy, incarcerated or on the run. Kaoru was a total stranger. He could not guess why a beautiful, sweet, upper middle class girl like herself would want anything to do with a soon to be washed up ex-convict. Perplexed, Kenshin decided this was all the more reason to act as nice and normal as possible. He smiled.

"I'm sorry, but I don't know what I'm doing to you." Kenshin winced to himself but continued to smile, aware that his words and tone did not match his pleasant face.

"You are putting on a show for me…pretending," she nearly hissed.

But then Kaoru reached out and nervously placed a hand gently on top of his.

For a moment the two sat in silence, gauging the other. Kaoru spoke first. Her words came out in a hesitant breathy rush.

"Whatever it is…you're weird sometimes. But overall, from here, you seem beautiful to me. I just - I'd like to know you."

Kenshin watched her lips tremble slightly as the words tumbled forth.

Her words were simple, and strange, enough to make him wonder. Seeking her eyes from some sort of clue, he felt his breath catch at the innocent intensity he found there. He could not tell what was behind them…

'_Me? What is she saying? I seem beautiful to her…'_

So poetic ad wonderful, it would be frightening it would be frightening if that were true. If he were beautiful, if he was _really_ beautiful than he would gladly let Kaoru know him. But he wasn't. Not even close.

'_I wish I were not the opposite of what you are thinking. But I am. I'm a far cry from beautiful. But still, if you think so…maybe you're just playing with me. What do you want from me Kaoru? I'm finished. I literally have nothing, but if you ask me for anything, you're so fucking sweet. I promise I'll try.'_

They were beginning to crack, the walls he had built. Despite his hesitation, when she spoke again, the sound of her voice so gentle and reassuring, he knew he could not keep her away. Perhaps he knew it all along, from the moment she promised to come to him again, it was useless.

"Kenshin. Tell me."

'_She wants to know. She wants something from you. Tell her, be honest. Watch her run.'_

Kenshin leveled her with his eyes for a brief moment, and then he spoke.

"I had a dream last night. It was a very real dream of the last night I spent with my wife, before she died."

Kenshin paused and swallowed hard, looking down as Kaoru gasped softly at his admission.

He felt her gently try to pull her small hand away. He clenched her tighter, squeezing hard. After a moment he let go. Before he could miss the contact she slipped one slender hand up his chest to cup the back of his neck. He flinched slightly in surprise, but she did not relent. She squeezed gently, leveling her eyes with his.

Kenshin quickly looked away, swallowing so hard he audibly gulped.

Kaoru was unaware, but Kenshin had been starved of such tender contact for so long, she was like a well of pure water, quenching his dying thirst.

A woman had not touched him so tenderly in many years. He wanted more. Yet the memories she asked for him to recall were tender, even after ten years, he hesitated.

"Please."

The sound of yearning in her soft feminine voice was pitifully more than enough to move him. He acquiesced.

"Um, I was in a bad mood. It was a hard night of…work. But she changed all that, she changed night felt to me."

"What did it feel like?"

"That particular night was cool and humid. It was the kind of night where the air is thick and moist, as if it had just stopped raining. In reality it hadn't rained yet. A storm was coming, or something like that."

Kenshin kept his eyes down.

"Go on."

He obeyed, his voice a deep whisper. "When I got to our place I could smell something sweet in the air, like the fragrance of flowers. I followed the smell. It lead me to the windowsill and it was then that I realized that she had placed some of her flowers in the window and the wind had spread their fragrance throughout the room. I stood there for a while just smelling the air. I heard the door creak, and I knew she had just entered the room. I looked out the window. It was then that I noticed the sky. It was a peculiar color. Although it was well past midnight it was unusually bright, because it was filled with clouds. Do you ever notice sometimes the night sky bears a touch of scarlet, just before it storms or rains?"

"Yeah, I notice." Kaoru watched him intently. He was definitely opening up, but his eyes and voice were drifting. They drifted from her to space, and back again rapidly.

"She came behind me and embraced me, her skin was moist from the shower she had just taken. Despite the humidity, there was a breeze. It blew through my hair, across my skin." He paused there and let his eyes drift closed.

"I could feel her shiver just a little and she pulled herself closer to my body. I let out a deep breath and tried to relax. "You're tense," she'd said. I didn't respond, she knew why I was tense. Everything was getting to me. Everything was falling apart, despite having her there or maybe because she was there. For a while, living with her I'd felt. I _felt_, and I was aware of feeling. In her arms, loving her, holding her - I felt safe, human. She gave me everything."

Kenshin paused and slowly pulled away from her.

"I ruined her," his voice was a dark low whisper.

Kaoru didn't exactly know what he was talking about. Pulling her hands back she was unsure of what to do next. Kaoru sensed he was about to thrust the walls up between them again. She would not, could not, allow that to happen. Not when she had gotten so close.

"Tell me what happened. Why did you feel tense? Why do nights like that brother you?" Kaoru grabbed his hands as she changed the subject, needing to ease him in some kind of way. Surprisingly, he did not refuse her. Slowly, patiently she stroked his hands, waiting for him. After long moments, Kenshin glanced around, re-acclimating himself.

"I had just killed." He paused, waiting for the shocked reaction from her that never came. Unsure if he should be encouraged or confused, he continued.

"And it was on a night like that, we met on a night just like that." He sighed, remembering.

"On the night we met I could hear the wind in the trees, the leaves brushing together, it sounded like waves…like the ocean. She was there, but I had not sensed her presence. I did not hear her approach, but she was there. Her voice was like a soft, beautiful melody to me. Like a ghost, ethereal, some being from another world - that is how she seemed to me. I had seen her twice before, in the clubs. "

"And there she was again, this time covered in the blood. She was standing there and the blood hit her…" He trailed off, a look of confusion furrowing his brow.

"Kenshin, what --?

"It was then that she called me out. She told me plainly what I _am. _ A killer. Even later, at the end…even then she forgave me."

His words had trailed to a broken whisper. To Kaoru, he looked lost, eyes darting from here to there, soft breathing gone erratic.

She embraced him. I moment of hesitance – then he melted burying his face in her neck. Kaoru held him until his breathing slowed. She started rubbing his back and hair soothingly. He relaxed and allowed his face to press into her chest.

"Kenshin." Kaoru looked down at him as he just buried his face deeper into her chest.

His name on her lips…the softness of her breasts…the sweetness of her smell…it all had the combined effect of a calming drug. She was so true, so dear. He didn't want to let go. Willing himself to pull away completely, he could not force his body to obey the weak command.

"Kenshin." When he didn't answer, Kaoru called softly again after a few moments. She pulled him a little closer. He didn't resist.

"Kenshin, you'll be out of here in a few days." Her voice was light, attempting to brighten the mood.

"When you get out, where will you go? What will you do?"

Kenshin remained silent, cherishing the gentle motions of her hand against his back. He did not want to talk about the outside. Truthfully, he was afraid. A great part of him had adjusted to life in a cell. The bars protected him and everyone else. The bars were his life since the age of eighteen.

Kaoru looked down at Kenshin, worried at his silence_. 'You once told me everyone you cared about is dead. You don't have anywhere to go. You're alone. Just like I me.'_

"Come stay with me."

Kenshin blinked out of his thoughts. Reluctantly, he pulled away from her embrace, searching her face to discover if she was serious.

Kaoru had not thought before she spoke, but she'd already spoken. She would not turn back.

Realizing she was serious Kenshin smiled ruefully. "Miss Kamiya, I couldn't possibly-"

Unwilling to face the pain of rejection, before he could finish Kaoru rambled off her list of reasons in a mad rush.

"I have a large house. I'm used to people living with me! Megumi's living with me right now. When daddy was alive he always let people who were down on their luck stay with us. We were never alone! Some of his students stayed with us too. We have the basement made up like a separate apartment and everything!"

"Actually, there's already a place prepared. They have a place for us, for me," Kenshin stated cautiously. Observing her crestfallen expression, Kenshin sought to amend his statement.

"That is, I won't exactly be homeless. My parole officer has a place…" Even as he said it, Kenshin could feel resistance crawling up. To be released from prison, only to be watched over by some asshole parole officer and living in government housing wasn't exactly his idea of full freedom. Of course he could not shake the parole officer, he was part of the deal. Perhaps he could loose the government housing as a compromise. Living with Kaoru until he had some money to take off didn't sound too bad.

Ultimately, Kenshin did not want to live with or be accountable to anyone. To get away and be totally free was ideal. The conditions of his parole required that he stay in Tokyo, get a job, stay out of trouble and prove himself a worthy, productive member of society. Living with a girl like Kaoru might make the prospect of being good and obedient more attractive.

Breaking through his inner musings, Kaoru continued:

"Kenshin! Are you just going to do _everything_ your parole officer says? That would be just like another prison! Why do you want to live in their place? It's probably old and crappy anyway."

From the sudden twitching of his eyes Kaoru could tell she'd struck cord. She smirked to herself, and leaned forward, all the time wondering why she was trying so hard.

Kenshin laughed. "Actually, I do plan on obeying everything he says, for as long as necessary anyway. However, I only need to prove my place is steady. I can choose it myself as long as it's in Tokyo."

"Anyway, staying with you could bring difficulties. You really don't know who I am, and I don't want to give you trouble."

"Actually, I think I know who you are."

Pausing she shook her head. "No, I think I know who you were."

Pulling back slightly, his heart began to beat a little more rapidly. He had not been prepared for this. He should not have been surprised. Too many knew his identity. The killer for the people, of the Notorious Affliction. But that had been years ago, and the government had tried to keep the press exposure down, considering his involvement with them. Fearing they would be shamed and lose trust they tried to keep him a secret. Nevertheless some press had broken through, although never capturing his face, his description and job were made known, before the various reporters were silenced. Still there were those who knew, who remembered, and the name of Battousai was becoming a modern legend in itself, whispered about, here and there. Both revered and hated.

But, Kaoru? She didn't seem the type to be in the know about those things. Besides, there were thousands of kids with red hair and weirdly colored contacts in Japan these days. Though she may have rightly assumed that he wouldn't be bothered with bleach, hair dye and contacts in prison. But still…was he that obvious?

If she did know, what did she think? Would she fear him? No. If she feared him she would not be offering her home to him. Confused once again he decided to simply wait for her to explain.

"My father was the chief of police in Tokyo. He got the position, just five years ago. So if you are who I think you are, then he never had the chance to request your services. But he knew of you, and there were others like you even when he was in power. I didn't realize at first…who you were, but I was thinking about my father and I remembered some stories."

Kenshin looked at her with hard, hooded eyes, his lips set. This was an unexpected and unwelcome development.

"The philosophy of Kamiya Kasshin Ryu was taught to me since I was a child: "The weapon that protects life" My father had begun to teach the style to all the police officers under his command, and as adjunct master, I was to assist him. That is why he explained to me his true reasons for creating our technique. His plan was to have every Tokyo street officer trained in our style, to prevent needless deaths. He wanted to combat the increased hostility our country was showing towards criminals in the form of special operation killers. He explained to me the crazy things that went down in Kyoto ten years ago because of one renegade unit, which got out of control, The Notorious Affliction. I was young then, but I remember. I remember the fear, even though I was one of the protected people."

Kenshin found himself listening harder, his senses sharp. Panic beginning to curl gently in his stomach, forces his defenses into place. She was a protected person during The Affliction, an untouchable. Somehow, her people were in good enough with Katsura or someone involved with the Affliction that they were protected from heaven's judgment. If she was an untouchable, he had most likely misjudged her reasons for being here.

Kaoru was ready for his reaction.

"Listen. It's not what you think. My parents supported the movement at first, but they are both dead now. My father, killed from within because he later opposed his old views. _I_ know that _you_ know even though Katsura lost and was exiled ten years ago, there were still those in government and people under my father's jurisdiction who secretly employed their own _hitokiri_. For a moment it looked like the movement might grow again. My father launched a huge task force and investigation. The punishment was severe for everyone involved. But they didn't get everybody. There were still and are still many who believed in The Affliction. They just went underground. Those who were left conspired against my Dad. When their repeated attempts to get him thrown out failed, they killed him."

"So I think you were with Katsura and The Affliction. But my father used to believe in him, and you must have been very young then. Besides my father said those who killed back then had real intentions, but things can easily get out of control when you place the life of one human in the hands of another."

"Your father was a very wise man, Kaoru," Kenshin said slowly, contemplating her statements. For a girl recalling her father's death she seemed fairly composed, eyes suspiciously bright. This information about Kaoru placed her in a much different perspective. Kaoru had been a child when he was at the height of his madness. Crime and economic discrimination had risen to deadly proportions, with precise social classes divided on every level. Those days it took a brave or crazy man to avoid living in fear. Kenshin had joined forces with Katsura and his group of radicals to deliver their brand of heaven's justice.

Katsura assembled a motley crew of politicians like himself, lawyers, private citizens and street urchins like Kenshin to form a movement. With the help of the much abused police department, they proceeded with what history dubbed as "The Affliction". Their goal was to bring peace and safety to the common people, by _any_ means necessary. Those means more often turned to murder, and after four years any one deemed "a threat to the peace" were subject to random execution. As the death toll rose, only protected persons (people personally connected to the movement) also called untouchables were safe. Soon high-ranking government officials, seemingly innocent of direct wrongdoing were being plucked. It was soon clear that Katsura was not in complete control and the movement wanted more then peace. They wanted absolute authority. At that time Kenshin tried to check out, but he was too late. The fragile and fearful government had labeled him and the rest of the movement as inland terrorists. In addition to that, the movement had marked him as critical to their success. An exit for him, would only be found in death.

"So you know I was with the movement. Okay. I think you disagree with the principles of the movement. Correct? So why are you getting next to me?"

A weak smile grew on Kaoru's face. "You must have been so young then. You wanted to make things right in the world. You wanted a better place for your people correct? I think that's very pure."

Kenshin smiled grimly. "I may have been young, but I was anything but pure."

"I don't know, but if not, then why are they releasing you? You only got ten years, when many others got death or life."

Kenshin's brows creased as he recalled the unwanted knowledge that many of his comrades _had _been executed, exiled or were serving life terms. He _had_ been given a life term, but with the possibility of parole due to his youth at the time and his willful surrender. But was it really just good behavior and his youth that merited this chance for freedom? He was only twenty-eight now. Still time enough to make a new life.

"Come on. Whatever it is you're brooding over, just let it lay, okay? We both said a lot."

Kenshin nodded absently.

"Kenshin I'll pick you up on that day, and then we'll go home together."

Kaoru gave her words as a statement not a question.

'_Is she telling me what to do?'_ Kenshin found this most endearing.

"Okay Kaoru. I'll come with you."

"Really?"

"Yes, but…"

"But?"

"It won't be permanent. I have no idea when I'll take off."

"Awfully cocky aren't we? I'm just being nice to you. It's not like I asked you to stay forever."

"Okay, well, I'm not used to privacy, so I might accidentally walk in on you while you're in the bathroom or something."

For a moment, the look on his face was not quite innocent and Kaoru was left to wonder if he had really intended his statement to sound as freaky as it did.

That was that. Today was the day. Kaoru climbed out of the tub and pulled a soft yellow towel around her body. Kaoru wondered if she was really as crazy as she thought for doing this, but she was convinced Kenshin was not entirely crazy and would not hurt her. Besides she couldn't really back out now. She'd literally be leaving him out in the cold. Still though, why had she so foolishly opened her home to him? More than her home, she'd opened her life. That's what people would say. However, the elusive and indefinite goods of living with Kenshin gave her a feeling of excitement, purpose and uncertainty that overwhelming outweighed the obvious negatives.

Kaoru hadn't realized it but her young heart was screaming. She was infinitely bored with her circumstances, oscillating between a determined sense of purpose and pure recklessness. She was somewhat lost, a teenager without definite guidance. Government and cancer had killed her visible purpose. Kaoru was looking out, for something. Inside her was ferocity of heart that she so desperately wanted to realize. She did not like being the loud girl who fought. Tired of being the daydreaming student who always fell asleep in class. Not quite happy being the unusually strong teenager that could best police officers in a spar. Part of her wanted to be like other girls her age, but she had long since given up, the way to normality eluding her. Perhaps underneath it all, past her smiling face and sharp temper, was a lonely girl looking for purpose and protection. She had lost her anchor, and unconsciously cried out for another.

Kaoru finished dressing and grabbed her keys, heading for the door. She would do this without looking back. She could not imagine what it would feel like to be in Kenshin's shoes. He had no family, and apparently only three friends, in that they were painfully alike. Any normal man would need a helping hand when alone, and Kenshin even more so. After so long, re-entering society would be difficult to put it mildly.

'_It could not have been a mistake that we met. This is stupid, but I don't care.'_

Kaoru stepped out the door, her nervous heart fluttering.

So, there it is. I think this chapter is a lot better than the original. What do you think? Maybe you've forgotten, but please review anyway!


	7. A Living Man

**Thanks for the reviews, you guys are awesome. For old readers, thanks for coming back. I like to think these changes are worthwhile. I was much younger when I started this, so I hope to make it a better story now that I'm older. Also for the oldies, there are two new chaps already written, after I finish the next repost it'll be all new stuff from now on. This chapter is not as radically different as the other chaps and insets, although significant changes have been made. As for my sentence fragments, that's just part of how I write. No excuse for spelling mishaps though. Sorry! Anyway, please enjoy.**

**Chapter 7**

**A Living Man**

Worn black shoes, slightly scuffed at the toes.

Baggy linen, drawstring pants, equally black.

A dark blue, wife-beater T-shirt.

Wife beater…

Wife beater…

'_I was more than a wife beater, worse.'_

Wife killer…

Kenshin allowed his eyes to travel to his wrist, upon which a worn brown leather watch lay. It had stopped. It had probably stopped a decade ago. Amazingly, he could wear the same clothes he had worn at eighteen years old.

Why had he put the watch on? Why had he put any of these clothes on? These clothes were all he had, but it brought him back to a certain unwanted time, to a certain undesirable place. Kenshin closed his eyes and leaned back on the headrest.

Kaoru's car was nice. It smelled nice and this precious fact made him more than a little uncomfortable. It wasn't just the nice smell of her car that bothered him; it was the softness of the seat, the quiet of the drive, the smoothness of the street, the comfortable temperature of the car, and the music in the background.

Kenshin new he should be basking in this comfort. Shouldn't he be swimming in the perfection of it all, gasping with joy at this unlikely blessing? Kenshin grunted. Any normal man would. Kenshin knew he was far from normal. This fact did not necessarily bother him, however he was accustomed to living in harsh, abnormal situations. He was dangerously out of place in this car with Kaoru. Silently, he wondered at the normality of the government. They had unchained him, released him to the world.

Then there was Kaoru, a wonderful little girl he'd only know for a few weeks, and now he'd be living with her. She always rented out her basement. He would be doing what many others had done before him. Just sleeping in her basement. Why should he be any different than all her other boarders? Kenshin looked Kaoru up and down slowly. Her eyes were on the road. He noticed she sat very rigid in her car seat, her chair pulled up until her back was almost vertical. He narrowed his eyes slightly and frowned. He would not be paying rent initially. That was one little fact among many that made him quite different from all the previous occupants of the Kamiya basement.

Why was _he_ so uneasy? She was the unsuspecting do-gooder letting a mysterious criminal move in with her, no matter how temporary. Aside from the fact that _things_ happen, he should not have had any reason to fear her. If anything did happen, it would most likely be his fault. So what was the problem? Kaoru had taken a near constant residence in his thoughts as of late, and Kenshin was morbidly reminded of his extensive capability to obsess over things. In the past ten years he fixated on many things, replaying, and dissecting the thing until it became a part of himself. Swordsmanship and martial arts were his first obsession, followed closely by his need to protect, to serve. In prison he'd allowed his own bloody to consume his thoughts, along with a desire to achieve mental clarity. These two were at constant war with one another. It had been ten years since he obsessed over a mere woman. Kaoru seemed to be breaking that record down. He seemed to think about her, nearly as much as thought about freedom and his retribution.

That thought was very scary, and tremendously disconcerting. Kenshin sunk lower in his seat, a slight scowl gracing his lips as he wondered what he was getting himself into. Kenshin reasoned with himself that Kaoru was a real anomaly in his world of bars, steel and violence. It only made sense that he should fixate on her. No doubt he occupied a great deal of space in her thoughts. This fact alone was enough to make him wonder about her and why she choose to pursue him.

Kaoru was obviously nervous, maybe even scared, but taking him home nonetheless. He had fully expected to greet those barbed gates to the outside alone. Yet she was waiting for him. Standing out there, beyond the gates, smiling. Kenshin could not help shaking his head at the thought of her. He should let it all go.

_"You're a damn fool. Free room, free eats, free companionship, and she's pretty too. I wish it came that easy for me."_ That's what Sano had said in reference to Kenshin's persistent anxiety over Kaoru. _"Pussy on a platter."_ That's what Katsu had said, expecting to earn a hearty laugh and a clap on the back from himself and Sano. Instead he earned five digits in the gut. He had wanted to do more, but Sano was angry and losing his head over regulations. Kenshin almost regretted hitting Katsu so close to his parole, even though he had a sneaking suspicion that no matter what he did he would be released. Another strange phenomenon to worry over.

Had he over-reacted? Kenshin had to remind himself that sudden displays of violence where not an acceptable way to quell his temper as a free man. It is a lesson he'd thought he'd already learned. He was a fighter, and thus faced physical violence on a regular basis. However, he managed to avoid a great deal. Kenshin would never rise to bait as obvious as Katsu's comment. But then, all this time, he only had himself to protect. He only had his own name to defend (which meant nothing to him). Hearing Kaoru's name in conjunction with easy sex was just too much. Kaoru had been a mysterious angel and he was not ready for people to joke about her like that. Hitting Katsu felt so good. Kenshin smiled.

He glanced once again at Kaoru. She had relaxed a bit more and rolled her window down an inch. The cool wind blew a tendril of hair in her face, a few locks clinging to her mouth. He smiled as she pulled them out of her mouth and tucked them behind her ear. She was cute. What would she think of him if she had known what he'd done to Katsu? What would she do if she knew his thoughts had lingered on the implication of Katsu's words?

Out of the corner of her eye, Kaoru caught Kenshin's gaze. He had been staring at her off and on throughout the trip. Nervously, Kaoru giggled.

"What are you looking at Kenshin?"

Kenshin shifted his gaze back to his black shoes. His attitude was so wrong today. It was just too perfect. He could not help but wonder if she was gilded, if underneath her shine there lay some unknown danger. Why did this all seem so frighteningly familiar? A beautiful woman, possessing just what he needed, trying to help him…

"Kenshin, um…are you looking at me?" Kaoru glanced out of her side window then back at Kenshin, only to meet his narrowed violet gaze.

Once again, it dawned on Kenshin that maybe Kaoru was not who she said she was. Could this be some elaborate plan to get back at him for some past offence? She said her father had been Chief of Police and upon further thought, Kenshin realized he knew of her father. She had explained that her father was against what he had fought for and fiercely cleansed the police department of all hitokiri like him.

Kaoru cleared her throat. "Ahem"! It's really not fair to play 'who can stare the longest' when the other person is driving." A nervous laugh from Kaoru, a silent, piercing stare from Kenshin.

Those in favor of the very movement he had been a part of had murdered Kaoru's father. Dubbed the Affliction by lay people all the blood they had shed in the name of justice. And he was the vanguard of that chaotic justice. The antithesis of everything she and her father stood for. What were her true intentions? He needed to be guarded. Women had a power over him that even the most skilled and strongest of men did not. Something about the comfort of touch, the tenderness of an embrace, it melted him like butter.

Kaoru glued her eyes back to the road. A few minutes had passed and Kenshin still had not answered her and he was still staring.

"Kenshin! You're scaring me! What's wrong with you?"

Kenshin stared at her for another second, before a soft smile graced his lips. "I'm sorry." He replied before returning his gaze to his shoes.

"What were you looking at?"

"You know I was looking at you," Kenshin replied gently.

Kaoru blinked a few times, unsure how to reply to his statement. Maybe if he had looked enraptured she would have felt flattered, but he had looked the complete opposite, analytical even. Something about the intensity and length of his gaze had left her feeling…exposed.

"What did you see?"

"Nothing really."

Kaoru's mouth dropped. A little choked, she stammered, "Excuse me? I can stop this car and put you out right here."

Kenshin chuckled. His laugh was low and throaty telling her that he knew her threat was an empty one.

"Is that a threat?"

The confident drawl of his voice sent a strange combination of anger and excitement coursing through her body. She wanted to smack him for putting her in such a position and making her feel excited about it. Kaoru let her foot fall a little deeper on the gas pedal, her hands lifting a bit off the wheel.

"Apologize." Kaoru stated as she took her hands off the wheel.

""What for?"

The car was slowly asserting its independence, veering off track and out of the lane. When the car started hitting grass Kenshin's eyes widened slightly, inwardly amused by her antics.

A small smile formed on Kaoru's lips, as she gracefully took hold of the wheel again and steered the car back on course. "For insulting me."

Kenshin let out a breath.

"A little jumpy, are we?" Kaoru said as she observed Kenshin, happy to turn the table of nervousness back to him. At first his comment was a little hurtful, but she realized he must be nervous, it was his first day, in the real world. Perhaps the first time ever, that he could approach life with no fear. Kaoru wondered idly once again about this arrangement. Perhaps he still had family he could call on, even if he said that everyone he cared about was dead. Maybe there was just bad blood between them. If so, she would help him get over that. Kaoru looked at Kenshin again, wondering what would happen once they got home.

"You're crazy," Kenshin said, smiling at her. His expression was one of mild amusement and equal excitement. Kaoru smiled back.

'_It's good to see him smile, if I can do that for him with my crazy antics, I think I'll stay insane.'_ She thought, as her smile grew more content.

Kenshin glanced out of the window. The world flew past, a wonderful mix of vibrant colors. The green of the grass, the blue of the sky, accented by white clouds and black road, all melded together, letting Kenshin know that they were speeding. It occurred to him that they were in a residential neighborhood as homes flew past, also a blur of color and people. Unless speed limits had changed, they were going entirely too fast for this neighborhood. Kaoru still looked perfectly content as she flew down the street.

Kenshin smiled again, Kaoru giggled.

"What?" They both sang in unison.

"Mou! You first."

"Nothing, it's just, I was enjoying the scenery, the part I can discern anyway."

"What? Oh!" Suddenly noticing her steadily increasing speed, she eased off the gas pedal.

"Oh, my neighborhood's not all that great."

Kenshin grunted. That had to be the understatement of the year. This neighborhood would easily be the most beautiful place he had ever lived in. But then he had always lived in the worst places, save for the classy pent houses he was given during his time as a hitokiri. Those places hardly mattered. At that time he was too covered in blood and politics to enjoy them.

Sakura trees lined both sides of her quiet street. A glistening lake could be seen just beyond the trees on one side, the other side occupied by large homes.

"Kaoru-san, do you really live around here?" Kenshin asked sheepishly. Part of him hoped she would say no, he might not know how to act in such a place. Her car was already making it obvious that he was dirty, out of place. He could only image how lovely her home would be.

"Yes, my home is just around the bend."

Kenshin shifted a little in his seat as they turned the corner. He was faced with a lovely Japanese style home, modest in size and design, yet daunting in its beauty. Some might have found it a bit old fashioned. From the outside it didn't appear to show any sign of modernization. It was flanked on either side by a small dojo and another small building. The grounds were vast and plush.

Kaoru pulled swiftly into a sleek drive. "Well, we're here Kenshin. We're home." Kaoru bounced out of the car, and began to make her way to the door. Kenshin followed her slowly, taking note of the flowers that lined the path to the door. Springtime was here, and weeds were beginning to spring up along with the tiny budding flowers. Kenshin wondered idly if Kaoru had planted those flowers herself. They were definitely in need of a manicure. The flowers were so pretty; they were pure white, streaked with red. Those weeds would certainly grow up and choke the life out of them; even now those hideous weeds were stealing nutrients from the lovely flowers. This took place underground. People often made the mistake of thinking weeds were harmless, until it was too late. Snow white and blood red... Kenshin knew that looks could be deceiving. The ground was just a covering, hiding dangerously strong roots. Those roots could suck the life out of the delicate flowers, before anyone knew what was happening.

"Kenshin?" Kaoru called. She stood in the doorway, holding it open for him. But he was still standing in the walk, staring at her flowers.

_One needed to destroy the weed before it took root and destroyed the fragile beauties._ Kenshin kneeled down and fingered one of the weeds. It was tangled with one of the little white flowers. He started to pull it up, but what was the point? All flowers would die anyway. Nothing could stay beautiful forever. All beautiful things were _meant_ to die. It was destiny. All things would cease to be as they were in this world, beautiful or not. It was the same with people. No, it was worse. People die in agony and desperation. People shed blood.

Feeling a presence above him, a gentle hand on his shoulder, Kenshin looked up. Kaoru gazed down at him, a soft smile on her face, blue eyes twinkling. Her jet-black ponytail blew listlessly in the early spring breeze. Her face was slightly shaded, for she was blocking the sun. A few sunrays peeked at Kenshin through her hair.

"They've come early, right?" Kaoru's smile grew brighter as she kneeled beside Kenshin allowing her hand to stay on his shoulder.

Kenshin blinked a few times, as he watched Kaoru dip her face towards the flowers, her hair falling across her smooth, pale cheek.

"Huh?"

Kaoru looked up from the flowers and leaned into Kenshin. "The flowers silly. It's only April." Kaoru titled her head up to the sky. "April showers bring May flowers." She sang, as she sat down on the grass and began to pull up a flower. Kenshin watched her, his eyes widening slightly at the vision she created. She looked so lovely sitting there among her flowers. Her delicate fingers pulling on the plant, a gentle smile enhancing her soft pink lips. Kenshin almost felt guilty watching her, given his previous morbid thoughts. He felt like a weed beside her, as if his presence would ruin the perfection of it all. She continued to play with her plants, her silk blue ribbon dancing with the breeze. Her own lovely smell mixing with the fragrance of the flowers filled Kenshin's senses. Turning his eyes away from her, Kenshin fixed his eyes on the weeds. He wanted to get up. He didn't want to sit next to her, in a bed of flowers.

"Kenshin."

"Kenshin."

Kaoru was calling him. He turned towards her, keeping his eyes low. She was handing him a flower. The beauty of the situation was unreal to Kenshin. It felt like a wispy dream. A girl who wore ribbons in her hair… soft grass…the smell of flowers mixed with the sweetness of feminine touch, it was all proving too much for him. Not knowing what to feel or think, Kenshin swallowed hard and abruptly stood up.

"I, um, need to use the toilet."

Kaoru frowned a little, opened her mouth to speak then shut it. Kenshin's eyes were glued to the ground, his fingers twitching.

'_I guess he really has to go._' Kaoru thought. It seemed that everything she did elicited a strange reaction from him. Maybe he would like the food she had prepared.

"Sure. Come inside." Kaoru said quietly as she gestured towards the house.

When they entered her home Kenshin simply stood in the doorway, staring. He wanted to move, but he could not make his feet obey. Her home was just as beautiful as he thought it would be. But it was not museum beautiful, that is, it was not filled with fragile, expensive things. Rather, her home was cozy and friendly, the décor distinctly Japanese with a modern flair. Kaoru turned over her shoulder and giggled at the blank expression on his face him. _He's so cute._

"You need to go don't you?"

"Huh?"

"You said, you needed to use the restroom," Kaoru said shyly. "It's right through the kitchen to your left."

"Oh, um, thank you." Kenshin said, with a slight bow he hurried off to the bathroom. Kaoru smiled a little as she went to the fridge, pulling out the sushi rolls she had prepared. She wished she had asked what he liked, not that it would have mattered. Her cooking wasn't that versatile. Simple sushi rolls were the one great thing she could do well. Kaoru took great care in designing the platter of sushi, arranging the various rolls and relishes into lovely patterns. It was late Saturday afternoon, approaching evening. After they ate, perhaps they should go shopping. All Kenshin had to wear were the clothes on his back. Plus she would need to find out what food he liked for tomorrow's celebration dinner. Kaoru knew that Kenshin was nervous and uncomfortable. She had planned a little dinner with Sano, Megumi and herself hoping it would relax him a little. He would probably like to have a bath. Did they have baths in prison? Maybe they could all go to a bathhouse after dinner tomorrow. Then maybe a little karaoke. As Kaoru mulled over her thoughts, she wondered what was taking Kenshin so long.

"Kenshin! What are you doing? Are you taking a dump?" Kaoru screamed, becoming impatient.

A muffled "oro" and Kenshin stumbled out of the bathroom, breaking from his latest daze.

"Are you okay?"

"Oh, uh, yes Kaoru san, I-I'm okay."

Kaoru looked at him quizzically for a second, as she noticed him wiping his hands on his pants.

"Did you wash your hands? We are about to eat." Kaoru gestured towards the platter of sushi on the table.

"Oro"

Shaking her head, Kaoru walked over to the sink. "You're so cute."

Kenshin's cheeks grew a little red as he began to stumble over his words. Kaoru thought she heard something like a cross between "thank you" "I'm sorry" and "oro", before Kenshin gave up and sat down, carefully folding his hands in his lap.

'_And I thought I was nervous._' Kaoru thought.

"Kaoru-san?"

"Hmm?"

"I…I washed my hands, there was just nothing to wipe my hands on."

Kaoru nodded her head slightly in acknowledgement, as she washed out a few dishes for the two of them. She hated housework. She just wished that she had done the dishes before she left. Kenshin must be starving.

Kenshin twiddled his thumbs. The room had grown silent, save for the sound of water swishing against dishes. Kenshin glanced back at Kaoru. She had tilted her head to the side, and began to hum a tune. He allowed his eyes to trail over her slim figure. She wore a snug pink pullover and light flare jeans, her ponytail reaching just past her waist. His attention was drawn lower as Kaoru lifted one small foot up to scratch the back of her other leg. The movement was so small and subtle, yet it intrigued Kenshin immensely. Her ankles looked delicate. Kaoru was a small person, he knew he was short for a man, but Kaoru could not have been more than five feet tall. He had not really noticed before, how petite she was, she'd always carried herself with such attitude. She was washing the dishes very slowly. Kenshin wondered how much she weighed and how light she would feel if he lifted her.

Kaoru shifted her weight again. Why did she have this need to impress Kenshin? If it had just been her, she would have left the dishes alone. It had been a few days since she had really cleaned up. Kenshin was probably appalled by her lack of cleanliness. _'That's what took him so long in the bathroom, he was marveling at the mess.'_

Finally Kaoru finished the dishes and brought them to the table, setting a plate and a pair of chopsticks in front of Kenshin. Kaoru watched with satisfaction as Kenshin began to eat. He didn't grimace. Nobody really grimaced when she made sushi, but nevertheless, Kaoru still harbored the fear that her one great talent in food preparation would leave her one day without warning. Relaxing as he continued to eat, Kaoru began to eat as well, not noticing the dark expression that began to cover Kenshin's face.

Kenshin forced the delicious morsels down his throat. The taste was exquisite.

Yesterday afternoon he was surrounded by other prisoners, eating a strange imitation of food in a grimy cafeteria. Yesterday evening, he showered with twenty other men and slept on a hard, slightly damp, lumpy futon. He had used the bathroom in the middle of the night, the sound of his urine echoing in the halls. He had run out of soap _and_ tissue days before. The toiletries department never heeded requests for more; it was their custom to make you wait. Today, he was eating tasty sushi, in a comfy house, with a beautiful girl who kept soap in her bathroom and made sure he washed his hands before eating. No doubt she would offer him a bath, and by the looks of her house, Kenshin could infer that her futons would feel like heaven.

"Kenshin?" Kaoru wanted to smack herself for sounding like a broken record. All afternoon, it seemed she had only been calling his name, trying to keep him from falling into the distance. Perhaps she should just let him be. It was his first day in the real world again. He would need time. But he was just sitting there, staring at the plate with an unreadable expression on his face. Maybe he was tired. Maybe they should post-pone their shopping trip until tomorrow. She could give him a yukata to sleep in, while she washed his clothes.

"Kenshin?" All this time thinking and he still had not answered. Kaoru wondered if he'd heard her and just refused to answer. Whatever his reasons, it was getting on her nerves. But what should she expect? He was still staring at his plate, unmoving. A slight fear snaked through Kaoru as the idea that Kenshin was more dysfunctional than she. Reminding herself that all this was to be expected, she tried again.

"Um, Kenshin, I was thinking…you'll need clothes, so we can go shopping today, if you want." Glancing at him, she saw his hard expression had not really changed, except he was looking at her, blankly. Was he listening, or did he just shift the direction of his glare?

"Perhaps you would like a bath?"

Kenshin swallowed and shifted his eyes away from her. She was so nice, too nice. All of this was a mistake. He could hardly believe he was listening to this. Turning away from her, Kenshin ran his fingers through his hair, exasperated. He could not stay here.

"I'll make a bath for you. Do you like bubble bath?" Kaoru said with a smile as she stood and gathered the plates. His eyes trailed her to the sink. When she turned to face him once again, he locked eyes with her. Could he really turn down this free gift? Perhaps he would give it more time.

"That would be nice."

"Great, I'll go run it for you."

"Actually, that won't be necessary. I'd like to rest a little first. I'll take it after that."

Kaoru sat down, her happiness at finally having something to do flying away. He was doing it again, sitting with his head down, shoulders stiff and hunched.

"Please don't be sad." Kaoru said as she moved to touch him. He looked so pitiful sitting across from her. Kaoru knew how it felt to be lost and confused. She didn't want his first day as a free man to be ruined by morbid feelings.

"Don't be upset. You're free-"

"Stop." Kenshin brusquely brushed her fingers away from his face. Instantly hurt and confused, Kaoru backed away. What had she done wrong? She started to speak, unwilling to endure another long bout of morose silence, but was interrupted as Kenshin curtly spoke, "I'm sorry. I will go now." Kenshin stood abruptly and moved towards the door.

"Wait. Where are you going?"

"I should leave. This can't work."

Kaoru crossed her arms. This was starting to make her angry.

"Just wait a minute. Can we talk for a second?"

Kenshin stopped, his back to her. Kaoru struggled to think of something to say. She had not actually expected him to stop without a fight.

Talking to Kaoru was the last thing he wanted to do. Although it was quite therapeutic, every time he "talked" to her he ended up revealing a lot more than he intended. She was moving him, affecting him. He was not ready to be moved. He found he opened up parts of himself to her that should have stayed closed.

"So that's it? You're just going?"

Kenshin nodded slowly.

Reading his face, Kaoru countered, "You know you'd be stupid not to stay here. I don't know why you're acting liking this. You shouldn't feel bad about staying here." Kaoru crossed in front of him and stood in front of the door, blocking the exit and folding her arms over her chest.

Did she actually think she could stop him if he wanted to go? He couldn't stifle a small grin at that.

"Ms. Kamiya."

"Stop calling me Ms. Kamiya. We're _friends_, and you're an idiot. I'll be blunt. You're freaked out by all this. I know. But don't be so stupid. What are you going to do? _Walk_ to wherever it is you're going? Honestly, get your head on straight first. Just chill here until you get on your feet. What's the big deal?"

'_What's the big deal? I don't myself in this place. My head isn't straight, I can't remember the last time it was. I don't want you to be a part of that. But still…'_

"It was a big deal, but she was right about one thing. He was an idiot.

Kenshin sat in the bath, staring up at the ceiling. It was pure white. The porcelain tub was also white, although not as pure. Kenshin sank lower in the tub. The steaming water felt better than wonderful against his skin.

This was his second bath that night. The first time was good, and then he had attempted to sleep. That proved to be a futile effort. Wearily he had gone back to the bathroom, hoping to relax himself a little more. The heat of the water was quite addictive. He had forgotten that his muscles could feel so nice.

Relaxed. He had been so uptight with Kaoru earlier that day. Honestly, she was good. He should have been on his hands and knees thanking her for opening her home to him, instead he had given her his backside. The reasons for his behavior had eluded him for hours, as he lay on the futon she had given him, trying to figure it all out. After some time he came to the uneasy realization that he was simply afraid.

Fear was something he had always balked at. It simply did not have a place in his life. Yet here he was, afraid to be out in the world again, afraid of his own mind. He was afraid that this release was just a new opportunity to ruin his life all over again, and possibly the lives of others. He never went down alone. At that, his thoughts drifted back to Kaoru. Could he actually start over? Build a normal life? He was born and bred in violence; a delinquent, high school drop out and killer by age fifteen. What could he possibly contribute to the world?

Kenshin sank under the water. At times like this, he felt it would be so much easier just to embrace the deepest silence possible and let himself fade into the darkness…

Banishing the thought Kenshin regretfully sat up once again. He would need a thousand hands to count the number of people who died for him or because of him. Some in body, others in spirit. It would be too easy and all too wonderful to let himself go like that. Kenshin took several deep breaths, concentrating on forcing the suicidal thoughts away. He would not think on those things now. Kaoru had once said that she believed there wasn't a person who could not be saved. Could he be saved? Maybe if he changed into a different being, maybe if Himura Kenshin wasn't here at all…

Closing his eyes, Kenshin slowly trailed his hands up his arms to massage his shoulders. Closing his eyes, he let out a deep sigh, enjoying the feel of his administrations. The soft patter of rain could be heard outside, bringing back memories of another bath…so many years ago, shared with another person. The tub was not quite as comfortable. Actually, it was barely acceptable. Kenshin smiled ruefully, some of his fondest memories of Tomoe were from the times that they lived in squalor. On the run from the world, they darted from motel to motel, until it all ended, on a hot day in Hakone. Nature always reminded him of her. It was one of the first things, she taught him to appreciate. It was through her that he embraced the beauty and majesty of the earth.

Beauty…

All this time he had been raking his brains in fear, his eyes had been closed to the wonder around him. He had been blessed with the gift of life once again, and here he was squandering it. But he had not asked for this. Blessings were not meant for demons. Rising out of the tub, Kenshin dried his body then wrapped himself in the small yukata, Kaoru provided. Not bothering to tie his dripping hair Kenshin made his way up stairs, passing a sleeping Kaoru on the couch. Music videos played in the background, though Kaoru was oblivious, her head hanging back just enough to cause her mouth to gap open. She was dressed in a pair of yellow cotton pajama pants and a small pink baby tee. Her high ponytail was traded for a thick, long braid, nearly reaching her hips. The cordless phone was in her hand and a bowl of unfinished cereal sat on the table in front of her. Kenshin quietly tiptoed towards her, slipping the phone out of her hands and grabbing the bowl of cereal. He wanted to scoop her up and put her in bed. She might have cramps in the morning if she slept on the couch, not to mention the way her head was cocked back. Kenshin moved to pick her up then thought better of it. She might wake up, and the last thing he wanted was for her to catch him wrapping his arms around her body, attempting to carry her off. She just might get the wrong idea. Perhaps he could wake her, but no, she looked too peaceful. Plus she might think he was watching her. He was watching her, but no need for her to know that. Better to just leave her be.

After a brief quiet search, Kenshin put the objects in their respective places, before stepping out onto the back porch to watch the rainfall from under the awning.

The world seemed vast and beautiful. It was only her back yard, but it was still entirely beautiful. Kaoru's grounds were not necessarily impressive, but Kenshin felt the wanderlust of a newborn man. The sky was filled with dark clouds, pouring rain. The night air was cool, and a wind had picked up. Kenshin closed his eyes and bowed his head. It had been years since he had been so free and close to rain. If he wanted to, he could step right out in it. He could dance in it. Kenshin reached a tentative hand out to feel the cool droplets of water. The rain fell steadily, almost rhythmic in quality. A song was in his ears, faint and sweet. It was all so perfect, yet he still felt incomplete. Was this even real? As a prisoner, he had been an outsider looking in on the rest of the world through television and books. Even before he was incarcerated, it seemed as if his world was a cocoon of confusion and desire, keeping him trapped inside. Even now he could almost see a row of black iron bars in front of him. The song grew stronger.

"I sing for joy at the works of your hands," A melodious voice sang.

It was Kaoru. She was standing next to him singing. One delicate hand stretched forth to feel the rain, the other holding a small leather bound book. He didn't say anything, mildly disappointed in himself for not noticing her presence.

"Don't feel bad," she remarked quietly. "I purposely quieted myself. I didn't want to disturb you."

"Then why are you here?"

"I just wanted to read you something." Ignoring his curtness, Kaoru tilted the book a little to show him.

"The Bible?" Kenshin's eyes widened slightly. Great. Just when he was coming to terms with his already existent fears. All he needed now was another reminder that he would spend eternity burning in Hell.

Noting the annoyance in his eyes, Kaoru put the book down.

"It's not all Hell and damnation you know. There's some good things in there, that have helped me a lot in hard times."

"You really read that?"

"Yeah, I even go to church sometimes too."

Kenshin remained silent, his expression unreadable. Kaoru grimaced slightly. She was only half sleep when he came down the stairs and stood beside her. She could sense him watching her. He had been tense. She could sense he was waiting to do something to her. But then he had simply straightened out her mess. After saying a quick prayer, she followed him, observing his expression. He looked the way he did in prison when he confessed to her, only worse. It was worse because this time he was free. He did not have to be afraid anymore. Then she remembered the root of his problem: guilt. She knew Kenshin had many other dark secrets he had not shared with her, but guilt, regret and fear seemed to overshadow their last conversation. Kaoru knew from experience how strong those emotions could be. She painfully remembered an incident not too long ago, with another man, one that caused her to be over-taken by those same emotions. She had felt so much regret, and guilt, she had considered taking her own life. But that was in the past. She had not missed that look in Kenshin's eyes when he attempted to leave earlier. She knew that look all too well. She had seen it in her own eyes.

"So, what do you want read me?" Kenshin asked, becoming unnerved by her silence. He had snapped at her again, and he hoped she would not be too upset with him.

Kaoru held up a single finger. "But this one thing I do: forgetting those things that are behind, and reaching forth to those things which are before, I press toward the mark-"

"Are you telling me to forget my past? I am reminded every time I look in the mirror," Kenshin interrupted.

"Your scar?"

"Even if I did not have this scar, those days are burned on my heart. It would be a crime to forget," Kenshin's voice was stern, hard.

"You're so stubborn. Or maybe you're just an idiot," Kaoru said quietly as she stepped out into the rain. Kenshin seemed determined to remain miserable or maybe he just wanted to be alone. Regardless, Kaoru decided she didn't like either option. She turned and looked at him, her face just as hard as his.

Kenshin coldly stared her down. Kaoru refused blink, even as the rain beat down on her face.

Finally, Kenshin broke the silence, his voice carrying a gentler tone. "You do not understand Kaoru. I do not wish to explain."

Kaoru stood for a moment. "Hand me that book."

Kenshin tossed her the bible; she caught it gracefully and flipped it open to a bookmarked page.

"As for man, his days are as grass: as a flower of the field, so he flourisheth. The wind passeth over it, and it is gone, and the place thereof shall know it no more." Kaoru closed the book and stepped to him.

"I don't know, and I won't pretend to understand all that's happened in your life or what's going on with you. But I know that life is short, and you've already spent too much of it in a cage."

Kenshin stared down at his feet. What she was true. He had spent a decade in prison, for the crimes of his youth. During the Affliction he was never free. He could barely remember how free life was before it was taken away from him.

How had it escaped him? The preciousness of life? Ironically, Kenshin had always been highly aware of the fragility of life. He knew people could die at any moment. He was so constantly aware of this that he failed to recognize the _strength_ of life.

In just a moment of time he could experience the world. But what had he done with his chance to live? He had spent his time taking the lives of others, snuffing out their precious experiences and dreams, all to create peace and freedom. But can peace and freedom really be accomplished by such means? Before he could dip further into his this train of thought he was interrupted by Kaoru's softly commanding voice.

"Come here."

He slowly obeyed, moving to stand close before her. Kaoru gripped his shoulders and began to press him down. He was confused, but he didn't resist as she slowly pushed him to the ground. She joined him on the muddy earth, and pulled up a handful of grass and mud.

"Feel this."

Kenshin eyed her tentatively then pushed his hand against hers, and she locked her fingers with his, the mud sliding between their hands.

"This Earth, this world, is God's gift to us. Embrace this creation."

For a moment they sat, watching each other. "I don't think I really believe in god."

"That's alright. God believes in you. I believe in you." Kaoru squeezed his hand a little tighter. Then she spoke, her voice barely above a whisper. "In this moment, we are both alive. You can feel both pleasure and pain. One is inevitable, the other is a choice."

'_A difficult choice.'_ It had been so difficult, he never even tried to make that choice. That precious thing, that wonderful feeling was always beyond his grasp. He had felt it, in fleeting moments, but never in its purest form, freedom from constant fear and regret. Even now, he felt that pulling in his heart, that deep gnawing in his soul for happiness. But this time he would reach for it. Reach for that thing, that wonderful peace, despite his horrible past and uncertain future. He would reach.

Kenshin turned to Kaoru once again. He had an uncanny knack for getting too caught up in the issues of his life, so much so that he often missed the gifts.

"Kaoru, I don't understand why you — why are you doing this for me?

"Greater love hath no man than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. I've hardly laid down my life, so I'll say this isn't much."

She was looking away from him, the moonlight shining on her skin.

Kaoru slapped him on the shoulder before standing to go inside, pausing at the door when he did not follow.

"You coming?"

"Of course, but I think I'll stay here for a moment."

Her backyard stretched before him, an endless see of color and darkness. The various stones that accented her unkempt garden were slick and shiny, practically glowing in the moonlight.

'_Choice.'_

The need to explore, to see more of his world, moved Kenshin to standing. In moments he was heading for the street.

Kenshin walked slowly down the road, it was if…as if he were in slow motion. The knowledge of his human authority within this sphere called Earth began to flood into him. What had he done with that authority? The blessed ability to choose? The wind blew and swirled around him, his wet hair blowing against his face. He walked on, his shoes soaked from the rain.

He must be a sight, a scarred man walking around in the middle of the night, in a practical haze. Clad only in a small yukata, and a pair of busted ten-year-old shoes, soaked from head to toe. Kenshin laughed, despite himself. It didn't matter. Nobody was around to see him. Nothing mattered. He was alive and free.

Kenshin blinked. A single raindrop fell into his eye. He searched himself. He had often run from his own heart, fearful of what he might find. But this time he needed to know himself. He had to face himself if he were to move forward. Closing his eyes, he was assaulted by words, images, and feelings from his past. His heart began to beat faster as his life ran through his head at a thousand miles an hour.

His parents…murder and poverty

Brother and sister…drugs and money

Hiko…strength, alcohol and pain.

The Affliction…anger and vengeance.

The ferocious love he had for Tomoe…fragile and violent.

Kenshin took a deep breath and stumbled. All his life he had kept moving, in pursuit of strength, needing a cause, living so fast he killed himself in the process.

Kenshin was not aware of how far he had walked. Nearing the creak on the other side of Kaoru's street, Kenshin stumbled over to the grassy bank. The realization of his world hit him hard. So much experience, both terrible and beautiful, the knowledge of it all was too much for him. He had never faced it all at once. Above it all the sacrifices prevailed.

"Mother, Father, sister, brother, Tomoe." They were dead and he was not.

They were dead and he was not. He was a breathing man.

A living man.

Kenshin stumbled and allowed himself to fall into the wet grass, cherishing the wetness. Cherishing the wind blowing, and the increasing steady flow of rain. It was too wonderful to attain. Kenshin knelt in the grass and brushed his face across the wet green strands. These things were alive. Kenshin lay down and rolled in the grass, delighting in the feel of the wet earth against his body.

"Don't ever stop." Kenshin gasped. He looked up to the sky, spreading his arms. Embrace. Embrace this creation. Whatever Kaoru was talking about, it was true. Nature was beautiful and sinless, an artist's design, invading him with its resplendence. He wanted to feel more of it, more of this precious freedom that he had really never had.

With Tomoe he had come close, she had allowed him to see the world with new eyes, and in a sense that set him free; but their relationship was bred in a world of bloody insanity. Even after she revealed truth to him, they remained wrapped in violence. That was what held them together in their chaotic world, mutual thirst for that necessary fluid that coursed through veins, sustaining life. They were both twisted, but together they found love and a strange type of release. It was morbid and exquisite. But that type of love was dangerous an ultimately lead to her death and his…what had it lead him to? Kenshin didn't know, but he would find it.

He would find his answer in this beautiful, terrible Earth. He was alive.

"I'm alive." Kenshin arched his back, wanted to feel more of the rain. He pulled himself to his knees and freed himself of the yukata. Kenshin ran his hands recklessly across his body, marveling at the feel of his own skin, grinning incessantly. He lay down again, rolling in the grass, stopping occasionally to marvel at a single blade, or a stray flower.

Whatever happened tomorrow he really did not care. If he died tonight, next week or tomorrow it still would not matter. If he scared the heaven out of Kaoru when or if she got to know the real him didn't matter, the presence watching him in the bushes didn't matter.

'_Focus.'_ Kenshin stopped, his lax body, instantly tensing. Pulling his face out the grass, he peered into the darkness, eyes narrowing. Presence in the bushes? For a brief moment, he had felt a strange, yet familiar presence watching him. Kenshin closed his eyes and tried to gather his senses. Nothing.

Was it all just a figment of his paranoid imagination? A result of his current strange state of mind? Or was it just some innocent passerby shocked to witness the spectacle he had created.

Kenshin looked down at himself, his cheeks beginning to burn at the thought that another human being, hostile or not had seen him rolling around naked in the grass like an animal. Kenshin shrugged his shoulders and brushed some of the rain out of his eyes. It was really coming down now.

Perhaps he was being irrational. It was probably nothing. His senses were a bit over-worked. Kenshin stood and flexed, tossed his head back and opened his mouth, letting the rain fall in. Whatever the case, he was a free man, with a second chance to actually make something of his life and do something worthwhile.

Anybody try something, he'd be ready. He would gladly break any man down that moved to steal this freedom from him. It was creeping up his spine, the coldness required to break a man. There need not be a body present to provoke that spirit. It all began in the mind.

Kenshin pushed the thoughts away, desiring not to ruin his mood with such steely coldness. It had a persistent habit of creeping up on him with the slightest thing.

Coming down from his trip, Kenshin pulled the drenched yukata around his body. The afterglow of his revelations fading, only to be replaced by the thought of Kaoru welcoming him inside. She'd be standing in the rain, soaked from head to toe. Jet-black hair plastered to her face, soaking wet clothes clinging sensually to every curve of her sweet body. If Kaoru's god were real he certainly deserved to be thanked for the precious gift of women.

It was a purebred miracle. The vilest man in all of Japan would be living with the world's most heavenly angel. She was too wonderful to comprehend. Fierce, ribbon wearing, flower picking lark by day — wisdom kicking goddess by night. His senses were kicking in over-drive. His basic needs, both physical and mental awakening and jumping at the implication of all that she offered.

Kaoru snuggled under her plush yellow comforter, enjoying the warmth. Although she was dead tired, sleep would not come. Kenshin was still out, and she could not imagine what he was up to. She had made tea, and waited, but after thirty minutes he was still gone. Then she had looked for him, searching all of her grounds, getting herself all wet again in the process. He was nowhere to be seen. After an hour worry set in. Where could he have gone? What was he doing? She was afraid for him, afraid that he would do something crazy like jump in front of a car, or drown himself in the creak. It happened from time to time, hopeless, maladjusted prisoners, committing suicide upon release. Yet, he had seemed at an uneasy peace when she left him, and the confidence in his voice….

It had been over an hour. Kaoru closed her eyes and tried to sleep once again. She had washed his clothes and laid them out for him along with a larger robe. If he had run off half-naked in the middle of the night, then he really was crazy. Therefore, she would be better off without him. Then she heard a noise, the back door sliding open.

It was him. Kaoru wondered if she should try to fake sleep first or if she should throttle him immediately. Deciding to wait until morning when she had enough energy to do a good job, Kaoru settled herself in the sofa. She heard him take the clothes and move away. He was certainly dripping water all over her floor right now. Kaoru had already mopped up her own mess and did not feel like getting up to clean up his.

She would get him good in the morning. _'He comes in at the crack of dawn, he drips all over my floor and if he thought I didn't see him ogling me in the rain, he must be the biggest fool alive.'_ Kaoru blushed slightly, it was her own fault for walking into the rain wearing a baby tee, but then she had been too busy trying to talk sense into him.

Plus she was ogling him too. Kaoru grinned inside as certain pleasurable thoughts of a wet redhead filtered through her mind. Kenshin standing in the rain, his crimson hair darkened by the rain, dropping to his slender waist. The rippling, lean muscle of his legs, revealed to her by the shortness of the robe. Certain alluring body parts accented by the clinging fabric. _'None of my boyfriends were ever that sculpted.' _Kaoru thought as she drifted off to sleep.

Tonight sleep would not be easy. After an hour of half-sleep, Kenshin got out of bed. With nothing to do, He idly walked back upstairs, maybe if he could just look at her just one last time before he went back to bed… Kenshin crept to the sofa quietly until he was standing over her.

'_She smiles even in her sleep. I wonder what she's dreaming about.' _Kenshin looked down at her dreamy face longingly. His longing was only slightly for her; it was more for the apparent peace she had in sleep. Rest for him was usually anything but peaceful.

Feeling a presence above her Kaoru opened sleepy eyes, only to be startled by Kenshin's concentrated gaze.

"K-Kenshin!" she stuttered.

"S-sorry, I did not mean to wake you."

"Oh, well… did you want something?"

Kenshin just stood there for a few long moments blushing.

"What you can't sleep? Do you want to sleep here with me? You poor baby." Kaoru teased sleepily.

"With you?"

Ignoring his confused expression, Kaoru moved over making room for him.

"I was joking you idiot. But why not?" Turning over, her back to him, Kaoru reached back and lifted the covers for him.

"Stop being so scared. Just get in." Quietly, carefully, Kenshin slipped under the cover and settled himself next to her.

**Thanks until next time.**


	8. Days of Living Hard

**Black Shadow, Piercing Light**

**Chapter Eight**

**Days of Living Hard**

Somewhere…

"We are almost ready. Soon we can begin again."

"You speak pre-maturely our second has not yet complied and we are not sure if our first is even ready."

"Consider the second confirmed."

"But how can you--"

"As long as we keep our grip on the weasel, he is ours."

"If we use only a woman as bait he will eventually turn against us, his heart will not be with our cause."

"Humph. We do not need his heart, only his strength. As for his probable betrayal, our first will take care of that."

"But how can we be sure if our first is ready? And if he is, what makes you so sure he will comply?"

"You idiot. There is no doubt, his strength remains. We have only to tear it out of him. A caged beast is ever ready to attack. As for his cooperation we already have his heart. Once he understands the urgency of our cause, he will not turn back."

"You're still just basing our success on a chance."

"We cannot loose. We have many cards to play, he has nothing but his wasted pride."

"Fine. Then let's continue."

Kenshin closed his eyes, and inhaled deeply. He had lain awake for long moments last night, before allowing rest to take his body.

'_Kaoru._ _Last night was like a dream_._' _

'_Who are you? I want to know you.'_

She had accepted him, even though she knew who he was. Even allowing him to sleep by her side in his first night at her home.

'_I want to know you Kaoru,' _Kenshin thought longingly.

Last night, with her invitation his mind had left him and he had simply stood there gaping at her dumbly. Kenshin smiled at the thought. It had been many years since he had fallen victim to his occasionally idiotic nature. It seems that along with freedom, those cursed moments of profound confusion had returned to him as well. Those moments when his thoughts were too mixed and scattered to logically sort; a moment in which the only thing he could utter was "oro". Luckily, at that moment, she was obviously still caught in the throngs of sleep, so she probably would not remember his temporary lack of coherence at her request.

Kenshin had considered the suggestion that he should ignore her invitation. She had been half asleep, and probably incoherent. He'd temporarily wrestled with the internal warning that sleeping with her would not be proper, that the two of them were getting too close too soon.

He wrestled and lost, ignoring his instinct, he had joined her on the couch. He'd felt so alive last night and it was largely thanks to her powerful words. He did not want to be alone.

Kenshin frowned to himself as he considered the reasoning behind his decision. Selfish. How would she feel about it when she awoke? Maybe she wouldn't care. After all, it was her idea.

Kenshin glanced down at Kaoru's sleeping face. _'She's wonderful. Beautiful…a tempting puzzle.'_

She was enigmatic and unpredictable. Kaoru had made him feel things he had not felt in years. She exhumed emotions from him that he had long buried.

Continuously visiting him in prison, calling him, despite the risks he presented…opening her home and her life to him…lifting his spirits and opening his eyes when he was down…the things she said…the way she touched him… Though she may have been incoherent when she welcomed him to bed, that action had comforted Kenshin immensely. It had been an inconceivable amount of time since Kenshin had slept so close to another human being. The pleasant warmth of her body next to his and the sweet intake of her breath was more than enough to sooth Kenshin's troubled heart to soundless slumber.

How could he ever repay her for all she had done? Her kindness to him was unmerited and he was unsure if there was a way to properly repay her. Her gift to him was above all, a gift of the heart. To this, Kenshin felt he had nothing to give. Surely this girl, so alone in the world was in need of something tangible? He would make it his point to find out. Whatever she needed, whatever she _wanted _he would try and supply.

But a gift of the heart required a heart in return…did it not? Kenshin frowned, in this area he felt painfully incompetent. Kenshin knew he was quite twisted and had been since early childhood. Over the years he had tried to find a balance in prison. However, now that he was on the outside, the search would have to begin anew. This world had different rules and customs. It had been so long Kenshin wasn't sure he remembered how to live free. One thing was certain, he would find a path of atonement, search for a true way to atone for his past. He still needed to find a way to make something of his life. What could he possibly offer Kaoru? She was still young and new, not even finish with high school. Was it even appropriate for them to be friends? Kenshin smirked. Of course it was inappropriate, but to hell with propriety. Kaoru was a mature young woman with a lot of wisdom for her years, she'd already taught him a few things. Besides, he'd even been married at her age.

Kenshin frowned to himself as he idly traced a finger across Kaoru's baby soft cheek. Was that where this was going? Was their growing friendship just a prelude to something more?

In the back of his mind, somewhere deep inside him, lay the suggestion, the desire…for Kamiya Kaoru. To posses her…these thoughts were creeping, at the center of his now peaceful heart. Those feelings were mixing with others long buried, yet at once alive. They were intense and wishing not to deal with them, Kenshin pushed them away, willing sleep to return. Kenshin smiled contently on the outside, oblivious to his possessive thoughts.

Glancing at the oak-wood clock that hung on the wall, Kenshin resigned himself to wake up. It was a little after 7 a.m. He had awakened at 7 a.m. roll call for nearly ten years. His bodily routine would not be easily broken.

This day was different. For the variance of this lovely spring morning was laying beside him, bathed in quiet morning sunlight. Her midnight black braid lay tousled about her head on the pillow, messy from sleep.

Tentatively he raised his hands to her face, the impulse to touch her again rising from inside of him despite his earlier banishment of the desire. Watching the gentle up and down motions of her chest proved insufficient, he wanted more. He needed to prove that the dream was real. Afraid to wake her, he settled for the feel of her breath on his skin. Her lips were not parted enough to feel her breath, so he carefully, reverently raised his hands to her delicate nose, his fingers a breath away from her porcelain skin.

Kyoto

"Damn! I'm so hot," the young girl said as she wiped her sweaty back with a steaming white towel.

"Then why are you using that hot towel," a cool voice said from behind her. His steel blue eyes softened slightly at the sight of her, at the ever-present mischievous smile on her face.

"Come here," he spoke softly to her back. He waited patiently for a moment, but when she failed to answer, he decided to call her. He needed her to be near him.

_All I need in this life of sin, just me and my girlfriend._

Narrowed jade green eyes peaked over one smooth tan shoulder, a wide roguish smile on her lips.

He was sitting in her favorite chair. The chair that he bought for her, it was the color of her eyes. Grinning, she walked towards him, putting a little twist in her hips, simply because he was watching.

He observed her appreciatively. She looked so good in her sports bra and spandex shorts. The little spitfire had worked up a good sweat with him in the gym. He had been training her especially hard lately. He had not told her his reasons, she would protest if she knew why he had suddenly become obsessed with making her stronger.

She stopped a foot from him. Leaning her face on one hand, she sighed heavily as she let the other play with the lethal belt of miniature knives that hung loosely around her waist. She was not ashamed to admire him in the least. He was her dream come true. He sat there, trying to maintain a cool disposition. Anyone else would be fooled and even intimidated by his seemingly cold demeanor. But not her, where others would have been afraid or offended at his disposition, she felt awe.

"Let me give you a massage," he said quietly.

Silently Misao pulled her top over her head and tossed it to the side, giggling softly as she noticed a slight tightening of his lips at her actions. Smiling brightly into his calm face she took his hand, and tugged gently. He stood, giving her the seat.

She spread her legs, straddling the chair, as strong hands begin to massage her bare back. Misao closed her eyes, and slowly parted her lips, allowing a small breath to escape her. Relaxing, she pressed her breast deep into the plush green velvet chair, letting her head drop as the fingers gently pressed her sides, so light it tickled.

Staring down at her slick, toned back, he began to idly trace the lines of her tattoo, an embarrassed rose. He remembered when she had gotten that tattoo. He started at the middle of her back, where the stem of the rose began, tracing up to the petals which reached to the very top of her shoulder.

Her breaths had become shorter, yet she was quiet, nearly silent. He allowed his eyes to drift over her golden brown back, glistening with sweat, before dipping his head to taste a few lone droplets at the nape of her neck.

Misao smiled silently to herself, as her man began to run his fingers through her chin-length cherry blond hair. Kneeling, he wrapped his muscular arms around her waist and pulled her back gently, she complied, sliding off the chair and into his arms. Cuddling her in his arms he tugged gently at her earlobe with his teeth.

_All I need in this life of sin, just me and my girlfriend._

"Misao," he whispered into her ear.

The slight inclination of her head told him she was listening. Could he really tell her? Would she accept?

"Would you follow me anywhere?"

Leisurely shrugging her shoulders, Misao twisted in his arms to lie comfortably across his thighs and gazed up at her beloved, idly wondering if life could be more perfect. She loved the feel of his arms around her, his strength never ceased to amaze her. Perhaps she should really consider his question. She was feeling a little high, but in the distance, her brain registered that his question might be important.

Would she follow him anywhere? The circumstances of their relationship, the circumstances of her entire life, for that matter were hardly ideal. She was an outcast, a criminal, and a complete menace to society. But that was all right, as long as she had him. His strength, his dreams, his cause was enough for her to rely on for decades to come. Everything about him was enough to keep her going forever.

Misao smiled languorously and nodded her head. "Of course, I would follow you anywhere."

He gazed back at her, his lips were tight, his eyes set. What was going on in his head? This is what she admired and hated most about him, the absolute control he tried so hard to maintain. Most of the time he was quite successful. Many thought he was just cold, a heartless man, and a ruthless leader. Misao knew better, she had seen the inside of him and could see him clearly now. She believed she understood him, perhaps even more than he understood himself.

Slowly she slid her hand down her body to toy with one of the sharp miniature knifes she wore around her waist. He had given her those knives. Hannya had made it into a belt for her. She always wore it.

_I would follow you anywhere._ He painfully reflected on her words. How did she always do this to him? Could he really leave her? _'It is for the best,'_ he reasoned quietly to himself. He was taking his men to a place he never thought he would go, but the man had him by his neck and until he found a way to deliver himself, he would have to leave her behind. He was doing it for her. He was doing it because he loved her.

"Misao." He breathed, his voice a deep rumble. She didn't answer as he began to place soft kisses low on her belly. "Misao", this time his voice was more urgent, insistent. He needed her, one last time.

"Yes?" She replied slowly looking away from him. Something was wrong with him. She could feel it. Returning her gaze to him, she cupped his face with one hand, as she placed the other on his quivering shoulder. "Yes Aoshi?" His lips parted slightly, he looked troubled.

"Aoshi?"

He shook his head, looking away. He didn't want her to see the conflict in his eyes. He had always been strong for her.

Though he tried to hide it, Misao had not missed the turmoil in his eyes. "What--"

Shaking his head with uncharacteristic violence Aoshi turned away from her before speaking. "Would you really follow me anywhere, no matter what?"

"Of course!" Misao answered quickly.

_Down to ride to the bloody end, just me and my girlfriend._

Aoshi studied her face long and hard, his steel blue eyes boring into her worried emeralds.

'_You would follow me anywhere, and you always have, no matter where I have led you. But I cannot lead you here,' _Aoshi thought as he slowly took her lips in a deep, consuming kiss.

'_Follow me here, just one last time…'_

Kenshin furrowed his brows, worried as the pace of Kaoru's breathing increased, bathing the tips of his fingers in moist heat. Eyes drifting shut, he exhaled deeply enjoying the feel of her warmth on his fingers. Listlessly he let his hand drop to her lips, marveling at their softness, not noticing the distressed crease of her brows at his actions.

Kaoru moaned softly at Kenshin's feather light touch. He withdrew his hands ever so slightly, yet he could not will himself to pull his hands away completely. A tiny utterance, perhaps a name, escaped her. Kenshin could not be sure. He felt a strange pull inside him. A feeling he could not name, distinctly familiar, yet not experienced in so many years. It began to creep through his body and heart as another soft sound escaped her.

She twisted ever so slightly towards him, a distinctly feminine moan tumbling from her throat. She shifted slightly, one delicate hand grabbing hold of his yukata in weak desperation. The movement was almost pitiful in its gentle intensity. A smile? A frown? Something graced her lips and Kenshin was unsure of what to do. Wake her from the throngs of a nightmare? Or was this just his usual paranoia? Perhaps the dream was some delightful consuming fantasy.

_Kaoru bit down on her lip hard enough to draw blood. She screamed, but she was laughing at the same time. Her face was a strange combination of laughter and tears. Her eyes were soft and pleading. For what? In a closet, she wanted out. At least the she could feel the sunlight. But it was cold in her closet._

_Sweet…bad…Naoki… _

_She lay in a dank place. Everything was damp. She was dry and wet at the same time. It was too bad to be good. How could something so good be so bad?_

_He was moisture and crumpled sweaty, clothing, gritted teeth and flashing eyes. There was no space in the closet. Not space enough for two bodies._

_It was raining inside. Kaoru thought that could not be right; but then she realized that it was not rain at all, it was her tears._

'_Naoki.'_

_He grunted her name and Kaoru looked up. Just beyond his head the sun was shining brightly and the roof was black and blue. '_

'_Inside my little closet…'_

_Grey clouds speed past the old sun. Somehow Kaoru knew that the sun was dying. It cannot live in a closet; not enough space. No, it was not setting. The sun was dying, because little Kaoru had finally given away her precious gold._

Colors of pleasure, colors of lust, colors of pain coursed through her body and soul. Clinging to him, she murmured something light and soft, under her breath. Kenshin gazed down at her as her long eyelashes fluttered gracefully against her smooth skin, her clutch on his yukata gradually growing slack. In his eyes, she was changing into something better than wonderful, as bright as the morning sun, as he raptly watched her, caught in the throes of some consuming dream. He was mesmerized.

Kenshin swallowed thickly and turned swiftly onto his back and tightly folded his arms across his chest. What was happening to him? Was it too much to even watch her sleep?

"Kaoru!" Kenshin called out crisply.

The girl awoke with a start, large blue eyes blinking rapidly.

'_Where…?'_

The last thing she remembered she was in a closet with…with Naoki.

Kaoru swallowed hard. Only a dream, yet so real. Bringing the vivid memory of that day back in full force.

Kaoru had become a master of healthy suppression. '_If suppression can be considered healthy. __Whatever.'_ She needed it to stay alive, to keep smiling. Especially now, now that her reasons for smiling were dead or forsaken or, so far away…

"Kaoru."

Kenshin sat up and looked down at her, his face serious.

Kaoru closed her eyes and silently prayed. The true memory of that day was so fresh in her head, the worst day of her life…the day that should have been the best. The day that she had lost two things most precious to her. One day in room 305…

_The rooms of the general hospital were clean, spotless. The wall of room 305 was a dull off white. The polished floors gleamed like glass marbles._

_Outside, the sun shone clearly overhead. Thick fluffy white clouds, accented the clear blue sky. It was a lovely spring day._

_No one moving, no one talking. _

_Room 305 was quiet, save for the constant hum of the machines. The drumming "beep" of the machines. The steady intake of a raspy breath, the occasional choking cough. The occasional sniff of a crying girl. Room 305 was clean, but it bore a distinct smell, sweet and thick…_

_If she got up and opened the window then a fresh breeze would come through. But the woman in the bed was already shivering, though she was warm to the touch. _

_For the past seven days, the routine had not changed. Sit down, laugh, smile, and speak of lovely things. Ignore the noise. Press through even as tears appear. Break down, choke on the sobs, collapse onto the bed. Suck it in, and try again._

_For the past few days, she had always been successful on the second or third time around. Not this time._

_This time, she could not pull herself away from reality long enough to gather the necessary will. This time, the noise kept bringing her back. _

_Try again._

_Failure._

_Now the pressure was building. A loud racking sob was in her chest now, bursting through her throat and shaking her shoulders violently. _

_The breathing continued. The smell had not changed. The "beep" remained constant. It was a soundtrack of sorts, allowing knowledge of the inevitable to remain._

"_There is nothing we can do. There is nothing you can do."_

_The doctors were right. Apparently, being there made no difference. Her father had figured that out a long time ago, hence his current absence._

_Some holes need to be filled. Bleeding wounds need to be bandaged. She would find a bandage, something…anything. Slowly, she stood up. She did not look back, even as the sound of one practically strangled breath stopped her in her tracks. _

_She walked out the door._

_She walked, ignoring the shame. People were looking at her. They saw her tear soaked face, her trembling lips. Her heart beat in her chest._

'_Will someone stop me and ask me what's wrong? Please don't stop me.'_

_She walked faster to the pay phone and dialed furiously as she reached it. She was so weak then. So easily moved…_

_As if the man she called could see her, she took several deep breaths and hastily wiped her eyes and face._

"_Hello?"_

"_Naoki?"_

"_Kaoru…"_

"_Yeah."_

"_What's wrong kiddo? Your mother, is she--"_

"_No! She…no."_

"_Well, then. I've wanted to talk to you. But your father, does he know about-"_

"_Look, don't mention my parents. Can I just come over?"_

"_Of course. I've been worrying over you going through all this alone. I've been going through a lot myself. I think I need you right now too. "_

Kaoru needed to push it back. Kaoru needed to deal with it. Kaoru could do neither. Kaoru would hang in suspension.

'_I'll be all right. I'll be more than all right. I'm Kamiya Kaoru. The past is redeemed. My presence makes sense. My future is secure. God…I love you. Please help me.'_

Kaoru panted silently. Her mind was awash with a myriad of fresh emotions. They were dead and cold. Absolutely, positively dead. Everyone and everything had been taken from her, and nothing could change that.

Peace, love, hope, security she had found them all again only to let them drift away and morph into a strange mix of apathy, confusion, regret, and anger.

All that peace and all that soul splitting pain had come back to her during the night in a dream. Colors of sadness, colors of joy, colors of peace all came back to her in the night, and even now as she lay awake.

Why had the memory of Naoki and all those things come back? With her newest brash decision, was she falling yet again? Was taking Kenshin in just another foolish mistake? Or was this her resurrection? A chance to redeem herself?

Since those days of living hard, she had found a shifty balance she could stand on, and her hope though only a flicker at times had never truly died. _'I'm still here. Thank God. There are many who did not make it through their storm. It's hard, but I will make it through mine.'_

Yes. This wasn't a mistake. This would be her resurrection. _She_ would save Kenshin. She would find a place to stand.

"Kaoru?"

Now, with the ever so soft utterance of her name, colors of want, of need, of understanding, of hope surged to the surface of her heart.

"Kaoru?" Kenshin uttered her name kindly. He sat up on his elbow to look down at her. Kaoru shifted her gaze to his. Worried violet eyes stared down at her, his fine red hair tickling her chest. Kaoru narrowed her eyes as she watched him. She was glad for her pneumatic mood. Had she not been so high, she would have been a little out of sorts to behold the site above her. What was he doing in bed with her anyway? He looked like…she didn't know what he looked like. Piercing violet eyes starting down at her in concern, the borrowed yukata gaping open in just the right places. _'God he's sexy.'_ His body was pressed so close to hers on the narrow couch. Kaoru let her mouth drop ever so slightly as she felt a wave of nervous excitement flow through her body.

'_It's been awhile... Right Kaoru. This is exactly what you needed,'_ Kaoru thought, frowning at her heated thoughts.

Kenshin peered down at her, seemingly innocent worry in his eyes

'_You look so concerned. You're not like other men are you? I knew you weren't like other men,' _Kaoru thought as she gazed at his handsome face.

With his face so close to hers, she could see the striking nature of his enigmatic cross scar. The skin was very dark, and hard, forming a millimeter deep crevice in his cheek. Just around the edges of each line, the skin was unusually soft, almost like new, and pulled ever so tight. His scar was evidence of wild, unusual days.

He was opening his mouth to speak again, but Kaoru silenced him, raising slender fingers to his lips. He would ask if she was okay, and she would not be able to explain. Her own hard days, the foolish days, were far too complicated to explain right now. He did not need to hear of those things now. Maybe he would ask something else, but she didn't want to talk about herself today. He didn't need to hear her voice. Today, it was all about him. Kaoru would not add weight to the heavy burdens of his soul with her little issues. Now she really understood his earlier hesitation in getting involved with her. They were both so proud, balancing too many issues from the past. _'But…'_

"Those days are so far away now," Kaoru said quietly, allowing her fingers to linger on his lips as she gazed at him. "For both of us."

He turned his head slightly, confused. He opened his mouth to speak again, but she stopped him. "Let's let the past stay buried," Kaoru murmured as she allowed her hand to caress his face. He leaned his face into her caress, staring at her through narrowed violet slits. Casually, he turned and captured one of her wandering fingers with his lips, his narrowed gaze penetrating her with its intensity.

'_What is he thinking?'_ Kaoru asked herself as she watched his mysterious expression. She probably would never be able to understand where he was coming from or where he was going. Kaoru could see he was a man of many ways, a rolling stone that she could easily break herself against. This was a chance she was willing to take. He needed someone to take that chance and reach out to him. He needed _her_ to take that chance. The evidence was written on his face.

Though despite his actions, she could sense hesitation, yearning and most of all fear within him.

'_You want to be touched. You need to be touched. But you're still afraid aren't you? You're afraid I'll touch you where it matters…'_ Kaoru thought as she pressed her fingers to his parted lips. Slowly, she trailed her fingers from his lips to the back of his neck, gently pulling him towards her.

Kaoru's eyes fluttered open to lock with his as he paused, less than a millimeter from her face, his breath mingling with hers.

His heart was spinning in circles, his body quickening. He wanted so badly to share himself with her like this, to make her understand everything that he had been through. He wanted to take her and pour into her all of his frustration and loneliness. In his mind she was a refuge. He saw her as soft and exquisite, untouched, and pure.

Kaoru shifted beneath him, brushing her lips gently against his as she moved her hands to stay his trembling shoulders. At the feel of her lips against his, Kenshin moved to kiss her fully. He sank into the kiss, losing himself in the warmth of her mouth, and the caress of her tongue.

Pulling back slightly Kenshin mentally willed himself to withdraw, even as he shifted his position to be closer to her. She was wrapping both her arms around his neck, pulling him closer.

He obliged, deepening the kiss as he settled himself against her, basking in the comfort that came with the feel of her body, pressed so intimately against his.

The feel of him…

Kaoru knew that feel all too well. She had done it again. She had gotten caught in the moment, temporary wonder of him determining her actions and her touch. He was still too vulnerable, and so new to the world; the feel of any woman would probably be equivalent to a powerful spell. Kaoru didn't want to be just any woman, nor did she want to take advantage of his vulnerability. _'I'm sorry. Kenshin.'_

Yet his kiss was gaining intensity. The hesitation he displayed earlier was rapidly being replaced by aggressive passion. Kaoru gasped as she felt a rough hand slipping under her shirt. _'Should I stop him? I can't. What should I do?'_

Desire continued to heat her body, coupled with fear. Kaoru moaned as she felt his hand brush against her breast. _ 'I should stop him. But I started this. He'll think I'm a tease. Would he hate me for it? I don't want to. I can't stop. I need this.'_ Kaoru's heart was pounding rapidly against her chest; a thousand voices in her soul screaming a thousand things. Yes and no, maybe and wait, now or never, what ifs and fears.

Kenshin roughly pulled his lips from hers, taking her neck instead. The distant cry of rationality had long been buried in the sweetness of her curves. Restraint died with the taste of her skin. Cupping her breast in his hand, he squeezed. He felt his need for her growing, as she desperately clutched his back.

Distantly she registered the murmur of her name, as Kenshin bit her neck, none too gently.

'_Is it too soon yet? I can't stop now. We both need this.' _Kaoru trailed one hand between them to explore inside his robe. He wore nothing underneath. Kaoru was filled with excitement at the feel of his bare skin, the hardness of his body…and fear at what would now inevitably take place. She gasped at the sudden onslaught of powerful emotions coupled with sensual desire. She barely registered a polite knock, before the distant jingle of a key in the lock, a creaking of the old front door…

Kaoru's hands tightened on Kenshin's back. He heard it too. Quickly, Kenshin steeled himself ignoring the pleasure surging through his body and turned his head. The door flew open and in-stepped an older looking man with two little girls, one in his arms, the other holding his hand. The man did not look happy.

**Thanks for reading. Reviews are welcome.**


	9. The Stuff in Our Blood

**Black Shadow, Piercing Light**

**Chapter Nine**

**The Stuff in Our Blood**

'_Nobu, you are my closest friend. We grew up together. You looked out for me when I was younger and delivered my only child. I hope we can see many more years together. But God forbid, I fear that something… unexpected might happen. Should anything happen to me, I know I can count on you to look after her. She is headstrong, so I know she will always follow wherever her spirit leads. She's a good girl, I just fear if I am not here she will get into too much trouble. Promise me you will do this Nobu.'_

Gensai Nobuhiro leaned against the railing of the veranda of the Kamiya home, his two little granddaughters running in circles around his legs and throughout the yard. An early morning spring breeze blew, carrying the fragrant smell of blossoming flowers and the soft caress of a few homeless petals against his face. He looked across the expansive grounds. The grass was a little overgrown, the lovely stone garden sprinkled with weeds and new spring flowers. The water in the decorative pond bore a bluish green color, evidence that it had not been changed.

"Grandpaaaa!"

Hanging his head in shame, he inwardly repented for not helping Kaoru keep things up, among other things. Lately, she was shying away from those who would help her. Of course all young ladies her age would want their independence, but most girls Kaoru's age had something to fall back on. Many things had gone wrong in her life and her support network was rather small.

"Grandpaaa?" Suzume whined as she pulled the sleeve of her grandfather's shirt impatiently. "We're going to play in the yard! Bye!"

What could he do now? Kaoru had made a habit of rejecting any obvious attempts he or Tae made to guide her. Kaoru always found a way to "follow her spirit" as her father would put it, regardless of the consequences. Perhaps she would listen this time, allow him to guide her away from actions that she might regret. Maybe even keep her safe from animalistic young men who only wanted to get into her pants. It was the least he could do for his old friend, who sacrificed so much so his only daughter could be happy and safe...and chaste. He loved Kaoru as his own and he did not want to see her hurt again.

He remembered the days when it was Kaoru running circles around his feet. Even more so, she ran around the feet of her own father. Her large blue eyes twinkling in admiration as she gazed up at her father lovingly. He had seen that look in the eyes of his own daughter…now forever gone from his embrace.

His reverie was interrupted by quiet, deliberate footsteps approaching behind him and an ever-soft utterance…

"I apologize."

At the simple utterance Gensai turned to face a pair of unwavering purple eyes, as old as his own.

The young man standing before him held his gaze for only a moment, before dropping his eyes to stare at his wrists. He turned them over, and back again, repeatedly. Gensai wondered for a moment at the strange gesture as he looked at the young redheaded rebel punk standing before him. At least he had enough decency to put on some clothes, even if they were old rags.

The boy was looking down, perhaps at his exposed wrists. Gensai could not tell. The boy's strange hair covered equally strange eyes that looked too old for his face and too honest for such a violent scar.

"I…"

Gensai was ready to berate the young man for all kinds of reasons. Did he know how old Kaoru-chan was? Did he know she didn't have any parents and practically lived alone? Tae had told him, Kaoru-chan had been skipping school and sleeping in class. Maybe this boy was the reason. But still, Gensai listened intently for the words that this young man would utter. Not that he was giving this boy and ounce of his trust; but the raw honesty in his eyes earned him the right to state at least a word or two in his defense. Besides, it would do no good to fight with the young man. Considering the fact that he had no real authority in Kaoru's life, it would be best to respect him for the time being, at least until he had gathered a little more information about him and his relationship to Kaoru. Then perhaps he could give her some proper advice on how to handle herself in these situations and how to avoid the wrong types of men. To ensure that she was doing things safely, if not virtuously was the least he could do.

Dropping his wrists, the redhead joined him by the railing, keeping his head low.

"I apologize sir. I must look very bad right now, but I want you to know I think she is genuine," he murmured. Raising his head to gaze at the two little girls playing in the yard, he continued: "…more pure than I could ever hope to be and I..."

'_Don't believe a word I say. I'm just as bad as I look, worse even. But it's true, to me Kaoru is angelic.'_

The boy's gaze suddenly dropped to his hands as he grasped the railing, the apparent nervousness of the gesture was lost in the tempered frustration in his tone.

"I don't want to ruin that, but I…I'm not playing with her."

Though he struggled with his words, he spoke with a strange intensity laced with brutal honesty and some other emotion that Gensai could not name.

"She makes me think I could be clean again." His voice shook.

"I don't want to right now, but I _need_ to be a part of her."

Staring at the young man, Gensai was surprised to say the least at his passionate admission. The times in his life when other men revealed such emotions to him were few and far between, especially concerning matters of love. However, that confusion soon turned to compassion as he observed the frustrated young man before him. The man was trying to earn his respect with honesty.

Gensai was not a stranger to the power of desire. When he was young he lived it first hand. He too, had often been tossed to and fro by the waves of passion. He understood the comfort that could be found in the arms of a woman.

He appreciated the young man's honesty, and Kaoru was young, to a certain extent her behavior was to be expected. Gensai would have felt better if he'd caught her with a boy her own age. But this man...there was something _off_ about him. For one, he _looked_ like trouble. Despite the fact that his hair _red_ and too long for any self-respecting man, aside from the fact that he had an X branded on his face, the boy was littered with scars. Maybe even the scars would not have been so bad, if Gensai's trained eye had not identified some of them as bullet wounds. What kind of a man had bullet wounds? Secondly, he was sleeping with Kaoru-chan -- the daughter of his late best friend -- that automatically qualified him as trouble. Thirdly, unlike most men would do if they were caught in the act, he made no attempt to hide his desire. He apology was honest, but a little too bold. His tone though sorrowful, was too strong to indicate submission of any kind. The man before him was merely explaining his actions; he was not backing away from them.

A small part of Gensai sympathized with this young man who had obviously experienced some hardships in life. If his words were try he was probably seeking some respite in Kaoru-chan. But Gensai was old and could objectively, if not sorrowfully observe the consequences of holding a woman's body when one was not strong enough to embrace her soul and any resulting consequences. If this man was indeed seeking respite, then he was probably the dangerous type. The hurting type. Gensai gave the man another once over. His serious expression had not changed, and Gensai noted that if the man wasn't truly involved with Kaoru-chan he'd have probably left by now in embarrassment. He did not want to see Kaoru-chan could tangled up with a guy like this. He wondered if she knew how intense this man's feelings were for her. Did she return those feelings?

Sighing with resolution, Gensai held his hands behind his back and titled his head towards the sky. He wouldn't fight It would be best to wait and observe, see if the boy stays around. He would talk to Kaoru later and make sure she knew what she was getting into.

After a moment of studying the young man's conflicted expressions, Gensai turned to face the spring green once more.

"When Kaoru was small she loved the springtime more than any other season. She looked forward to finding birds' nests and new budding flowers. I know this because she always cautioned the students at this dojo to watch that they didn't step on a budding flower when they were outside."

"_Mou! You can't just walk where you want Gensai-sensei! You have to look for new flowers, you can't always see them!"_

"_But this isn't a garden Kaoru-chan, its just grass!" Gensai replied._

"_That's right Kaoru, don't pester adults," Kaoru's father replied as he took a sip of cool water._

"_Maa, maa. You men should listen to my little Kaoru-chan," said the melodiously feminine voice of Kamiya Hanako. _

"_The world is a garden. Flowers are everywhere"_

Gensai blinked snapping out of a memory of days long past.

"On days like this she would run among the trees, playing until she was too tired to stand. Most times there were no injuries from the dojo students, and I would come to spend time with her Father. He was a child-hood friend. On a good day, if Hanako was feeling well she would come outside and comb Kaoru's hair."

"Hanako-san?"

"Kaoru-chan's mother. It made Hanako happy to tie Kaoru's hair with a ribbon. I think it was her way of reminding Kaoru that she wasn't a boy. When Kaoru was little she hated those ribbons. She would rip them out as soon as her mother turned her back. Hanako insisted that Kaoru wear a ribbon even as she got older, but Kaoru would complain that it made her look childish."

For a few long moments the two men stood gazing out into nowhere. Gensai lost in memories that should not have been so poignant, wondering what Kaoru's parents would want. Kenshin stood still, trying to understand why Gensai told him that story.

"Sister Kaoru!"

At Ayame's excited call the two men turned to behold the object of their muddled thoughts. She was standing in the doorway, hands placed on either side of the door pane. Her face was slightly flushed and lucent, as if she had just washed it. Her midnight black tresses were pulled into a high ponytail, held up by a flowing navy blue ribbon. Luminous black strands mixed with deep blue ribbon trailed over her creamy shoulders and down her slender back. She had pulled on a snug-fitting tank-sleeved top and a pair of dark low rise jeans, a small jacket was slung over her arm. Uncertain navy blue eyes met Gensai's. He smiled gently to reassure her. Nodding his head slightly to show that all was fine.

Kenshin couldn't take his eyes off her. From the beginning, she'd pursued him relentlessly without explanation. She practically came out of nowhere and strangely, persistently bore into his unusual life, even as he resisted. Now she was coursing through him, in his veins. He felt that he was in her hands. If this is what she wanted all along she now had her way.

Kaoru knew Kenshin was trying to make eye contact. But if his eyes were anything like they had been when he turned to face her, then she didn't know if she could return his stare. Skillfully avoiding his gaze Kaoru stepped in between the two, joining them on the rail.

"Good morning Suzume-chan! Good morning Ayame-chan!" Kaoru called energetically as she waved to the two little girls. Keeping her eyes fixed on Ayame and Suzume Kaoru spoke in a hushed tone, "Kenshin, you should go get dressed. I left you a pair of my big jogging pants and a T-shirt in the bathroom."

Kaoru could feel both Gensai's gentle smile and Kenshin's crazy stare boring into her. She would turn and face neither of them. What did they want from her? A smile? Kaoru shifted her weight nervously. After an awkward moment Kenshin walked silently into the house.

Taking a deep breath Kaoru exhaled and prepared herself for the scolding to come.

After a few moments of awkward silence Kaoru spoke up.

"Whatever you have to say, just say it."

"Kaoru-chan, I'm not your father."

'_Though sometimes I wish I could be.'_

"Even if I were, you've grown up. You are no longer a child."

Kaoru couldn't believe her ears. _'Is he really going to let this pass?'_

"I just want the best for you," he said sternly

Kaoru sighed heavily and rolled her eyes. _'Looks like I spoke to soon.'_

Gensai flinched. Kaoru looked very annoyed.

"Kaoru I haven't even said anything-"

"You don't have to say anything! I know what you're thinking and it's _not_ what you think."

"Is that so? Then please enlighten me. What am I thinking?"

"You're thinking, that guy's probably in a gang. Kaoru's too young to be having sex. Your parents would disapprove. Don't try to tell me about myself Gensai-sensei! I know what I'm doing. Kenshin is a good person."

Gensai bowed his head. This could be difficult. Kaoru was already on the defensive. Best not to fight with her.

"Alright Kaoru. That's not exactly what I was thinking. But, if you need to get back on birth control I can give it to you. I give Megumi free BC, so I can give it to you too."

Kaoru bowed her head to hide her blush. _'BC? Is he trying to be cool or something?'_

"Mou! Gensai-sensei! I don't need BC.And even if I did it's none of your business!" Kaoru replied instantly regretting her words.

"Kaoru-chan, "Gensai began softly. "I only want to help. There's nothing to fight about here. I know I'm old, and you think I don't understand. Of course, I don't. I admit that. But I'm your doctor and the closest thing to a guardian you have. I want you to talk to me. But if you won't talk, then at least let me give you a prescription. At least be safe about this."

"Look, there's a reason I got off and I'm not jumping to get back on!"

Kaoru furrowed her brows and leaned against the rail. "You should know that," she murmured under her breath.

"Alright, I understand. I'm sorry if I under-estimated the strength of your conviction."

He turned to watch his granddaughters play. "So, are you coming with me today?"

"Yeah," Kaoru answered quietly. "You don't think it's hypocritical?" Kaoru looked at Gensai, her expression laced with worry. Gensai smiled.

'_She is truly genuine.'_

"Like I said, I don't doubt the strength of your conviction."

Kaoru smiled.

"You guys can grab something to eat and wait in the car. I'll tell Kenshin I'm leaving!" With that Kaoru bounced into the house and up the steps.

Gensai smiled. She never ceased to amaze him.

Kenshin exhaled deeply as the steaming hot water poured over his face, through his hair, down his back, all over his body. He had been in the shower for quite a while. He loved this shower; he loved this bathroom. Kenshin loved this entire house and everything in it. No need to watch his back, or shower facing the door. No need to be on guard, no bathing time limit. He could stay in here forever if he wanted to. Kenshin grinned. When he stepped outside, there would be no guards and bastard prisoners waiting to start something. There was no reason to be angry or afraid. Kaoru would be waiting on the outside. Turning off the water, Kenshin leaned against the wall of the shower.

"Kaoru." Kenshin let the name roll slowly off his lips.

Kenshin let himself slide down the wall.

'_Kaoru…I took things too fast. Where do we go from here?'_

Silently Kenshin cursed, his euphoric mood from being able to use a clean shower in privacy slipping away.

Why had he allowed things to go so far? Would she hate him for it? Kaoru had been more than willing; obviously she was caught in the moment as he was. But would she regret it?

'_I wasn't thinking. How can we possibly live together now without having sex? But what if we do? Is that so bad? Can I handle this right now?'_

Kenshin hung his head between his legs. There was no doubt that he wanted to be with Kaoru. He was a fool to not realize that his affection for her had only grown with each brief meeting. He had not planned on the events that came with the morning, they just happened. Now they would both have to deal with it. Kenshin had to deal with her. He had to deal with life.

Kenshin had no concrete ideas for what to do with his life. He had no specific plans for tomorrow, no scripted vision to carry out. There was only one amorphous desire: atonement. So many people had given their life as a seed for his survival. They died so that he could live, sincere requests on their lips and in their hearts. He had promised so many long dead that he would live to protect. That desire to protect had somehow morphed into the desire to destroy. Now Kenshin had a chance to set things right. Maybe somehow he could find a way to truly, honorably keep all of those unfulfilled promises.

"What I need in this life…"

Shinomori Aoshi walked down the streets of Shibuya. The morning crowd was out, rushing here and there. In a street full of people, Aoshi stood alone. Leaning against the cold, pale stone of an equally cold monolithic building, he focused on the one vivid image in his mind. Aside from that lithe, tan body and mischievous green eyes, there were many things in his mind. Those things were interlocking and overlapping, a matrix of strange philosophies, manifestos, psycho cops, and a rose tattoo. There she was again, at the center. But now there were other things.

"Murder."

'…_And business.' _

"The business of murder would be a better way of putting it."

'_Jade green eyes.' _

"Compassion."

'_And the general-happiness principle. Justice, society.'_

"Or better phrased as: The compassionate business of murder to maintain justice and promote the general happiness of society."

But what was the purpose of it all? Aoshi was talking to himself again.

"_To dispense of wrong in the swiftest way possible. Prison is an animal house, a mere breeding ground for future problem-makers."_

Aoshi narrowed his eyes at the remembered words of his nemesis, now effective master. He would become a paid player, with legal right to dispense his own form of justice. A problem-solver of sorts. Whatever the reasons of the other, Aoshi had only one. One reason he endured and agreed to the plans of the maniac cop. It was all for her safety…for her life, for her pride. At the center of his heart, flowing through his blood was the image of a girl who loved without stopping.

'_My sacrifice is for you alone my Misao.'_

When Misao woke up that horrible night that Aoshi disappeared, she could not sense anything wrong. True, Aoshi was gone from her side, but that was not unusual. Often she would find him standing out on the balcony, especially in the night. If he awoke in the darkness of night or earlier morning after making love with her, it was his custom to stand out on the balcony. Often she would join him in silence, letting the wind blow their hair and chill their skin. He would say something profound and strange. She would answer with something mischievous and witty.

Expecting an easy late-night session of juxtaposing jokes with philosophy, Misao took a toke for good feelings and drifted onto the balcony, a blanket draped over her shoulders. With only the dark night sky to greet her, it was then that she knew something was up. She was standing alone on the balcony. This could be a random occurrence, perhaps he had some urgent business. Misao grabbed her cell phone and dialed him just to be sure. A computerized voice, politely informed her that the number she dialed had been disconnected.

And thus the madness began.

Misao had not realized how off she was until after Aoshi had left. She loved him to the point of death and had sworn herself to him as his follower and lover. Nothing else mattered.

She spent an eternity waiting for him. She patiently waited and believed for an eternity of five days.

Now she stood before the men who had raised her, eyes blazing, mouth set. Waiting time was over, it was time for action.

"Tell me what's going on!" Misao demanded, her voice bordering delirium. Misao was a drama-queen in flippant matters. Serious situations often drove her emotions to an unprecedented level of excitement.

"Guys. Tell me," Misao demanded.

Silence.

"Beshimi? Hannya?" Her voice rang out in passionate desperation.

Silence

Misao lifted her chin, eyes blazing with barely controlled emotion.

'_You told them but you didn't tell me. Why didn't you tell me? Are you in trouble? Are you even alive? Why was your phone disconnected?'_

Misao hung her head. The floor was moving, her surroundings blurring, as she began to loose strength in her legs. She was sinking.

'_Don't you trust me? I told you I'd follow you. I see…'_

"Misao!"

'_I see. You didn't want me to follow you.'_

And then she was in the arms of Hannya. He had held her up by her shoulders, her knees knocked together between his, nearly touching the floor.

"Is he alive?" she whispered into the rough fabric of Hannya's shirt.

"At least tell me if he's alive!"

Hannya pressed her against himself quickly before pushing her back so he could see her face. A few tears slipped freely down her cheek. Beshimi was standing tentatively behind him. It frightened both of them to see her like this. At the age of sixteen, Mackimachi Misao had shed her first public tears.

Aoshi was truly her life. Aoshi was the nucleus of their small gang, but to Misao he was so much more. She had elevated him to the level of savior, lover and leader. Without Aoshi to lead them, they might be scattered, could they could move on? They could, but it was different for Misao. She had not known life away from Aoshi.

"He's alive. That's all I can say."

'_I hate you for this. But I love you too. I'll show you. There's no place you can go that I won't follow.'_

"No!" Misao suddenly screamed and violently pushed herself away from Hannya. Losing her balance, she fell backward onto the floor.

Misao sat silently on the floor for long moments, trembling.

'_I know you love me. You must be trapped somehow. You left because there was no other choice. But I won't leave you to fight alone. Just wait Aoshi. I'll find you.'_

Kaoru stopped at the top of the steps. Kenshin was up there somewhere. Was she ready to rush back into his face? What if he acted strangely? Kaoru nervously clasped her hands together.

'_Why did I let things go so far? Now everything will change. Kenshin please don't think I'm a slut. Maybe I can just ignore it and everything will be fine. Just keep moving Kamiya. He will treat me the same. Everything will be fine.'_

"Kenshin!" Kaoru sang.

"Kenshin? Are you still in the bath?"

Kenshin got out of the shower and stuck his head out the door.

"Oh!" Kaoru started as Kenshin suddenly stuck his head out of the bathroom, steam from his shower seeping out into the hallway. His hair was hanging in long dripping wet strands; the half hidden planes of his bare chest were glistening with water and sweat.

"Oh aha ha!" Kaoru laughed nervously and loudly. Kenshin looked at her quizzically.

"Ah! It's nothing! It's just, you're wet! You're always wet when I see you…um…" Kaoru trailed off, realizing she didn't make any sense.

"Oh. I'm sorry," Kenshin said with a gentle smile as he moved back inside and shut the door.

Kaoru stood in front of the door for a few seconds. _'Well is he coming back out? He does realize I'm waiting here. Doesn't he?'_

"Kenshin, I want to talk to you. Are you coming out?"

"Oro Right now? But Kaoru, I'm naked."

"Well put some on clothes first!"

"Sorry," came Kenshin's muffled reply._'_

Kaoru rolled her eyes with a smile. She was discovering Kenshin had a seriously dense side. She leaned against the wall facing the bathroom, her paranoid thoughts soon returning with full force. _'What am I going to say to him? Gensai sensei thinks I should get back on birth control. I don't like the meaning of that. I feel like that means I'm definitely going to sleep with Kenshin...or some other guy. I don't think I need that right now. But what does it mean if I do it? Is that why I asked Kenshin to stay? I'm such a freak. I need to talk to someone. Tae? She wouldn't understand. Do I regret what happened? Maybe Megumi? She might make fun of me. What does this mean? Oh Jesus! Just be cool! Everything will work itself out. No it won't. One must take action to ensure success. I need to decide what I want. I won't go with the flow. I have to make something happen! '_

"Yes Kaoru?" Kenshin stepped out into the hall. He had pulled his hair into a low ponytail and dressed in the jogging pants and t-shirt she provided.

"Make it happen!" Kaoru blurted loudly.

"Oro"

"Oh! Never mind. Kenshin, you just have to stop startling me! "

"I'm sorry Kaoru," Kenshin said, a shy smile on his face.

Kaoru returned his shy smile with one of her own. She rubbed her hands together as she unconsciously moved closer to him. _'Say something Kamiya. Set things straight! Make something happen!'_

Placing a timid hand on his chest, she looked up into his eyes. Kenshin took a deep breath.

'_Finally she looks at me. I love your eyes. There's so much I want to ask you, so much I need to say.'_

"We need to talk," she murmured, leaning into him.

"Yeah," Kenshin took her hand in his, pulling her closer.

For a moment they shared the same breath, each searching for an answer or cue in the eyes of the other. Kaoru opened her mouth to speak. Kenshin knew this because he was watching her soft pink lips form the words, but he couldn't actually hear past the feeling of her soft curves pressed against him. All he could hear was the wild beating of his heart, and the memory of a delicate moan that tumbled off her lips that morning. He pulled her closer.

"We should..." Kaoru began only to be hushed by the soft press of lips against her own.

'_We should talk first.' _

Kaoru pressed lightly against his chest, a pitiful effort to free herself from the comforting warmth of his mouth. She gave up as he continued to gently caress her tongue with his own. It was so easy, so natural to think of nothing else but the feel of his body, the strength of his hand pressing her firmly against his stiffening arousal.

Slowly, Kenshin pulled back, his lips a breath away from hers. His breath was warm and slightly ragged. Kaoru watched as he closed his eyes, almost languidly.

"Kaoru…" Kenshin breathed against her lips, his voice a husky whisper. Passion and admiration for this girl were building in his heart, prodding him to hold her tighter. With her in his arms, so clean and delicate, Kenshin felt quickened, alive. _Safe. _

"Safe…" he unconsciously uttered as he pressed his lips to the side of her throat. The pure amazement of holding her overwhelmed him and he couldn't acknowledge, _wouldn't_ acknowledge, the insistent, gentle press of Kaoru's hands against his chest as he clasped her tightly to his body, nuzzling her neck. Distantly aware, he registered the soft murmur of her voice.

"Kenshin, I-I have to go…let me go."

'_Go? She's leaving?'_

"_Kenshin_ let me go," Kaoru whispered as she pushed away from him. "Gensai sensei is waiting for me."

Reluctantly, Kenshin released her, his hands dropping to her hips.

"You're leaving?" Kenshin asked quietly, pulling her to himself once again, the threat of her absence awakening a strange, pulsing, distress within him.

"I'll be back soon. But…" Kaoru replied gently, trying once again to shift out of his arms.

Catching himself, Kenshin released her and swiftly backed away. '_What am I doing?_ _I'm not acting right. __Pull yourself together! Don't make her afraid.'_

The two stood awkwardly for a moment in the hallway. A horn blew outside.

Kaoru sought his eyes, not sure of what to say. He looked so…forlorn. But he kept his head down.

"Um… Megumi and Sanosuke are coming over around noon…they'll take you shopping, to Shibuya, if you want…" Kaoru said slowly.

Kenshin didn't respond. He just stood there silently watching her. Kaoru shifted uncomfortably, finally stepping forward to embrace him again. He took a hasty, nervous step back.

"Kenshin?"

After a few seconds Kenshin nodded slowly.

Kaoru let out a breath. For a moment, she was afraid that she'd lost him again. But he still looked uncomfortable, standing across from her, hanging his head.

"Hey there tiger…you okay?" Kaoru said as she reached to cup his face in her hands. Kenshin touched her wrists softly, finally looking up. But he looked past her, out the window, at her lips, the wall; he looked anywhere but in her eyes.

"Hey, tell me what's wrong," Kaoru said firmly. "I'll stay here. I don't have to leave."

"Sorry, I'm--"

"Hush. No apologies. Not today," Kaoru said as she placed a feather light kiss on his lips.

"But--"

"Shhh," Kaoru could see the worry filling his eyes and creasing his brow.

"But I--"

"We'll talk about this later." Stealing another kiss, she swiftly pulled away and started down the staircase. Suddenly the impatient voice of Dr. Gensai rang out, calling her.

"Hey," Kenshin called, catching her by the wrist.

"Just where are you going with him?"

"Church."

Kaoru giggled at the slight widening of his eyes.

"Don't worry, tiger." She reached forward and pinched his cheek. "We started a little volunteer program there. It's like a club of sorts for at-risk girls."

"At risk?"

"You look so confused. You know what I mean." With that she twisted out of his solid grip and started back down the stairs.

Kenshin watched Kaoru from the top of the steps as she left with the old man. A few minutes passed and he remained fixed in his position. Finally shaking out of his stupor, Kenshin started down the steps.

'_What the hell is wrong with me?'_

Kenshin sighed. He had to get control of himself. Perhaps he should meditate while he waited for Megumi and Sano. There were a million things he needed to sort out.

Walking outside, Kenshin sat down on the back porch, and took a deep breath, seeking to clear his mind. There were too many things boiling in his soul, rushing at him…fighting him. Each thought, consuming and powerful, each emotion warring for precedence.

The silence only seemed to compound his anxiety. The tranquility of Kaoru's quiet neighborhood multiplied his distress. He could hardly hear the wisp of the morning breeze in the trees, past the noise in his own mind.

'_Just breath you fool and calm down.'_

This silence was too much like the hole. The hole, also known as solitary confinement was his best friend and worst nightmare. He could still remember the grating voices of the guards, drifting to him through the bars of his personal abyss.

'_Put him back in the hole.'_

'_But he's already spent too much time in there, perhaps we should try some sort of therapy first.'_

'_Therapy? Who knows what that nut might do? He's a danger to the rest of the prisoners.'_

'_But he's so young.'_

'_So? Do you know how many he killed only the outside? He's already put some of our own guys in hospital. He's a fucking animal.'_

'_He was only trying to protect himself! Look at him. Those brutes would have eaten him alive! I'm sure it was an accident or self defense!"_

"_Accident! Protect himself! Are you crazy? That little punk was sending the message, "Don't fuck with me." Besides, I'd just as well have these ass-holes kill each other, but I'd have to file a report for each death, so throw his wasted ass in the hole. Anyway, let him do whatever he wants in there. I don't want him or his followers coming after me. "_

Strangely the memory of his time in solitary confinement seemed to quiet the noise. Sometimes he had preferred the silence of solitary to the violence of the life in the general prison population. Always looking over his shoulder, showering with his back to the wall, sleeping on edge, eating laced food, enduring the constant challengers, struggling to live quietly-without hurting anyone - this was life in the in the general population of prisoners. Yes, sometimes he would gladly trade that life for the lonely days of silence in solitary confinement. Of course, he confinement was special, the warden was right. He'd made an unfortunate point of sending an annual message of extreme violence, in an effort to remain alone and unaffiliated while in prison. Unfortunately, the only way to stay free and unattached in prison was to prove untouchable strength. His only punishment: solitary confinement. Thus, he was able to do as he pleased, locked away in his dark hole. He found comfort in his books, in writing, in dreaming…in pain.

Kenshin shook his head, willing the memories away. _'I'm free now. I don't have to be alone and I don't have to fight anymore.'_

Somehow, his thoughts of freedom only made things worse. Freedom meant ability, _power_. He could do anything he wanted to now. Anything. The last time he was free he made everything bleed. In prison he was safe. Only people who were really crazy got sent to his section, and since he was known as the craziest, they usually paid he respect and stayed away. He didn't need to fear hurting them. Who would care if he hurt himself? But out here, on the real world, anything could happen.

Gritting his teeth Kenshin punched the wall. He now had the chance to live a life he'd never had, a clean life, a happy life. And damn it! He would be happy!

"I can make new memories. I will make a new life. I'll be happy. I'll let the past stay buried," Kenshin said to himself. Pushing all his tangled feelings aside Kenshin thought about what he needed to do.

'_I'll need to find a job. I have to call my probation officer and give my whereabouts.'_ Temporarily satisfied that his mind was occupied Kenshin reclined back on the grass, basking in the warmth of the sun. Thoughts of a blue-eyed girl who smelled like flowers drifted through his mind as he buried the pain in his heart, ignoring the screaming in his head, he imagined that the past was gone and there was only tomorrow…

Kaoru walked around the gym observing the playful movements of her girls. It had been a long time since she volunteered at the program _she_ helped create. It had been months and she would not have come back if Gensai-sensei had not happened to come and get her. The older ladies of the church started trying to take over and Kaoru was just too tired to fight with them. Besides, she had been neglecting everything as of late and her program at the church was no exception.

But it felt good to be back. All of the girls had squealed in delight at seeing her and Kaoru had to wonder why she had actually left. She must have somehow forgotten how good it felt to be needed and know she could actually make a difference in someone's life.

"Sister Kaoru!"

Kaoru knew who it was before she even turned around. She could recognize the timid, call of her little Tsubame-chan anywhere.

"Hi Tsubame!" Kaoru moved to embrace the younger girl in a tight hug.

"Kaoru, I missed you."

"Oh I missed you too, dear. How have things been around here?"

Tsubame looked at her feet shamefully.

"Well…I haven't exactly been coming since you left. It's just a coincidence that I'm here today.'"

"Oh? Why not?"

"I guess it's…I guess…"

"Tsubame-chan, do you want to talk somewhere else?"

Tsubame nodded her vigorously. Just as the two began to walk away a tap on the shoulder interrupted them. Kaoru turned to face a tall man. Though her face looked young, the man had sliver hair and gleaming hazel eyes. He was somewhat handsome, his eyes were so breathtaking they were almost paralyzing. Maybe it was his strange wide-toothed smile, but something didn't seem right about him.

"Excuse me?"

"Yes?" Kaoru replied.

"Are you Kamiya Kaoru?"

"Yeah…"

"Good. My name is Udo Jine and I'm interested in volunteering as a mentor for this program. The ladies at the front desk told me you were in charge here."

"Oh really? I'm sorry but this program is for girls only, so we only take female volunteers. But there's probably a boy's program, ask the secretary."

The tall man laughed heartily. "Ah, well why didn't they say so? Thanks anyway."

The man turned to leave. Kaoru watched him suspiciously.

'_That guy seems weird. But maybe he goes to this church or something.'_

Kaoru shrugged and wrapped her arms around Tsubame's shoulders, leading her off for a talk.

**Thanks for reading. As always, reviews are greatly appreciated. I'd love to know what you think.**


	10. The Nervous Type

**BSPL**

**Chapter Ten**

**The Nervous Type**

"But you can't just _kill_ people. That's why we have police officers. If I just kill someone because _I_ think they're bad or something the world would be in total chaos."

"Well I agree. It would be total chaos if just _anyone_ had the authority to kill. But it wasn't normal people like you and me doing it."

"Of course not!"

"They had specially trained police officers doing it."

Misao strained her ear to listen to the conversation going on behind her. She was nearly comatose with boredom. The bullet train she was to take into Tokyo Metropolis had experienced an uncharacteristic delay due to minor track damage. Now she was completely stranded. She had to wait an entire hour in the station. She didn't have anything to do but eavesdrop and people watch. Misao stretched her slender legs, straight before her, and slouched down on the bench, chin to her chest. She would start blowing spit bubbles if things didn't get more interesting.

The three women behind her were discussing one of Misao's favorite topics: the Affliction. Misao loved discussing that time and talking about it with Aoshi. He had been blessed to be an active part of that violent step towards total revolution. Though Aoshi was young then, he was still able to participate. Misao was only two years old when the Affliction began; she was six years old when the last of the revolutionaries were imprisoned, killed or exiled. Yet she had been at the center of it all. Born to a man who was principal informer for the revolutionary side of the police department and government, Misao was an heir to the madness.

Misao sighed wistfully. Those would have been crazy times. Even though Misao thought her father was on the right side, history did not choose them as the winners. They'd lost. After achieving a marginal, fragile peace, the revolution failed and ended. They cleaned up the streets, but they were not allowed to implement many new and lasting policies. However, there were those that remained, revolutionary criminals who wouldn't let the dream die. Misao was one of them and so was Aoshi. She would find him again, and together they would _make_ change come.

'_Revolution…'_

Misao pondered the thought. She only had glimpses of her memories, flashes of certain events and scattered memories of her father, who was killed midway through the movement. Aoshi didn't like to talk about those days, thus she got very little information from him. He claimed that she didn't understand the cost of revolution, that she was trying to resurrect a dead and misguided dream. Misao knew better, she was _Oniwabanshu _for a reason. Information was her specialty. She knew that Aoshi was up to more than he let on, he was starting something. As the sole carrier of the Makimachi name, there were still those who pledged to her their loyalty and favor. She could bring them together again to usher in a world she an Aoshi could approve of.

Turning her thoughts to lighter matters, Misao continued to eavesdrop. She found that people watching was no fun if she had to do it alone. She always felt the need to cross the line between watcher and active participant. In many situations that was okay. Even if it were not okay, Misao would often break into the conversations of strangers without reservation. She needed to say something, comment on what she observed. If Aoshi were here they could engage in a debate about who was right and who was wrong. He would sit silently and listen to her dish on life and morality. Then he would calmly suggest a viewpoint that she hadn't considered, his ice blue eyes sparkling with cold, mischievous pleasure.

Breaking away from her reverie, Misao turned her attention to the three women once again.

The women seemed to be in their mid to late twenties. They were all dressed in greenish-blue hospital scrubs. Despite the fact that they all seemed to bear the same station in life, they each held a distinctive stance in the conversation, which Misao found interesting. People with the same lot often banded together these days.

The Affliction was something many people would not argue or even talk about. Having been quelled a decade ago, lay people had were still trying to shove it away as an unfortunate internal war waged between the government and criminals, over the bodies and wellbeing of average citizens. There was still a general sense of discontent in the air, as neither side truly reached their aims. Neither side had clearly been victorious. In fact, for the average man, the line between enemy and savior was very thin. Despite this ambiguity, these days people usually had a definite opinion in their deep in their minds. This opinion they usually kept buried inside, fear keeps quiet. In Misao's opinion, when people did venture to talk about it, they usually took one of three stances:

There was that of the liberal doubter, the person who asked too many questions, gave few answers, scoffed the government and sided with the so-called criminals:

"Trained police officers? That's not true. That's completely false. They used gangs and prisoners on death row to give their "heaven's justice". That's why I don't put any trust in the government. They operate so far above our heads. There's no way to really know what's going on. _They_ don't know what they're doing. Besides, they were all so corrupt they started killing each other. I don't even know how it started in the first place. Don't even get me started on these new I.D. implants, " the doubter said.

"You don't believe that conspiracy nonsense, do you?"

"It's not nonsense. The full story was never disclosed. All I know is that ten years ago my provincial governor turned up dead. He was a good guy, never did anything wrong by me. Next it was members of the city council. Then it was the deputy chief. Everyone started dropping like flies and I don't even know what they did wrong. If government kills government, if police kill police, and there's never a trail, how the hell am I supposed to know who to trust? And that I.D. stuff is total bull. If they think they can stick some I.D chip in me, they better think again."

Next there was the conservative loyalist. This was the person who blindly trusted in the government, supporting all their actions in the name of patriotism, both currently and during the Affliction:

"But it was the _police_ that did it," the loyalist woman argued. "They were taking swift and conclusive action to insure that people like you and me were safe. Personally, I wish they'd start getting rid of these depraved criminals again. Why should I have to be taxed in order to feed and house a worthless criminal serving a life sentence? We need to be rid of them _and_ these crazy politicians that get elected through deception, like that Yamada guy. Who voted for him? His money got him elected. We need to get rid of these liars. I'm not saying we need the fear and terror of the Affliction, but we need _something_. And about I.D. you already _have _a number. Giving you an ID chip and putting it in you just makes the system more efficient."

The doubter of course, would not let the conservative's statement go unchallenged.

"But what about Hiyasaki Asano? As the chief of police, he _was_ the police and they killed him. He wasn't in jail or prison, and I don't think he lied about anything. In fact, I think the murder of Chief Kamiya a few years back had something to do with it. I'm telling you these nuts in office right now want to bring back the Affliction. Chief Kamiya always opposed it. So they did him in. And I don't care if I already have a number, I don't want them putting any chips in my body! I don't want some computer scanning me wherever I go!"

Misao frowned at the mention of Chief Kamiya. Mention of his name brought back painful memories of her temporary life as a normal teenager. She had been a good friend with the man's daughter, Kamiya Kaoru. Misao folded her arms and let out a frustrated breath. She always felt guilty when she thought of Kaoru. Misao had yet to meet another girl besides Kaoru who shared her tenacity and ideas. Even at the age of fourteen both Misao and Kaoru were headstrong rebels. Misao smirked at the thought of their mischievous adventures and declarations. It was probably for the best that they'd been separated. They were on opposite sides of the law after all.

Misao frowned. Did Kaoru still believe in her father's ideas? Four years is enough to change a person's mind. Especially when someone ends up dead. Nevertheless, Misao would still find Kaoru. Misao deduced that Kaoru would have taken one of three paths in life. (Misao had a habit of fitting people into threes) Kaoru could have gone the spiritual route and decided to forgive her father's killers and embraced a philosophy of pacifism. She also could have chosen the path of carnality, declaring bloody vengeance on her father's murderers. There was also the path of reason to choose from with its many discourses. Many of which could lead to apathy or inaction. What kind of person had Kaoru grown into? What path did she choose?

In any case, Misao only wanted to reunite with her friend from those days of innocence so long forgotten. Those days of mischief and innocence were small memories compared to the things she was involved in now.

Smiling, Misao turned her mind back to eavesdropping, picking up a stray newspaper, and pretending to read. The third woman was finally making her move into the debate. While the other two women argued, the third lady had appeared disinterested, casually flipping through a thick hardcover book.

Almost forgotten in the heated conversation, the third lady shifted uncomfortably in her seat, her face pensive at the mention of Chief Kamiya. Misao dubbed her to be the analytical listener and all around pessimist of the group.

"Well, they said that Chief Hiyasaki was the most corrupt of them all. He was linked to international prostitution rackets and they say that Chief Kamiya had made a deal with _Yakuza_," the loyalist continued.

"That's not true. There was never any evidence to support those claims," the quiet lady interjected.

Glad to have someone on her side, the liberal woman piped up.

"Exactly! Well said, Megumi. You are ever gracious and wise. This woman is wise enough to know that we can only judge by the facts."

Turning to the loyalist woman, she continued: "On that note, how do you explain the Makimachi case? What was his crime? He was just some corporate mogul."

"See, that's what the liberals want you to think. He wasn't just some corporate mogul. He had to be involved in some way, or else he wouldn't have turned up dead," said the loyalist.

Misao's face went pale and her bottom lip twitched. She could feel a shout building at the base of her heart. It was all she could do to hold herself back from strangling both of the women, referring to her father as just some "corporate mogul". It was a long time coming, but Aoshi had taught her to hold back her fury when it was kindled.

'_However, these guys can pay me for my woes. They're probably med students, or they could be doctors. In any case, they probably have money.'_

The quiet one was the best groomed of the three. She had long black hair, her make-up was immaculate and she carried herself with a distinctly haughty air. Unfortunately, she hadn't said anything flippant or negative about her father or Kaoru's. The one who looked the wealthiest was the one Misao couldn't pick pocket, if she were to justify her actions as a small act of retribution.

"Whatever. I just don't believe it…people just started turning up dead. That's wrong. Uggh, I don't even want to think about it. I remember when Toro Nobuhiko of my favorite restaurant was killed. It was a good place," said the liberal.

"But they say he ran a fence and a drug operation, the restaurant was just a cover."

"But how do you know? Even if he was a criminal, that's what we have prisons and courts for! Suddenly, you don't even have to prove people are guilty anymore. You just _kill_ them. What is this, _Death Note?_"

"Well I don't think the police would kill people if they weren't guilty. I'm sure they had proof. Besides, our politicians were using hard earned, taxpayer's money to fund lavish vacations and homes. I'm tired of white-collar crime ruining my daily life. And I'm tired of gangs all over the streets. I'm too afraid to even go for a jog at night. You can't deny that the crime rate went down _exponentially_ during the Affliction. Murder, theft, rape and even white-collar crimes were at a record low."

"But at what cost? People were terrified. We were trapped by our own society. People were too scared to do _anything_. We call it the _Affliction_ for a reason. While us normal people were being protected by Hajime's Swift Law, the so-called criminals were fighting for their lives. Why do you think the program insurrected?"

"You're exaggerating nobody was _terrified_. Besides, normal people like you, myself and Megumi have nothing to fear from the law. Like you said, the Swift Law protected us."

"But we do have something to fear! Didn't you hear rumors about the "no witnesses" rule? And if they go through with the I.D. plan, just being in the wrong place could get you killed."

Misao grasped the newspaper she was holding between small dexterous fingers and slowly tore it down the middle, her eyes and angry green flame. She methodically folded the paper before tearing it again in halves. The woman was right. Things were getting out of hand, and fast. The government had a new plan, contrary to her will and it looked like all systems were go. The plan, simply called "I.D." by the common man was a new form of population control and monitoring. Every person would be forced to re-register his or her social security ID number, followed by the physical insertion of a memory chip containing, said number along with all pertinent information regarding the individual including bank accounts, family history, employement, and criminal convictions. Proximity monitors and check points would also be implanted anonymously and in various undisclosed locations, along with satellite tracking. The government would have the ability to track the movements and actions of any given individual at any given time. With monetary transactions and accounts linked to the chip, any purchase could be used to track an individual. Bad news for someone trying to stay under radar. The workings and development of ID technology began during the affliction as a means to trace witnesses. If the witness could be tracked, controlled, and threatened, they could easily be contained…and spared. It was pushed down then, the original leaders of the Affliction were concerened about personal securities, now with the old crew dead, buried or imprisoned, ID was rearing its ugly head again.

"Well I admit if the "no witness" rule were true it would be very scary and wrong. But I don't really believe they did that. Though if it were true, they should just eliminate that rule next time around. You don't throw the baby out with the bath water. The Affliction was for criminals. They _should_ be scared. That's what keeps violence down. Concerning I.D. if you're were you're supposed to be you have nothing to fear. Anyway, I guess something went wrong and things started getting a little out of control. But it was only temporary. I know they're going to reinstate the Swift Law. Personally, I can't wait."

The quiet lady called Megumi interjected again. "And who are _they_? Do you even understand how the Swift Law works? _Kill.Evil.Swiftly._ You both think you know so much. The truth is we _all_ suffer because of crime and corruption. But we should, because we're all corrupt. We all have some evil inside. How can anyone judge who lives and dies? I do wrong and so do you. What if I commit a crime? Aren't we allowed to make mistakes?" Megumi's lips were trembling and she spoke with a passion that shocked her two counterparts and electrified the eavesdropping Misao.

"Does that mean I have to die for it?" Megumi practically shouted. "Yes, the violent crime rate went down - at a very bloody cost. That peace we had was built on human _bodies_. And what about now? Do you want to know why crime is spiraling out of control again? I'll tell you why, the Affliction wrecked the economy, and people are getting desperate again. Poverty and crime go hand in hand. Like she said, the program insurrected. If they start it up again what will happen?" Megumi nearly screamed.

"Amen!" shouted the liberal.

"Would you two calm down? You'll draw attention," the loyalist hastily whispered.

"Don't say "amen" because I'm not on your side. I don't deserve to live…if I kill someone," Megumi added the last part as an afterthought. "But I don't want the elusive _they_ to decide. I should just kill myself. If _they_ kill me then we'll all be killers." Megumi was silent for a moment, as were her two friends. Then, as if she had just realized that she'd made a serious and embarrassing social blunder with her tone of voice, Megumi burst into peals of high-pitched laughter, covering her mouth with a primly manicured hand.

"Or we could study medicine and make a positive contribution to society," Megumi stated as she brought her laughing fit to a close.

"I'm not sure if I like those options," the liberal woman said with cautious humor, eyeing Megumi suspiciously. "Kill myself or study medicine."

"That's right. Become a doctor… or else. Save this insufferable race," Megumi muttered to herself as she buried her face in her book.

Misao tilted her head to the side sharply and squeezed her eyes shut, rubbing her chin. This conversation proved to be more interesting than most she came across concerning the Affliction and the ID program. Megumi had surpassed Misao's predictions for the response of the quiet analyzer. She'd have to make sure she sat behind this Megumi on the train.

"Kenshin, what the hell is this?" Sano said as he poked through Kenshin's clothing selection.

"Eh, what do you mean Sano?" Kenshin asked, a slightly bewildered look on his face.

"I said, what the _hell_ is this?"

"It's my clothes," Kenshin said slowly.

Sano looked at Kenshin as if he had suddenly sprouted bunny ears. Holding up his selections, Sano tried to reconsider Kenshin's choices. Among Kenshin's small bundle of clothes, he had chosen several items of the same disgusting quality. Sano picked up one particularly offending item, a hot pink t-shirt sporting a very large decal of Sailor Moon.

"What, you don't like them?" Kenshin asked somewhat distracted as he leafed through another box of dirt-cheap clearance items.

"You can't possibly be serious."

Kenshin stopped leafing through the box and turned to face Sano, a small smile on his face.

"I am."

"Hell no. I don't know shit about fashion, but you gotta be kidding me!"

Kenshin laughed a little at Sano's horrified expression. He knew his choices were bad, but he was not particularly concerned about shopping. In fact, Kenshin hated the idea. From the moment they set foot in the store Kenshin felt uneasy. He felt smothered, uncomfortable, and irritable. When Kaoru left him, he'd had an attack of nerves then settled himself to meditate for the following hours until Sano showed up. Kenshin cringed at the thought. He didn't like the idea of being escorted. There was something strange and slightly perverse about the fact that Sano was the one to escort him to the department store, having been escorted by him many times while in prison. Feeling stifled by the routine his life seemed to have already taken, Kenshin unconsciously scowled and clenched the pink fabric of the Sailor Moon shirt.

"Sano, all the clothes in this box are on sale. Ten for ten," Kenshin said as he leafed through a box full of fashion monstrosities.

"Look, you're bound to get some attention you might not want…wearing pink. What, with your long hair and all…"

"What? Are you afraid of what people might think?" Kenshin smirked, looking up at Sano, a golden gleam in his eyes.

Sano sputtered. "What? No! Actually, hell yes I am! Anyway. Whatever. Pick what you want."

"I will."

Kenshin continued leafing through the box, just as an eager young woman trying to get to the cheap clothes brushed against him. Kenshin stiffened, nearly imperceptibly and moved away. She brushed him again. He moved away. Before he knew it, she had pushed him completely away from the box. Kenshin stood there watching her, bewildered, before he was nudged once again by another female shopper, eager to get to the sale box. Kenshin watched the pale hands of the two women ruffle through the clothes. Like tiny spider legs, their skinny fingers crawled over the clothes, picking and throwing items here and there. Mesmerized by their fingers, Kenshin stared absently, the voices of other noisy shoppers drifting around him. A nudge on his shoulder made him aware that Sano was by his side, asking him things, questioning him. Turning his head to face Sano, Kenshin could see a slightly bewildered expression on the man's face.

"Hey, what's your problem Kenshin?"

But Kenshin wasn't listening. He couldn't seem to isolate Sano's voice above the others. The store was getting increasingly noisy. Why was everyone so loud? Kenshin looked around, trying to find a source for all the commotion. He only saw people, tons of people. Mostly, women, their dark heads bobbing towards the clothing items. Their small, high-pitched voices rising and falling in a miasma of annoying sounds. Kenshin looked to the ground. The sounds and crawling fingers pressed down on him. So many feet. So many hands. So many people…pushing, walking, fighting and talking. And then he was moving, but he was standing in place. Colorful female voices washing over him, screaming and sighing. He was moving again, there were hands on his shoulders, but he was still. Someone was shaking him. Sano.

Kenshin blinked. Sano had him by the shoulders, pulling him off somewhere. _'Don't fucking touch me.' _Kenshin shrugged violently away from him, practically snarling at his confused friend.

"Kenshin, what the hell?"

Kenshin straightened out his clothes, and brushed his shoulders. What had just happened_? 'I lost myself…where am I? I'm shopping. Outside. Did I do something?'_

Sano was looking at him strangely, his eyes narrowed, mouth slightly dropped. He was wearing that serious, but confused look he often gave Kenshin.

"You can close your mouth Sano," Kenshin growled low in his throat as gathered up his cheap clothing items.

"What?" Kenshin snarled as Sano continued to stare.

Sano shook his head, his dark brows knitting together. "Nothing man."

"I have to pay for this," Kenshin bit out as he headed to the register.

"Right."

Sano scratched his head, and followed Kenshin, hanging back a considerable distance. No need to walk the man to the register. Sano could tell Kenshin was about to explode, for all the obvious reasons ex-cons usually do. The man was panicking. Sano scowled. He shouldn't have listened to the women. Better to let Kenshin feel himself and the rest of the world out before they moved in on him. Sano watched as his crazy friend joined the line, careful not to touch anyone. The man definitely needed to move around a bit. That could prove difficult with two concerned women trying to insure his comfort and happiness.

'_We'll get wasted tonight Kenshin. You better be down for that. Knowing you, you'll probably snap by tomorrow. But at least we can have some fun tonight first.' _

Sano smirked, enjoying the thought of drinking with his friends. He wondered if Kenshin would be eager to party, or if he'd pull a disappearing act. Megumi would definitely drink. That would be nice. A drunk Kaoru would be a lot of fun too. Sano wondered about Kaoru. He liked the girl. Did she drink? She was probably underage, being a high school girl. Didn't matter. He had no problem corrupting the youth. Besides, Kaoru was asking for it, having hooked up with Kenshin. If Sano could help it, _everybody_ would get completely wasted tonight. Especially Kenshin. Did Kaoru have any ID? Sano shrugged. He had connections. He could get a toddler past the bouncers of the clubs they were gonna hit.

Misao glanced around, taking a deep breath. She didn't remember this neighborhood well. It had been quite sometime since she'd visited Tokyo. It had been years since she'd seen Kaoru. She was here for Aoshi and there were a lot of leads to follow. But first she wanted to find Kaoru. When Misao left Kaoru, the girl had been on a purity streak, while Misao was willfully heading down a path of destruction. Was Kaoru still a misfit goodie-goodie? Misao and Kaoru had both been rebellious, only in different ways. Misao was hell-bent on tearing down the powers that be just for the sake of it. Kaoru was all about justice and righteousness. Of course, it made perfect sense. Misao had been raised by criminals, it was only fitting that she would eventually become one. A police officer and a homemaker had raised Kaoru. Of course she had a bloated sense of justice. In any case, Kaoru was wild about "doing right" even to the point of "doing wrong". Thus, they often found themselves together in detention.

If she remembered correctly, Kaoru's home was quite far from the station, so she could have a long walk ahead of her. Curiously enough, the conscientious objector Megumi had been walking in front of her since they left the station.

'_Seems like she knows where she's going. Maybe I can ask her.'_

"Excuse me miss," Misao called out with her most polite voice. The longhaired objector turned.

"I'm sorry, but I'm looking for the Kamiya Dojo, can you help me out?" The woman gave Misao an appraising once over, critical cinnamon brown eyes searching her person.

'_Wow. Do I look that suspicious? What's the big deal? I've found a sharp one,' _Misao thought. She closed her eyes and smiled her sweetest smile.

"Sorry. I can't help you." The woman answered coldly before turning briskly.

'_Ouch. Interesting. She took to long to answer me. Does she think I'm following her? Actually I wasn't, but now I'll have to. She obviously knows where the Kamiya Dojo is, and is hiding it for some reason. There'd be no other reason to analyze me and answer so coldly. This "Megumi" could simply be a huge bitch, but I don't think so. Kaoru what's going on with you? Does this have anything to do with your father? _

Misao stopped to ask another passerby for directions, keeping one suspicious eye on Megumi.

Megumi turned down a narrow street, hugging the curb and digging for her cell phone.

'_Pick up the phone Kaoru. Why am I always so paranoid? That girl was probably harmless, some nut from tracks. But I think she was following me. She could have been one of Kaoru's high school friends. Yeah right. Kaoru doesn't really have any friends. Besides, there is no way that girl is in high school with all those piercings and blonde hair. Plus she was way too polite for her kind. No way some track punk chic is hanging out in this neighborhood for the fun of it.'_

"Hi. Kamiya speaking."

"Hey you."

"Hey, Megumi! What's up?"

"Are you expecting anyone?"

"No. Why?"

"Do you have any friends that would drop in unannounced? Actually, are you advertising for the school? Do you know anyone with blonde hair?"

"Whoa. Whoa. Slow down. What?"

Megumi rolled her eyes. "I'm going home and some strange girl asked me where the Kamiya dojo is."

"So?"

"I don't know. She looked suspicious. Why would anyone be looking for the Kamiya dojo?"

Kaoru swallowed loudly. That hurt. As usual, Megumi had pricked one of Kaoru's wounds without a second thought.

"Why _wouldn't_ they?" Kaoru snapped back.

"Look you idiot, I'm just trying to watch out for you. I'm not thinking about your stupid school. Don't forget who you _are_. Anyway, I told her I didn't know. But if she's up to something I guess she'll find it anyway."

"Well _thank you _Megumi, but we're pretty easy to find. I haven't exactly been hiding. Maybe it's an old student or something."

As much as Megumi hated to admit it, the little raccoon was probably right. Megumi pressed her lips together and blushed in embarrassment. She looked around quickly, as if someone were watching her before bidding Kaoru a hasty goodbye, stuffing her cell in her purse.

Megumi knew she had a tendency to be unnecessarily suspicious. However, she found no fault with herself for being this way. Unmerited suspicion was a necessary tool for her survival. It had gotten her out of more than a few jams. For a person with her history and connections it was a very necessary and integral part of her personality. Kaoru ought to be the same way. She was just too trusting. Kaoru probably had even more reason than Megumi to sleep with one eye open.

'_Didn't your father teach you anything?' _Megumi thought as she walked briskly down the road, trying earnestly to reach the dojo before the little blonde punk did. There was no real reason to rush. The girl would eventually find the place and if she were up to no good, there was little Megumi could do to stop her.

'_Well at least I can watch and listen.'_

Megumi couldn't fight to save her life. However, she was sly and intelligent. These were her most treasured features of defense.

'_All right. I'll be there in one minute.'_

Megumi gave her self a small slap. She was unfortunately, quite fond of the little raccoon and wanted to be there if something were to happen. Even if the blonde girl had completely innocent intentions, it was still a rare thing as of late for Kaoru to get a visitor besides Sano. Plus with Kenshin crashing at Kaoru's one couldn't be too careful. She wanted to know what this girl was all about.

Megumi rounded the corner to Kaoru's house and stopped in her tracks. Kaoru was standing in front hugging the blonde girl tightly. They were both squealing and bouncing with happiness. She could feel her cheeks burning.

'_So I was wrong. Kaoru does have other friends. I guess it makes since that she'd have a few hiding away somewhere.'_

Megumi made deliberate noise with her approach and soon the two girls turned to face her, a look of mischievous triumph in the blonde girl's eyes.

"Megumi! You've got to meet my long lost friend, Misao!"

"Nice to meet you." Megumi bowed her head in recognition without stopping her trek towards the house.

"So you did know. What? You don't trust me?" Misao asked, laughter and triumph in her voice.

Megumi snorted and brushed past Kaoru into the house.

Megumi noted the confusion and embarrassed blush that formed on Kaoru's cheeks, as she brushed past.

'_Oh well. I don't care. If stuff like this hurts your feelings or embarrasses you then you need to get tough. Especially if you're living with Kenshin.'_

The ride on the subway car was anything but comfortable for Kenshin. He had never actually enjoyed riding the subway, but in this moment it felt particularly more unpleasant than before. Things had changed since he'd last ridden the trains 10 years ago. For one, dyed hair had become all the rage, so his mere appearance no longer seemed to command the curious distance it once had. There were an incredible amount of young people with red hair and strangely colored contact lenses. He was no longer a peculiar purple-eyed anomaly to the casual viewer. Kenshin was still getting his fair share of stares. His hair, unlike most was red from root to end, however this was not enough for people to keep their distance. Maybe his aura was not as dark and frightening as it once was. Was that a good thing? The evening train was packed to the max, and to Kenshin the common air seemed too thick.

'_Nobody is afraid of me. They're pressing against me as if I were anyone else. I'm just like everyone else. Am I just like everyone else?'_

Kenshin smirked at the thought and roughly adjusted his standing position, much to the chagrin of the woman standing next to him. She sniffed in disapproval and Kenshin shifted again, only to mistakenly jab someone with his movement.

To his frustrated, struggling mind, new to the world as he was, it seemed that every manner of person was pressed against his body. Of course that was not the case, and he knew this to be true. Nonetheless, Kenshin felt a persistent and angry tugging in his limbs to lash out at the various bodies that touched his own. He couldn't help envisioning himself plucking out a few eyes that lingered too long on the length of his hair. Sure red hair was popular these days, but waist length locks had not caught on. Kenshin glared at one wayward youth who blatantly stared. The youth held a tiny device, Kenshin assumed to be an MP3 player. He'd read about those things, though he'd never seen one in prison.

His fingers were itching to rip away the MP3 player that boomed too loud and defied his sonic boundaries. Rip it away and smash it to pieces, along with its disrespectful owner. Cram a bar of soap down the throat of the man to his left with the offensive breath. Make the woman to his right realize it was not a good idea to touch and/or shove him too hard no matter how many times he shifted his position.

'_It's a free country. I can move as much as I want. If anything, it's you that shouldn't move. Do you know who you've just touched?'_

Sano watched Kenshin's darkening expression with a mixture or worry and amusement.

"Hey Kenshin."

Kenshin didn't answer, but Sano could tell by the slight shift of Kenshin's head that he'd been heard.

"At least wait until we get off the train before you snap. Better yet, wait until we've gotten totally wasted, then I can lose it too. We can start some shit together."

Kenshin turned to Sano then, smirking.

"But what about your job? You've got standards to uphold."

"Fuck it."

Kenshin laughed at that and relaxed a bit.

"Good to know."

"No seriously. I mean that. I got this job to extend my business as Zanza. Somehow seems like I'm going straight. That ain't my style. Don't worry about me man. Look out for yourself."

"Same goes for you. I won't snap. Not yet anyway. I've got too many things to take care of first."

"Oh really? Like what? Kaoru?"

"I've got to get a job. I'll feel really bad if I get sent back before I can work in a decent place."

"Is that a joke? Anyway, I thought you wanted to stay sane especially for tonight."

"Tonight?"

"Yeah, me and that girl of yours planned some shit. You know, to celebrate your freedom and stuff. Megumi pitched some ideas too. They're taking care of dinner, and I'm handling the real fun."

"Girl?"

Sano rolled his eyes and gave Kenshin a knowing look.

"You know who I mean."

Kenshin causally glanced away.

"She has a name. Anyway what's this about real fun?" he asked non-chalantly.

"You'll see."

Kenshin sighed. Knowing Sano, the real fun would involve heavy drinking, and women. It had been a considerable amount of time since Kenshin had been drunk. It had been so long, Kenshin couldn't recall a time of true drunkenness after the age sixteen. Then again, he had started drinking rather early. By the time he was sixteen his senses had already been dulled. Alcohol had already lost its pleasure for him, and it took far too much to get him drunk anyway. Kenshin wondered if he still had a strong tolerance. After so many years, it probably wouldn't take much to send him reeling.

"Kenshin. You're looking spaced out again," Sano commented as the subway screeched to a stop.

"Get used to it. I know what I'm about."

Sano smirked. "This is our stop." Sano began pushing his way, none to gently through the crowd. It wasn't his style to be gentle. Sano noted with pleased amusement that Kenshin wasn't any gentler.

"I wondered what kinda guy you would be on the outside. How you'd handle this shitty place. Somehow I thought you'd be more polite."

"I haven't been out long enough for you to see what kind of man I'll be, Sano," Kenshin answered quietly.

"Yeah well, tonight just keep your dysfunctions under wraps until I'm toasted. After that anything goes. For both of us. Deal?"

Kenshin smiled. Sano was quite the character, brash and casual enough to match his own unique personality.

"Deal."

"So wait a minute. You're living with this guy?" Misao's green eyes were wide with shock and pleasure.

Kaoru blushed, hiding a smile, as Misao squealed with delight.

"This is so juicy!"

"Misao. It's only been a _day. _We're not really living together. He's just crashing here for a while until he gets on his feet. That's all it is."

"Then why'd you blush?" Misao gave her a knowing look. Her perceptive skills were shaper than the average bear. Misao knew there was something going on with Kaoru.

"You don't have to answer. I already know. You did it to him."

"Eh? After just one day? I'm not that kind of girl."

"You mean the kind with a sex drive?" Megumi casually added as she walked into Kaoru's room.

"No. Unlike some people, I just know how to control mine. Besides I hardly know Kenshin."

Kaoru instantly regretted the words as they left her mouth. She could see the same mutual question dawning on Misao and Megumi.

"Then why are you living together?" the two asked in near unison.

Kaoru growled, eyeing both of her friends. "Oh no you don't! We are _not _having this conversation. I won't let you two delinquents lecture me. Don't forget you _both _crashed here when I barely knew you. So don't even think about judging me."

Megumi sighed, casting Misao a look. The blonde girl seemed to be re-considering as well. It was true that Kaoru had taken Megumi in on the recommendation of a friend; asking for nearly nothing in return and knowing equally nothing about Megumi's past involvement with the drug trade and mafia.

"We may be delinquents but we didn't spend ten in the slammer. At least I didn't, anyway. Plus you weren't sleeping with us," Misao added with a wink in Megumi's direction.

"Argh! For the last time, nothing happened!"

"Anyway, speaking of sex I got a text from Sano. They'll be here in an hour. What are you going to wear? You need to look hot tonight. I don't want you embarrassing me," Megumi added

"Tonight? Where are we going?" Misao chimed, bouncing on the bed.

Megumi threw her an incredulous look, hands on her hips. "We?"

Kaoru sighed. It was going to be a long night.

**Thanks for reading and please review!**


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